I guess it's time to close this book. No one reads it anymore anyway. All it ever was is me crying about some guy, or telling my friends how much I love them or something like that. I'm over that now, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is the one I think, and my friends know I love them, I have no boy drama in my life anymore, not anything to make me leave him anyway. Just people nit understandinh the meaning of no, so the usual.
I started this book over a guy called Mark. He was the first guy I talked about. You know, "my parents warned me about drugs and alcohol, but not about the boy with brown eyes and a motorbike"? God, it seems so long ago we started talking. I guess it was, it was 2 years ago my nanny passed away, and he cycled to my house to look after me. That was probably the moment I fell for him. Anyway, I think its time this book ended. He's blocked me now. We're not speaking. And I don't know why, I think he just grew to hate me, found me annoying, clingy, childish. He's completely right. I am. Probably thinks I'm a slut, a whore, good for nothing. Even more correct. I'm not innocent, I'm not pure, I'm not mature. I'm 17 years old and can't get her shit together and can't get her brain to work properly. He's better off without me in his life.
But my god it hurts. To think that everything we had together, all those funny conversations, random meet ups, short, fun flirty kisses... All thsts gone now. Dust. A memory wanting to be forgotten.
But I won't forget. How can I? Everything we had and it's gone, thrown away as if it were nothing, dumped in some back corner of his brain where it'll slowly disappear. Every time I said "I love you", every hug, every conversation, every joke, laugh, love we had together... Nothing. Doesn't mean anything anymore. Not to him.
And in time I'll learn that that's okay. People come and go. People break your heart. People share the whole world with you, and then slide out of your life as quickly as they came in, forgetting you in an instant, leaving you with the burden of keeping those memories and feelings.
Do you want to go to the seaside?
I'm not tryna say that everybody wants to go,
I fell in love at the seaside,
I'll handle my charm with time and slight of hand...
Thank you. For what we did have. You were one of the best things that ever happened to me. And now you're the worst xxx
