She was walking in a hospital robe. Walking forward, doing small steps. She didn’t feel anything. She felt empty. Every figure around her was blurry. She just had this warm, strong arm around her which was the only thing that kept her on her legs. The pain she was feeling, there in her heart, was indescribable.
She couldn’t believe what just happened. She remembered only the moment - how happy they were and how suddenly everything turned into a nightmare. She remembered all the blood she saw. She remembered the voice of the doctor, saying that their baby, their little cashew was gone. And she couldn’t do anything to stop this. It was gone. Everything was gone.
She could feel only the pain in her heart, like it was bleeding. And the tears that were rolling down her face. She could smell the smell of the hospital. God, she hated that smell so much. She wanted to blame the ‘stupid’ hospital for everything that happened. It wasn’t their fault but she just needed to blame someone to feel better.
He was walking beside her, with his strong arm around her. He felt like a mess. He felt confused. He felt angry. He felt sad. Mostly sad. The sadness was settled on his heart there, never leaving him. Never. He cried, he broke things. He yelled. He couldn’t do anything to make it better. He couldn’t bring the baby back. He couldn’t make Nina feel better. And he couldn’t see her anymore like that. That wasn’t her. She was always this amazing angel, with big doe eyes and so many shines in them. With a big, bright smile. And now, all that was gone.
Their baby was gone. All the happiness was gone. All the smiles, all the joy. Everything.
And this pain, in both their hearts, they just couldn’t shake it.
"Sometimes miscarriages happen for no reason." That’s the thing that was stuck in their heads. The doctor wasn’t a bad one at all, but Ian and Nina just thought he didn’t understand them. He didn’t know how they felt. What pain they felt.
The doctor told them they need to allow themselves a chance to grieve. That they have to give themselves plenty of time to recover.
Of course Nina and Ian were very in love and their loss wasn’t going to tear them apart. They were going to stay together and deal with all the pain together. They needed each other more than everything in the world right now.
But they really needed time to recover. It was a hard time.
They decided that it would be better if they just wait some time until they start trying again. They considered the loss as a sign, that they weren’t ready to become parents. They were just going to wait until they feel completely ready and are able to look at a future with kids again.
But this didn’t mean they weren’t getting married. They were. That was what they wanted, with a baby or not.
Ian was a positive person so he made Nina feel better everyday by saying that everything is going to pass one day, that the pain will be less. And when they are ready again and they really do it the pain will be fully gone.
But Nina was scared. Scared that once she do this again everything is going to be repeated.
"Everything is going to be okay. We will survive this." He was comforting her by caressing her shoulders and her face. And was hugging her really tight so she could understand that he will always be there for her no matter what happens. He was always going to love her.
And she was always going to love him, too. She was really thankful to him for what he was doing - standing there by her side and helping her feel better everytime she had a breakdown. He was always there. And she knew that she had to be there for him, too. Because he had weak moments as well.
