You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 36

October 31st. (Seven months pregnant) 2:28pm.

"Alright here's the last of the boxes."

"So this is it?"

"Yes lil momma... this is it."

"It's- really cute."

"Ya think? No sarcasm.".

I look from tired and sweaty Tommy to their two story... brand new... brick house. It is beautiful. Bushes line the porch, the bricks look as if they've been power washed, and the left side has a spot of English ivy growing up it. It is truly a house you can fall in love with. One of those ones you find in Home and Garden. For the "dream couple".

"I have never been sarcastic in my life.".

The plans fell through for them moving in after the beginning of the new year due to the sellers wanting to get the house out of their hands... so here we are. Here they are more or less.

Standing where their lives begin. God it's disgusting how life happens like this.

I come from my thoughts as Marshall comes out of the house grabbing another box from Tommy's feet to take inside. He barely looks at me, just long enough to smile, before jumping back up their steps... onto the beautiful dark wooden porch... and inside.

Tommy puts his arm around me smiling brightly and overshadowing my sadness, "it looks way bigger from the back yard... ooh you would love the idea Emma has got for the yard. Has she told you?".

"She mentioned it."

"A gazebo, a berry garden, and a play house for the twins."

"Nice."

"You okay? You seem distant... the babies giving you trouble."

"No I'm fine... really... just wondering when I'll get the grand tour."

"Yes! As soon as Emma gets her with the truck we'll head in."

"Good- good.".

I hope she never gets here. Actually. Her yes... the truck not so much.

I remember the day I graduated high school. That night Emma and I went out and did a bunch of shit till like three in the morning. It was fun and life affirming and a great step into the adult world. Considering my memory is trash the fact I can even think of things from that night is impressive. You know what was on my mind most of the night? That one haunting thought.

Will I be alone?

That is the number one killer of mankind, loneliness and it has always been this paranoid worry of mine.

I have always feared what I would do if I was alone for too long. You know you hear these stories of how people fall into madness from being trapped in their house for a certain amount of time well I don't want to be crazy like those people.

I know I sound crazy now. Probably thinking just go outside and make friends. Yeah well fuck you because it's hard for me to make close friends. I don't know why it just always has been.

I guess it doesn't matter in the long run anymore. I have two little people that can never leave me. Unless I go crazy from being alone and Marshall takes custody.

"I'm not one to gush about houses, but I gotta say it's nice up in there." Marshall mumbles coming out down from the porch and heading directly to me.

I smile a bit hiding sadness behind my eyes, an emotion I know he can see, "Yeah it looks good.".

For once when it comes to my self misery and self loathing Marshall kind of smiles at me in empathy then hugs me to his chest. Completely ignoring my issue, may I add. It's not like it matters. He knows what's wrong anyways and there's nothing either of us can do about it.