You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 6

So here I am again. Staring through the lobby of Shady Records with Marshall's baby growing in me and the lingering anxiety still crushing my chest.

I don't want lunch. It's going to make me vomit... thinking about it is making me sick. Everything is making me sick and if I knew being pregnant was going to be constant nausea I would have never broke up with Marshall for it.

I grab my phone from my back pocket and send him a quick text telling him I don't want lunch and to just meet me in the lobby. I feel pretty numb today so I don't see me making a scene or anything.

No- maybe? I don't know anymore. I haven't told my parents about this so I can't call my mom for advice because Marshall is still being a little bitch about it.

I wish I could call her. I know she'd be upset at first because she's never liked Marshall and I, but quickly enough she'd love it and she'd want everything to do with it.

If I told my father- scratch that. When I tell my father he'll be happy, but the happiness on his side only lasts so long before it all fades into nothing again.

Oh. I see. Mother fucker left me on read. Cute. Very cute- oh shit he is very cute.

My eyes follow Marshall as he comes out of the elevator with a few other people. I can easily pin him out because- do I even have to explain why. I mean I've bounced on his dick and basically rocked him to sleep. I know Marshall Mathers.

In his left hand is a cup and in the right is a larger cup both from my favorite fast food chain Burger King. Probably, something that was for my lunch date with him- not date!

"Hey, I got you a large banana strawberry smoothie."

"Thanks."

"I got you food upstairs, but we're here and not- up there."

"Food makes me feel sick so here I am."

"You look good for being... pregnant."

"Hard for you to swallow."

"So were my Vicodin, but I still overdosed from them.".

My throat tightens a little with the thought of him almost losing his life and acting so non-caring about it. He simply uses it as a- some sort of- I don't know, but it doesn't bother him like it bothers me.

I push a piece of my hair behind my ear because it's brushing into my eye and it's annoying me. Much like everything else is today and every day now.

I sigh a little and lean into my left foot letting my body rest while still standing. He can see something is wrong, but after so many fights he's lost the courage to ask me what, "What do you want to talk about?".

He stares at me for a minute, looks around my body then lets his eyes quickly snap back at me once more. He reaches his hands out and gently places them in the same spot that Kim had placed them just yesterday. "I want to talk about this.".

His hands are warm through my thin blue shirt as they feel our baby forming inside of me. His eyes are wide and proud- depressed- scared? I can't tell. He's so filled with emotions right now that it's ridiculous.

I let him keep his hands there for a moment, a silence I've never seen come over him before lingering on us both. He's quiet and almost contemplating the baby and I and his role in it. I love it, but apart of me is still pissed and I hate him. I step back away from his hands with an uncertainty behind his sudden love for this kid.

"You're fucking bipolar has anyone ever told you that?"

"The doctors that gave me depression meds a few years back."