You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 7

I push the door to my office open harder and more annoyed than I anticipated, but who wouldn't be annoyed after the moment I just had with my wonderful baby daddy. Wonderful is sarcasm in case anyone questioned it.

Marshall has my heart, I won't lie about that, if he came in here right now begging for forgiveness and asking me to marry him I would say yes before he could even finish his damn sentence. So why am I pissed?

I'm pissed off because we're supposed to be apart, but he's doing his seduction I love you more than life shit again and I get we have a baby and I get he loves me- I- it's complicated and I don't even know why.

I feel like I could handle all the annoyance and pain better if Marshall wouldn't be so him about it. Well him, but not him. I don't know if his fans have noticed or if it's just me, but he's been doing this good guy act and that's starting to piss me off too.

He plays the hero and he plays for cameras now and he was never like that till a few months ago. When we first started dating he still had blonde hair and only wore camouflage shorts matched with Nike airs. He hated everyone and people and he despised modern technology while now just last month he asked if I wanted to take a selfie with him.

The gesture was cute and he couldn't hold the camera for shit, but- I don't know. I'm probably creating more fake problems to push him away. He's been so perfect to me that it just doesn't feel right and... this is why I can't keep a relationship. I always try to push people away that care about me or when they do something that I consider slightly wrong I freak out. It's my fault. It's all my fault.

I sigh a little and sit my phone up on my desk and open up Netflix. Might as well finish American Horror Story: Coven again. There's nothing really good on Netflix right now that won't make me cry or think of Marshall so this is what I've resorted to. This is at least my third time rewatching this season.

As the episode begins Marie Laveau's shop is shot up by witch hunter Hank, I personally believe Hank is more misunderstood and misguided than a killer. He has none of the qualities of a serial killer and clearly the act of murder upsets him in some way.

He's hurting and it's probably because of his jack ass dad and soon to be ex wife Cordelia. He's a dick to him and she isn't taking anymore of his shit... don't blame home girl honestly. She can do better than him anyways even if he has fallen so deeply in love with her.

Their whole story line always gets me a bit confused. Cordelia being a witch that knows other Salem witch descents and Hank was sent to marry her and steal information from her. Now he's in love and can't shake her from his grasp.

I hate to make this comparison since I probably won't be able to watch this show without crying now, but do I hear Marshall and I? A confused and misguided boy falls in love with a traumatized and insecure girl. What a plot. What a basic and constant plot so what makes Marshall and I different? The pain that I swallow down like bile every other hour or the fact that he is famous and not an average Joe.

Maybe it's none of that. Maybe we are them just in an alternate time line where once more nothing will work out. Marshall and I won't live happily ever after, he'll marry another bitch, he'll start a family with her, and I'll just be here with our baby.

That's the plot that'll take hold. Why am I not writing this for a script? Fuck it I'm doing it now.

I reach into one of my drawers for my laptop while shoving a candy from my jar in my mouth like I've done once or twice with Marshall's dick... wink wink. I grab my laptop and set it up the way I always do and wait for it to turn on. My eyes roam around the room as Cordelia gives a speech to her mother and Marie about safety or something. My eyes fall on a picture of Tommy, Emma, and I and my heart aches for a moment.