You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 1

It's terrifying and nauseating standing here. Watching everyone walk by me to get in and out of the building while I stand here frozen in time. I want to move forward, but seeing music videos of him repeat on the screens make the lump in my throat larger and the beating of my heart louder.

Just take a step. Baby steps. Just like Emma said.

I take one exact step forward to move out of the way for a group of agents, but my body forces itself to stop before I can find the courage to take anymore.

Move. You look like a psychopath just standing here, but honestly all the same with the position I'm in I couldn't give a fiddler's fuck less if I stood here for two years before talking to him. Anything I can do to avoid this talk.

I sigh, I know there's no way out. I force myself forward and into the elevator with a group of other people. None of us look at each other and none of us say a word.

They don't care who I am. I don't care who they are, but I can recognize some of them as workers here and after today and the talk... they'll care. Everyone will care.

The doors open to the floor I want to be at and almost 2/3's of the people spill out with me. I move around them and find myself stumbling towards the studio door.

Inside. Three steps away inside is where my life will change. That is where I'll throw all my cards on the table and either lose the hand or win in some sort of way. Except I don't know what I'm winning and I don't know what I'd be losing.

I take a deep breath feeling my heart almost stop then rapidly beat again. It's pounding and the vibrations in my chest make me want to hurl. Go. Go.

With a heavy sigh and a twist of the knob I open the door to Shady's personal recording studio. Dre and Paul look up at me from the couch with the same look in one another's eyes.

They both know the face of the girl who broke up with their best friend. For completely ... ironic circumstances.

I clear my throat with a loud and painful cough, trying to relieve myself of the crushing lump in it. "Is Marshall here?" I ask grabbing the small box I put together for him.

Dre watches me with annoyance and uncertainty, "he's around. Why do you care?".

"I have to talk to him."

"No you don't. You said your piece now scurry bitch."

"I know why you're upset with me-"

"I'm more shocked than upset Miah. That man, that's a good man who worshipped you and bowed to your every whim like you were the next Messiah. What the hell did you do? Break up with him for your own selfish reasons.".

Selfish. The word almost makes me laugh and vomit at the same time, but I'm too scared and hurt by Dre to do it.

He gets up and steps towards me his build more tall and muscular to any other man I know. Even Marshall. I back down a little bit and tightly squeeze the box between my fingers trying to find some way to avoid a fear with him.

Dre shakes his head a little and looks past me, "you should go.".

"I have to talk to him. You have no idea how important it is-"

"If you really wanted to talk to him so bad then you would've stayed with him. He doesn't want to settle down Miah. You know Slim and you know the age difference between you will always be there. Stop acting like a crazy stalker slut and go!".

My eyes tear up and my teeth clench together in more anger than sadness as I try to talk myself away from the ledge I'm about to jump over. Don't say it. Don't say it. Tell Marshall. Don't tell Dre.