The next day was hard. Ian was laying on the couch with a terrible headache. The apartment was quiet, only the tapping of Moke and Lynx’s paws on the bare floor could be heard from time to time. There were a few bottles of alcohol on the floor and on the table. Ian had been drinking a lot last night.
Nina was still at Riawna’s, perhaps sleeping. She needed more time, she wasn’t ready to see Ian just now.
Ian had sent a few ridiculous text messages to Kevin last night, when he was drunk. By them, he seemed pretty upset, so when Kevin saw them, he went directly to the apartment to see what’s going on.
Kevin opened the door and got in. “Dude, tell me you’re drunk.” He grinned, but his jaw fell when he saw the living room.
"I am." Ian grabbed the bottle from the floor but Kevin stopped him, taking the bottle away.
"Why is that?"
Ian grabbed another bottle and took a sip, but Kevin pulled that one too and continued talking. “Where is Nina?”
"At her friend’s house."
"Is it very bad? Your situation?" Kevin took a sip from the bottle.
"She told me that she can’t breath from me."
Kevin swallowed and narrowed his eyes. “Oh, that sucks. Are you two… you know…divorcing?” He said insecure.
"You don’t know how I hope we won’t do that." Ian closed his eyes for a while. "I feel so bad."
"You will be okay." Kevin hand Ian the bottle of bourbon.
Ian drank a little. “Will you stay here with me?”
"Of course, I even took my toothbrush with me. But dude, how many of those did you drink?"
"I don’t know." Ian took another sip. "I want to talk to Nina."
"You can’t, you’re drunk. And you smell like alcohol and you’re not speaking clearly and also, you need a shower." Kevin grinned, grabbed some of those half-empty bottles and threw them away, then grabbed the one Ian was drinking from. "You won’t drink that."
"Why not?"
"Because it’s a little too much now." Kevin threw it away.
Ian got up and followed Kevin to the kitchen, then yawned and hugged him.
"Did you sleep? Why are you hugging me?" He started laughing.
"I really want to call Nina like right now."
"You’re very drunk buddy. I told you, go take a shower so you can get sober and then I will talk to her."
"But I love her."
Kevin laughed again. “Well uhm, she loves you too.”
"I don’t want her to go to Derek."
"Who is Derek?" He frowned.
"A blond guy and I don’t want…" Ian yawned. "Her to love this guy. I’m starving, Kev. I need food and sleep."
"I will order food. You’ve got a great restaurant next to that building." Kevin took a glass and filled it with cold water, than hand it Ian. "Don’t pee but drink this." He laughed. "And take a cold shower."
Ian took the glass with water and drank it all. “I want to eat first.”
"Can’t you wait?"
"No, I haven’t eaten since forever."
"Oh god." Kev burst out laughing. "You’re funny when you’re drunk but I didn’t come here to babysit you. I had no idea I came to make you a sandwich. Stop you from drinking, yeah but the sandwich." He kept laughing. "Ridiculous." Then he took some gluten-free bread and products to make a sandwich.
"I promise to Nina that I won’t drink anymore." Ian opened the cupboard and took another bottle, then poured down the alcohol in the sink.
"Good job." Kevin chuckled and continued making the sandwich.
Ian sighed and took some cheese, some of the meat and some of the vegetables that were on the kitchen countertop and ate them.
Kev lifted hands and laughed. “Serve yourself.”
"You promised that you will call Nina." Ian kept eating from the ingredients.
"I will but when you shower and eat and get sober."
It was quiet but suddenly the sound from the doorbell broke the silence. Ian left the food and went to open the door. He was sure it was Nina. He opened the door. It wasn’t Nina.
"I came to pick some of Nina’s stuff." Riawna spoke.
Ian’s heart started beating, almost jumping out of his chest. “Is she moving out?”
"No. Just some clean clothes for the day."
"I want you to tell her to come back to me, please. Please."
Riawna lifted her eyebrows. “If you promise that you won’t hurt her anymore.”
"I promise." He moved away and Riawna got in the apartment.
"False alarm?" Kevin shouted from the kitchen.
"Yeah."
Riawna took some clean clothes from the wardrobe and left the bedroom, then wend to the front door, but turned around and spoke to Ian. “Oh and something else. Nina doesn’t like Derek. I do.”
Ian sighed of relief. “Tell her to come, please.”
"Okay." Riawna left the apartment.
After that Ian ate the sandwich that Kevin had made for him and some other things, drank more water and coffee, no alcohol anymore. He had to be sober in front of Nina. Kevin helped him to clean around and then Ian got in the bathroom and took a shower, then he took a nap.
Meanwhile Riawna was telling Nina that Ian wants to see her and to apologize. She didn’t miss the drunk part of course but Nina wasn’t mad. She decided to go back home because she was feeling bad about yesterday as well.
So she took her things and left her friend’s house, and sallied out to the big, grey-red apartment flat.
When she opened the front door of the apartment and saw no one in there, she felt a little insecure. But then she heard foot steps and Ian showed up in the living room.
"Hi." She said quietly.
"I’m sorry."
Nina smiled and then put her bag away and went to the bedroom. Ian walked after her. “Are you gonna say something else?”
"Okay, I’m sorry too."
