Tally Marks (Thomas Sanders PolySanders/LAMP fanfiction)

9

"I... I'm sorry," Patton sighed, hands coming up to cover his face. "I know you're just worried, I know I'm acting weird, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Logan assured him, stepping closer and hesitantly reaching to wrap his arms around Patton. Patton leaned closer, silently letting him know it was alright, and Logan immediately hugged him close. "I am worried, but I shouldn't push you to answer. You don't have to talk to me right now. Or ever, if you don't want to. I just want you to be okay."

Patton sniffed, leaning into Logan. "I know you're just worried. I'm sorry." He paused for a moment, chewing his lip nervously. "Can we... go somewhere else? I don't want anyone to see me crying."

"Of course," Logan agreed, pulling back from the hug and taking his hand instead. He frowned at the sight of the tears that had fallen down Patton's face, quickly leading him to a spot beside of the school building. No one would notice them there, so it was perfect to hide and talk for a while.

They both sat beside each other, leaning against the school building. It was silent for a while, neither of them knowing what to say or do. The tears continued to fall from Patton's face, and he had pulled his knees up to his chest to hide his face in. Logan simply stared at the sky, wondering whether or not he should speak up, say something to help Patton. He wasn't sure what he would say if he did, though.

Patton was scared, terrified of what could happen if he spoke up about what he was thinking. He didn't want anyone to hate him. Especially not Logan, or Roman and Virgil. He did know, though, that he didn't have anyone else to talk to. Eventually this secret would tear him apart with guilt.

"I... I want to," Patton said finally, Logan quickly turning to look at him. He didn't raise his head from his knees. "Talk about it. I want to tell you."

"You can," Logan assured him, reaching a hand over to touch his shoulder, hoping to be somewhat comforting. "You can tell me anything, Patton."

"I... don't know. This is different." Patton's tears seemed to fall faster, his words catching on his throat. "I don't-I don't want you to..."

"To what?" Logan asked gently when Patton didn't finish, scooting closer to Patton and wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't want you to hate me, Logan," Patton answered finally, looking up at Logan. His eyes were red and puffy already, bottom lip trembling as he tried to carry on talking. "I'm scared Logan. I'm so scared."

Logan was shocked. He definitely wasn't expecting that answer. He wasn't entirely sure what could be bothering Patton now. What on earth could be so bad it would make Logan hate Patton? Logan didn't think it was possible for something to make that happen. He loved him more than anyone.

"Patton... That won't happen," Logan assured him, pulling him closer. Patton leaned into his side, head now resting on Logan's shoulder and crying into it. Logan didn't mind; he just wanted him to feel better. "Nothing could ever make me hate you."

"Are you sure?" Patton mumbled after a while, voice shaky. Logan nodded, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead.

"I am positive. I love you, Patton. I doubt whatever you have to say will change that." He offered the smallest of smiles whenever Patton looked up at him, and Patton seemed to calm down slightly.

"I love you too," he muttered, smiling back for barely a second before going back to looking worried. He thought for a moment, closing his eyes and drawing in a steady breath, letting it out slowly and trying to calm down. "Okay. I... Okay. I'll tell you."

Patton's hand went to his wrist, pausing just over the hidden marks. He looked up at Logan who was simply waiting patiently for him to talk. He didn't seem to notice Patton's wrist yet.