Broken Wings

Chapter 14: Player

"I had all and then, most of you, some and now, none of you." - Lord Huron

I was grieving again. I never stopped thinking about Luke ever since I received the letter from him.

I guess life sucked for the people who have face the heartbreak of losing someone, and not just letting them go, but let them die in a coma. Even though it wasn't that bad for me, but that's what it felt like.

And after that, there are those moments where you can't get those memories off your mind. But when you're alone, or feel alone, you let yourself fall, hoping you'll sink into a hole and land on a flat cement and then your immediately dead.

That's what I felt like right now. I was alone outside by the shore, staring at the mesmerizing dark sky and bright moon at midnight. My heart still maintained to feel guilty from abandoning Jesse earlier, so I needed air to clear my mind.

Then, I perceived someone walking unsteady from behind me. I decided to ignore it, but that didn't work out like I hoped it would. He crouched down beside me as I turned my head to face him.

I gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed some fresh air," he answered. By the way his voice sounded told me that he'd been drinking, he was intoxicated by alcohol. He was drunk.

I turned my face back to the ocean, afraid of what he might do next. I don't know why, but drunk people sometimes scare me. My trust in drunk people decreased ever since I met Robert.

"It's beautiful," he babbled. "But not as beautiful as you."

I rolled my eyes. Jesse didn't seem like the type of guy that would drink. But then again, you never know what's going on in other peoples lives.

He smiled at me, noticing my ogle.

"You're drunk," I stated.

"Yeah, not the first time," he puffed.

"What else do you do? Smoke?"

"Oh no, that stuff is disgusting."

I eyed him suspiciously. "I hope you realize that I know you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk. Maybe buzzed, sure but not drunk. And I hope you realize you basically said it twice, in two different ways though."

"You're drunk," he mimicked. "I hope you realize I know you're drunk."

He wasn't rude about it, but my face combusted in ruddiness.

It felt awkwardly weird to sit beside a drunk person, at night and at the beach. So, I stood up and started to walk back to my house. Was it right to leave a drunk person alone? He wasn't too drunk, but he was at the stage where he wasn't thinking all that clearly.

"I'm not letting you walk away this time," he muttered and followed me, taking hold of my upper arm.

"Let me go." I tried to free myself from his large strong hand. "You're drunk."

He loosened his hand a little but he didn't let go. "Sorry."

"Jesse, what do you want from me?" I asked, gently releasing my arm from his hand.

He looked a little sad and confused, all combined together.

"You," he admitted.

"I have a boyfriend so leave me alone," I lied.

What me and Luke were going through right now was not something someone would call a relationship.

With that thought, I─almost absentmindley─crouched down in the middle of the sand. The thought of our time together on that history project, getting a ride on his motorcycle, him showing up at work to keep me company and our first kiss. It all wandered around my thoughts again. It all made me feel like I've lost everything I've ever wanted.

I brought my hands up to the sides of my head, trembling. My vision started to blur as my butt landed on the sand.

Luke's letter. Every word of the letter echoed through me, fading each word a thousand times.

Why?

I always ask myself this question.

Why is life the way it is?

"Sasha, are you okay?" I heard Jesse's voice rang into my ears.

"Sasha!" Jesse yelled a little louder this time.

I fought myself to fight through the memories of Luke and tried to clear my vision. My eyes found their way to Jesse's, who was crouched down beside me.

A worried look crossed his face as I tried to find the right words to say. "Just... flashbacks."

"What kind of flashbacks?" He asked, still slightly worried.

"Of my..." I trailed off without finishing the sentence.

"You're boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend."

"What'd he do?"

"Nothing. He didn't do anything wrong," I snapped.

"I mean, what happened that you had to break up?"

"He left. He moved back to LA."

"Wow, that must've hurt."

I managed to stand up and closed my eyes again, trying to refocus so I wouldn't get lost in thought all over again.

"I need to get home." I started walking again.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked softly, sounding hopeful.

"Maybe," I breathed, barely paying attention to what he was saying.

"Sasha." He stopped in front of me. He was so close that I couldn't take more than one step towards him.

That's when I saw it. I saw his eyes, asking for something. Begging for me. His desire for me, and something told me that he wasn't the type to give in. Like he got what he wanted, but he would be willing to share it.

I blinked a couple of times. "What?"

"You sure you're okay?"

"Why are you asking me? I should be the one asking you. You're drunk."

"You look lost. Like your the one who's drunk."

I laughed. "I've never gotten drunk before."

"No? Maybe I'll take you to a party this weekend so you can have a chance to experience it."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Not really."

"No way. I'm not the party type of girl."

"You can always become one."

I stepped around and began walking away. "I'm not gonna change for you."

"Right. Sorry." He cantered over beside me.

We walked side by side, not saying much until we reached my house.

"This is your house?" Jesse asked.

"This is where I live." I opened up the front door.

"I guess I'll see you around." He smiled tenderly and waved goodbye.

I watched him disappear into the night. He was still walking unstable but when I looked closer, they way he really sauntered away was so gracefully and rigidly.

There goes the next guy who's about to ruin my life.