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It wasn't the first time.
Yoongi had had many panic attacks before. Usually when his father got home, the incentive banging of fists on a door if he'd been lucky enough to escape his drunken wrath. When his father had stumbled across an opened tin of cat food, large hand wrapping tightly around the boy's throat until he choked out an answer (not that is was a truthful one, but it satisfied his father). Yoongi had to scrub himself clean afterwards, get the blobs of cat food out of his hair and wear a striped turtleneck to hide the red marks on his neck. He couldn't talk properly for a while after that.
But, just because he was used to them didn't make it any better. Especially when his kidnappers were the ones trying to calm him down.
"Breathe, baby, breathe," he heard one of them murmur, mind too foggy to figure out who, concern and worry drenched into their voice.
How the hell could he breath with some rubber gag shoved into his mouth and nose runny again from his constant crying ?
Their voices turned into gibberish, all muffled as if he was underwater. It felt as though he was. Not being able to breathe and hear anything coherent, or even see at this point. Tears blurred his eyes so much he could barely see.
Was it finally catching up to him how much his life had changed so drastically in the past few days and he had only been awake for a few hours of it? From surviving school and his father, putting food into his and his kitten's belly to being forced into a diaper and kept like an infant, unable to move or speak, have his two kidnappers refer to themselves as "Appa" and "Daddy", two married men, one that was actually his English teacher.
"Take it off, Namjoon," he heard a voice command and felt something poking him in the back of his head. A few seconds later he felt his tongue being able to move more freely and oxygen pile into his lungs.
Warm, large hands gently cupped his flushed wet cheeks and soothed over them with. Yoongi's teary eyes met the auburn ones of his "Daddy".
"Breathe Yoongi, in and out," he instructed. As much as Yoongi hated and feared the man in front of him, he wanted this to end. "That's it, there you go, good boy," he praised him as he attempted to control his breaths. It took a few more minutes until his breathing evened out and heart race slowed down.
Almost immediately he was cradled into the mans chest, fresh cologne entering his nostrils that somehow soothed his nerves slightly. Still whispering sweet words and praises, the adult rocked the boy in his arms gently until his husband returned with a nice bottle of milk. Yoongi sniffled at the sight and thought of how this one would definitely make him sleep, but maybe that's what he needed right now. An escape from whatever hell he was currently in.
Yoongi waited for him to unscrew the pacifier and slip it in, but, there was no gag in his mouth.
They'd taken it out to help him breathe better.
Appa was advancing on him, bottle filled with drugs no doubt in his hands. His jaw was sore and throat raw, but Yoongi parted his trembling lips and whimpering.
"L-Let me g-go home..."
Halting in his steps, Yoongi clearly saw the teacher turn to his husband with a look he was too exhausted to decipher right at the moment. Lolling his head to the side, still resting with his back against Daddy, he whimpered.
"W-wanna...home," he choked out, a pitiful sob tumbling past his lips.
The man whose chest he was resting on bounced him lightly, quiet shushing noises coming from his lips. Yoongi could tell he wasn't too far off from another attack and hiccuped, trying to clear his nose and calm himself down. A hysterical Yoongi wasn't what he wanted to be right now as that wouldn't lead him anywhere.
"Sweetheart..." Daddy started uncertainly, almost as if he was choosing his next words very carefully.
"P-Please."
Shushing him quietly, Appa also sat down with the bottle, calloused hand grabbing Yoongi's much smaller limp one and soothing a thumb over it. He'd pull away if he could, even if the action felt nice.
"Baby, Appa and Daddy just want to make you happy," Appa said as Yoongi sniffled softly. "You were hurting so, so bad before, angel, and it hurt us watching you being in pain all the time and struggling to get a decent meal and some sleep."
If that was meant to calm him down, it did the exact opposite. They were watching him? Had they seen everything his father did?
Daddy spoke this time, voice caring. "We want to give you all the love you deserve, sweetheart, and you deserve so much more than what you had. We want to cherish you and look after you, keep you healthy and happy because we love you so, so much and you might not see it now..."
"Probably not for a while..." Appa interrupted, tone laced with sadness.
"—But we won't ever stop loving you and nothing will ever make us hate or dislike you, darling. You don't have to be brave anymore, Yoongi, we'll take all your fears and sadness and make them disappear if you give us a chance..."
They went quiet after that.
Yoongi tried to ignore the gazes they were giving him, their eyes sodden with sincerity, love and hope, something so foreign and unusual to the boy that he found himself locking his own glassy orbs onto Appa's auburn ones, the floaty feeling returning to his head—
No.
He didn't want any of this.
If saving him from his terrible life meant strapping him in a diaper and dressing him up like a porcelain doll then he was perfectly fine with his old life. It definitely wasn't the best, not close, but he had his little Dolly, a great furry best friend, and those walks he sometimes took in the woods with her, admiring the blooming flowers and insects, wild animal footprints. Just those two things were worth the pain he suffered at school and at home.
"I—I d-don't-...want to g-go home!" he yelled out the last part and ignored the intense fiery burning in his throat, trying to resist as the bottle was forced into his mouth and the soothing warm milk filled his stomach, sending him to sleep in mere minutes.
_
what's this? a quick update? :)
i know a lot of people hate the word "orbs" as a substitute for eyes but i already used eyes in that same sentence. orbs isn't such a bad synonym if you think about it!
