Wonders of Being Me (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter Fourteen: Maddy

I thought about Ashton more and more. Maybe I did have feelings for him that I didn't want accept but it was weird. That kiss was weird, it didn't feel right, it just didn't.

I feel bad; knowing that Ashton possibly loves me kills my insides. He's cute, charming, and just down to earth but I wasn't attracted to him like that and honestly I was mad at myself for not being attracted to him.

He'd be an amazing boyfriend, the one that would always tell me how much he loved me, the one that would always hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay.

I really wish I could like Ashton as much as I liked Luke.

Luke.

I don't know why I liked Luke, I really don't. Maybe because he was such a fool when it came down to the romantic crap and it was honestly adorable but Ashton has always been nice to me. Luke had his moments and confused me more than anything but there was something about him.

I am honestly mad at myself, why couldn't I like the sweetheart? This more than likely just ruined our friendship.

That's it! That's why I am not attracted to him like that! It's because we became too close of friends but I know that wouldn't be any excuse for Ashton. He would more than likely be pissed at me for not liking him but I couldn't help it. I wish I did but I don't and he's just going to have to accept that. If he can't, then I don't think I can be friends with him any more.

Great, I am probably going to loose my best friend but I just don't know why I am not attracted to him.

I groan due to my frustration and sprawl out on my bed, making my arms go across the entire width of my mattress.

"Hazel?" Taylor knocks at my door but doesn't wait for me to respond. I continue to lay down while she opens up the door and walks over to me.

She stands uncomfortably at first, probably not used to seeing me so frustrated. I can't blame her, I was not used to this side myself.

"Are you okay?" She asks and sits down where ever there was room to sit on my mattress.

"I'm such a bitch." I say speaking aloud more to me than to her.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to mope around?" She questions and looks at me, no longer concerned with what was wrong, just impatient that I wasn't telling her.

"Ashton said he loved me."

I feel her body tense through the mattress. She stops shaking her foot, which she does whenever she sits down, and stays completely still.

"He what?" Concern fills her voice but with a hint of confusion as well.

"He said he loved me Taylor." I sit up, bringing my knees up to my body, placing my elbows on them and letting my hands cover my face.

"Do you know why?" She says and I remove my hands so my voice won't come out all stuffy.

"I don't know! We've been hanging out a lot lately and I thought we were just becoming really close friends." I sigh and cross my legs. I wasn't finding a really comfortably position to sit in because of this awkward conversation.

"Well, do you like him?" She questions and I really have to think about it. I do like Ashton and I love him, just not the way he likes and supposedly loves me.

"Well, I do. I love him Taylor," I pause and sigh, "just not in the way he loves me."

She sighs and places a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I feel bad for Ashton and it wasn't right for me to not like him. I just don't, I really don't.