He put his hand on her shoulder gently. “Please stay.”
"I will stay." She licked her lips and then looked up and gazed in Ian’s ocean blue eyes. She really was sorry and she could see in his eyes that he really was sorry too.
So without saying anything, they both started closing the space between them, their lips touched and they started kissing deeply and gently. They didn’t know how they found themselves on the bed, half-clothed, making out.
Nina buried her fingers in Ian’s hair and pulled it gently, then parted her lips away from his. “No.”
"Come on, you got me so sexcited." Ian chuckled and pulled her back.
"Mm no." She got up and started dressing up.
"Okay." Ian sighed and got up as well.
"Nothing is working. Lovers need space in their togetherness, you know…" Nina sat on the bed and hugged her knees.
"What?" Ian narrowed his eyes and looked at Nina.
"I…" Nina swallowed and took a deep breath. "I’m not happy." She looked up at him and buried her fingers in her hair.
His hearts stopped and he swallowed. “What do you mean?”
"God, I can’t." She took a deep breath again and got up from the bed, standing right in front of him.
"What happened? I thought we were good. What are you trying to say?" Ian reached his hand to touch her. "Are you still mad at me? Is it about Derek?"
"Nothing happened. No! This has nothing to do with Derek or anyone. I just…Ian, since we got married we’ve been fighting a lot. And I can’t handle that anymore, I don’t feel happy like before. We are fighting for ridiculous things all the time."
"What is this about?" He said quietly, his heart had stopped beating and his mind went black. "I thought you were happy. I had no idea." His skin shuddered
and he felt like he was going to puke. She wasn’t happy. He was doing everything possible to make her happy but she wasn’t. And if she wasn’t, what was the
point of all this?
"Oh my god, I’m so stupid. How do you not hate me?" She felt a deep sense of numbness in the pit of her stomach. She was so confused at the moment, she didn’t even know what was going on. But she really was happier when they weren’t married.
"I can’t hate you. I love you. And what are you doing? Are we divorcing?"
Silence followed and he felt like he was going to faint. She wasn’t saying anything, so did this mean that they were divorcing? He was sure. His eyes filled
with liquid and so did Nina’s.
"No..I…I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I’m doing. Stop." She pulled him to herself and cuddled him tightly.
"God, I love you so much. I can’t stand the idea of losing you." He buried his face in her neck.
"You’re doing it harder." Her tears started running down her cheeks.
"So, we’re divorcing?" He pulled away and looked at her mirthless, wiping away her tears and the one he shed.
"No. I just…I need time, Ian." She held his hand. "Let’s not live together for a while and maybe things will be better, who knows. But I know that I love you and
I’m not gonna give up on you.” She shed another tear.
Ian nodded, not able to say anything. The pain was swallowing him.
"And now the hard part… Will you leave the apartment, please?" Her heart stopped after saying these words and she dug her nails in her skin. A part of her wanted to go back ten seconds ago and tell him she wanted him to stay but the other part was saying it was for the best.
When Ian let go of her hand, that part of her died. Burning tears were rolling down her cheeks as she was watching him taking out his suitcase and filling it with his clothes. 'Oh god what did I do' she thought and she cried out now. But there was no turning back. She didn’t know how to fix this mess and she thought she have lost him forever and if he feel better without her, he will never come back. She couldn’t look at him packing his stuff, it was too painful. So she got in the bathroom and sat on the floor, crying silently.
Ian added all his clothes and almost all the stuff he needed and packed. He was too miserable and his head was a mess. But he was thinking about her words and he kept reminding that she said she wasn’t happy. And what if she felt happier and left him forever after he leaves that apartment? He didn’t have much hope, but he kept packing anyway. If she wanted him to leave, that was exactly what he had to do.
He knocked on the bathroom door but Nina didn’t open so he spoke softly. “I..um, I’ve got some things in there too.”
"Yeah." She kept sobbing, but got up and opened the door.
He felt even worse when he saw her, but he swallowed and took some of his stuff from the bathroom, then left. He added those things in his suitcase and closed it. Then, he looked at the bathroom door. Was she going to come and say goodbye? Were they going to see each other soon? Ian wiped away another tear and picked up his cat, Moke.
He heard a crying sound and he looked at the bathroom door again. Nina was crying even more. Perhaps, it was for the cat but for sure it was for him as well. He knew that, so he stayed like that, a new spark of hope filling his body. But she didn’t say anything. So he left the apartment.
Nina picked her cat Jama-Lynx up and laid on the bed, drowning in tears. She pulled Ian’s pillow to herself and hugged it. It got wet from her tears as she buried her face in it and inhaled its smell. It smelled like him.
Ian had put his things and his cat in the car and had started driving to Louisiana, to his father’s house. He needed to go there because he wouldn’t feel good all alone in his empty apartment. He looked down at a picture. It was one of their pictures. It started to bring out a lot of memories which caused him a lot of pain. He remembered their vacation on the Dominican Republic and their little baby.
Nina was still sobbing, thinking of him and remembering that he hadn’t eaten. She also thought of what could happen on the road, because he was very upset. She even thought of calling him but she had no idea what to say and how to apologize and fix this. She was regretting about everything she had said.
You’re the only one breaking me down like this. You’re the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously. :(
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