This is something I've known for years, but never really adressed.
I'm addicted to being in love.
I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out.
It starts off as a small crush. Maybe I try to be flirty, I engage in conversation with them more, I look for points of interest we both have. If they get interested, that's when the crush develops a bit more. I get close to the person and we talk almost everyday, becoming really close. I open up to them and they open up to me.
Then it's admitting time. I've never really been afraid if admitting it to them, it could go one of two ways. One, is that I get rejected and they say we can still be friends, or two, they admit they like me too.
If they admit they like me too, we discuss dating. Do we? Don't we? What would this mean for us? What would others say? Sometimes we keep it a secret, sometimes we tell. But I'm my case, it never lasts long.
Now due to issues I've had in the past, it puts relationships as difficult to deal with. I get overwhelmed. I freak out. I don't talk to them about it and what to do to stop it, I just back down and back out. And I'm single again.
Or there's the other situation where they back out. They think it's not right, or they cheat, or something. And then I'm single again.
And then I do it again. Almost instantly too, I'm talking to someone else.
I don't mean to. People come and go. But only once have i ever given somebody more. And this person I'm not letting go.
