You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 3

MARSHALL'S POV.

I haven't wanted to drink so much in my entire fucking life. Anything to stop thinking about her... my- our baby.

How could I be such a fucking idiot and get her pregnant?! What the fuck happened! What did I do wrong! I've fucked hundreds of girls off of Tindr and from clubs before I met this bitch and she's the first one I got pregnant! Maybe it's an ironic twist since I fucking met her in real life and- yeah. Christ what the hell is wrong with my fucking ass!

I try to stay quiet, but end up stomping into my hotel room grabbing the box of condoms I keep and checking their expiration dates... they expired four months ago! This is why this shit didn't fucking work. If any other woman come up to me and say I'm the Dad I'm gonna be fucking livid.

Flustered, I throw the box across the room and slam down on my bed my body relaxing into the comforter underneath me.

It's some form of silk. I don't care enough to figure out what kind or any of that unimportant, time wasting shit. All I can see is the fabric wrinkling between Miah's fingers every time I thrusted into her.

I can still hear her soft moans echoing through the walls of this room. I love her. I'm so madly in love with her and now... now all of this.

A baby. That's all my thoughts are on now. A baby. Miah's having a baby- my baby. I didn't think I'd upset her so much by suggesting abortion I just... I can't have another baby right now. I can't! I have to do something... nothing. There's nothing.

Not adoption. It can't be adoption because the fucking kid would track us down and I'd feel guilty. I can't seriously be developing feelings for this baby already... god I'm already in love with Miah I don't need this.

She broke up with me! She broke up with me because I didn't want to get married and I didn't want a baby! We weren't stuck in the same fucking place I just... I'm not that kind of guy! I'm not the kind of guy to have a normal life like every other white fucking family out there!

I wish I did. God I fucking wish I could be normal. Miah makes me wish I could be normal.

There's the guilt. I shouldn't of told her to get an abortion. I shouldn't have told her that at all. I care about her and I hate her and now she's carrying my baby- my baby.

I just need to sleep. If I sleep now then I can get up earlier and clear the air with her and figure out what we're doing about the little thing.

This isn't right. This isn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with Miah and I wanted her to be with me forever. No interruptions. No pain. No age difference. No critics. No one, but us and my kids. That shit would've been damn great, but then she started thinking about what she wanted and reality hit... it hit one of us. Both of us maybe.

She wants a marriage. She wants a cute little house. She wants what every normal family wants. She wants a family. Now we have one, but I'm not- I'm fucked.

As I roll away from one side to another my eyes begin to tear up and the pain swirls around in my head. I want to strangle her and hate her for this. I want to blame that fucking cunt, but I can't... it's my baby and it takes two people to make one.

I wish she was here. I'd cuddle her and kiss her stomach, but then I'd stab the fuck out of her and make her gasp for air. No I wouldn't. I love her.

Her hands would brush through my hair and gently rub my back to make me sleep faster. She'd tell me a story or about her day or something just to help me relax more. It's the sound of that melody like voice. It's music to me. Better than my music. Maybe not, but it's a nice gesture.