Emmeline [Joker X OC]

Chapter Twenty-Three

My breath hitches as his eyes shore into mine. His hands were between my head, as they've been many times before. He was only inches from my face. This time, however, I felt a mixture of feelings. Fear suppressed, but another feeling was apparent. I couldn't place it.

"Well, I care," he said sharply, breathing heavily as well. I furrowed my eyebrow, not knowing how to reply. He looked at my lips and I bit then.

"I know how it feels to be called crazy. I had my fair share of it. And there's no way to stop them. People don't change for the better. They never stop. So you make them stop."

"That doesn't mean you kill them," I spoke gently. He looked down and his shoulders slumped slightly. He seemed vulnerable again, almost like a little boy.

"That's where you're wrong. You haven't seen or heard half the things I have. You haven't lived through the constant taunting and hatred of people. After a while, it doesn't matter anymore. After a while, killing them just makes that one voice go away. One out of millions that have been implemented in your head. But that one death out of the millions gives you satisfaction, even for a second," he said. I looked at him and for once he wasn't tough. He was opening himself up like never before. The fear racing in my heart was slowly dissipating.

"It gives you satisfaction?" I asked, curious.

"Not as much as watching them cry in the same pain they put you in. Which is why putting him under Craner's drug will be better. I'll watch him be the crazy one," he laughed slightly before looking back into my eyes.

They were the most beautiful brown I've ever seen. Unlike before, they were soft and sad. It was a reminder that he, too, was a human and not an animal.

"What happened to you?" I asked softly, placing a hand in his shoulder. He flinched at the contact, and then shrugged it off harshly. His eyes retreated to anger and he pulled away from me.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You don't know me. You don't know shit and you aren't about to find out. According to Eugene, I'm a crazy fucking lunatic and that's all you need to know." He didn't look at me again before turning around and leaving.

I looked at his figure as he disappeared in the hallway and began walking to the library.

What was I becoming? Someone who actually cared about a soulless monster?

Someone who just admitted they cared about a soulless monster?

Even Eugene saw it in me. They all did. From my crazy episode with the gun, they knew that I didn't have sanity in me. This entire encounter left me insane and everyone saw it. I wasn't anyone anymore. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing.

I entered the library in a cloud of thoughts. I didn't know what to think as I opened up a copy of the book lying on the counter. Hamlet. Crane must have been reading it.

To be or not to be that is the question

I read the text underlined and the rest of the soliloquy. Crane left the book opened at that page. The meaning of the passage trailed back to me. I must have read it before.

Was it worth living when life was just full of struggles that one would never get out? It would be so easy to fix all this. Just to get away. I had nothing to fight for. Except....

No.

No. I don't wanna live for the sole purpose of figuring out Vespa. What made him the way he is. Who he is. I had to focus on a more interesting thought. Who was I?

"What happened down there?" Craner suddenly asked, making me jump.

"Meaning what?"

"Joker stood up for you. Not for himself. That's never happened before. I've never seen him care about anyone before," he said. I looked down, placing the book on the table. Crane sat down on the seat next to mine.

"He...he didn't. I think it was just the fact that someone was called crazy. Not that it was me."

"Whatever you say. But I've know him for long. And I've been called crazy many times. Never saw him threaten to kill for my sake." he pulled out his papers and began looking them through. I stared at him, reflecting on his words.

Just because Joker jumped at Eugene meant nothing. It has to mean nothing.

I stood back up.

"I remember reading this book. How are you liking it?" I asked, pointing at Hamlet.

"Well, last time I read it was junior year in high school. I think it was a good book." he said, barely interested in our conversation.

"Wait, so you aren't the one reading this?"

"No. I think it was Joker here earlier today. Now I have work to do. And as do you. Get that calculus book I have you and work on some anti-derivatives. I would like to see how quick you'll catch on to this." he said, flipping through papers.

I nodded, frowning and got to working on calculus.