Is this it then?
We're on the home stretch of our exams, things are getting heated, tension is rising and everyone is preparing for these exams. I knew I wasn't gonna see you before exams, they start in under two weeks and we are not ready. I thought we only had three days after your last exam to see each other quickly before I disappear for four weeks, and after that, we would have at least some time together. Spend what we can of the summer together before you leave and we have to end it indefinitely.
But you've only decided to tell me now that you are gonna be working for almost all of it, and not only working but around the country?
Meaning We're gonna see each other even less. Probably not even at all.
I just wanted the summer with you. Everyone told me to not do it, to forget you, leave you early and just move on.
Push you away the same way I had done for two years.
As you can imagine, I didn't want to do that, so I didn't.
And now I cant get the summer with you. The one thing I've been looking forward to. Almost a sort of closure, you know? Go on our date, the one we've been talking about, spend the night together, do the stupid shit we've talked about. Just be us. Invincible together.
But that's not going to happen, is it?
I don't blame you at all. Of course, you're gonna be working, so am I. But I would have liked to have known earlier, so I didn't get my hopes up about our summer.
The last summer I have with you.
So was last weekend the last time I see you? Is this it now then? Hardly the kind of ending either of us expected, not quite as closing as I would have hoped. there are too many things unsaid, too many places unvisited. Too many memories I wanted to make with you, and only you. Christ, we haven't even got a photo of the two of us together!
Do we leave this now as friends? Part before exams, talk as mates but nothing more? Will I even see you in the near future? I don't know. But if this is where it ends, know I love you with all my heart.
And I always will.
(yes I'm literally in tears writing this)
