Wonders of Being Me (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter Thirty Seven: The Dance

I don't understand anything anymore. I don't know what happened, as I replay that night in my mind; it's a blur. But I know exactly that Luke kissed the girl I thought he cheated on with me. Yet, I literally had no energy to cry anymore, not even those magical tears come back. I sit there, and stare at my white wall; feeling the world move around me but I wasn't moving at all.

"You need to get out of the house." Maddy says as she's the one that came to check in on me today. I don't say anything to her as she sits next to me on my bed; staring at the wall with me.

"I don't like you like this Hazel." She mumbles and puts a hand on my back, "You should get out of the house. Take your mind off of it all, you deserve it! Distract yourself as much as you can." She says and smiles at me while I still continue to feel this tremendous amount of pain.

"I-" I can't even get out part of a sentence without shutting down again. Maddy looks to me; hoping that I would finish but I hadn't any energy left to say anything.

"If you're not gonna talk, I will." She says and moves to catch my attention. She sits in front of the wall; blocking my continuous stare at it so I would actually look at her while she spoke. I wanted to turn my head, I didn't want her to look at me like that but I couldn't. It hurt to fucking breathe, let alone turn my head to avoid someone.

"Luke loves you."

At the mention of his name, my heart clenches and I feel even more pain. I didn't know that was possible, when each moment passes, you feel more and more pain. Just when it seems the pain can't hurt any worse, it does. It intensifies by 20 and you can't do anything but feel that pain and it hurts so bad.

"I know you love him too." She says and reaches out for my hands. She takes them into her own as she looks me in the eyes.

Maddy and I aren't really close as she was with Taylor. I just was so busy with Luke all the time that I really didn't make time to hang out with her but for someone who wasn't Taylor, she tried hard to comfort me.

"He's a mess, you're a mess, I'm not saying you should forgive him or him you but you both weren't yourself. You were confused about your relationship with Luke that you kissed Ashton and Luke was confused about your relationship with Ashton that he kissed Jessica. There is a huge misunderstanding of it all and I just want you to talk to me about it. Tell me how you're feeling Hazel, I can't help you unless you do."

It took her words to bring back my ghost tears as I look down to the floor and sob. She was right, about everything. I still loved Luke and this was all a misunderstanding but Luke kissed someone else right in front of me while we were together when I kissed Ashton when Luke and I were in this weird point of a relationship.

My tears seem to bring back memories of that night as I remember what I said to Luke that I wish I didn't. I shouldn't have said that, that wasn't right of me but he shouldn't have kissed Jessica in front of me. That wasn't right of him either but I loved Luke so much.

I pull all of the invisible energy I supposedly had to speak to Maddy, who was around a lot more often then Taylor was at this point. "Maddy, it hurts." Is the first thing I can sob out, I'm not sure she understood me but I needed to say this and she was willing to listen.

"I love him so much and he did that in front of me. I can't believe him." I sob out but soon my sobs are replaced with anger. I was mad, "He did that to purposefully hurt me when I meant nothing by that kiss with Ashton. It meant nothing Maddy but Luke kissed Jessica to hurt me. He did it to hurt me." I shout and her eyes widen as I stand up and pace the room.

This immense amount of feelings came to me, sad, depressed and most of all, anger. Anger filled me but was now releasing into a different feeling.

"But I mean, we were confused. Should I talk to him? Maybe I should forgive myself before I forgive him. You know what, I don't want to talk about it anymore, take me somewhere." I say and practically run to my door, hoping she would follow me down.