Tally Marks (Thomas Sanders PolySanders/LAMP fanfiction)

28

I apologize for being so late with this update. I've been very busy this week with moving, and I managed to injure myself so most of my day today has consisted of me crying because of pain, napping, and playing video games. I'll try to be better about updating.

The white wall in Logan's bedroom was not something very exciting to look at. It was plain and boring, and not something you would want to stare at for hours on end, but somehow that was still where Logan ended up. His fingers danced on the desk in front of him, a constant tapping sound that filled his otherwise silent bedroom, and Logan felt like he was going crazy. He broke away from his staring contest with the wall, sighing and looking towards his phone for the time in hours.

2:00AM stared back up at him, and Logan sighed again. He dropped his head onto his desk, closing his burning eyes and wondering why. Why was he up so late doing absolutely nothing? Why was he letting his feelings eat away at him this way? Why couldn't he just push them aside, ignore them so he could focus more on being there for his boyfriend?

Logan frowned as he remembered Patton, eyes darting over to his phone again. He could text him. Or call him. Patton had said he would be there if he needed it, and Logan was sure that this was a time that he needed someone to talk to, but it was 2AM and Patton needed his sleep for school the next day.

Logan sighed for the third time as he thought about school. The thought of going to school again was enough to make him want to actually let his feelings get the best of him. It made him want to let the annoying tears that had gathered in his eyes finally fall.

School for Logan and Patton lately had been awful. Before it was when they could meet in the mornings, joke and laugh and catch up with their friends. Recently it just became... awkward. After Patton had snapped at Virgil almost a week ago Virgil only grew more distant from the two of them. He didn't bother greeting them in the mornings, or even looking at them.

Tears finally began to fall from Logan's eyes at the thought of his once best friend(other than Roman), the one he had ended up in love with. He missed him. He missed him so much, and there wasn't anything he could do to get him back. He hated feelings, hated them so so much. They were stupid, pointless, they only made things so much more complicated. If it weren't for his silly feelings for Virgil then maybe they would be friends still.

He missed Roman, too. He had just gotten back from his week of vacation, and now they still barely saw him. When they did it was made awkward because Virgil was there, and he still had no idea about any of this. He wished he could go back to the night before Roman had left. They had so much fun at the party they planned for him, playfully going back and forth with each other. He hadn't even minded when they ended up on the couch together, Roman's arms wrapped around him as they both drifted off.

Logan bitterly joked to himself that maybe he would end up in love with Roman too, just to make things even worse on himself. Almost immediately he regretted even having the thought, shaking his head at himself and finally reaching out to open up his phone. If he kept thinking to himself he was going to end up making things worse, and he refused to make himself even more miserable.

Logan decided to send a text first, simply asking Patton if he was awake or not. It took a minute for him to get a response, and Logan was sure he was going to have to deal with his stupid thoughts all on his own that night. Then his phone went off, and Patton was asking him if he was okay. Logan sighed in relief, not bothering to send a text back and going to press the call button on Patton's contact. His phone ringing broke the silence in his bedroom, and Logan winced at the noise, so used to the quiet at that point in the night.

Only a moment after the phone had begun to ring it was answered, and Logan felt relieved to hear his boyfriends voice on the other end. He sounded concerned, and though Logan felt bad for worrying him he was glad to have someone to talk to. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"I... Not exactly," Logan spoke hesitantly, realizing now that he wasn't sure what he should say. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about what was bothering him, and he was beginning to have second thoughts. What if Patton didn't really mean it when he offered to talk? What if Patton was feeling bad too and Logan only made it worse by talking about his own?

"Logan," Patton spoke softly. "Please talk to me. I'm here for you, okay? I want to help."

"I-I'm sorry," Logan frowned, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop more tears from falling. "It's just... tonight is not a good night. I don't really think I want to talk about it, but..."

"I get it," Patton told him, hearing Logan sigh. "You don't have to talk about it, but you can if you need to. We can just talk for now? I'll try my best to help cheer you up."

Logan nodded to himself, a very tiny hint of a smile on his lips as he imagined how his boyfriend probably looked right now. He was sure he would have his normal tiny comforting smile, and Logan wished he could see him in person now. Logan realized after a minute of just thinking of Patton that he was probably waiting on an answer, and drew in a shaky breath. "Talking for a bit sounds nice. Can I ask what you are doing up so late?"

There was silence on the other side for a few moments, and Logan wondered if maybe the call had ended somehow before Patton finally spoke. He sighed, mumbling. "Same as you... just not feeling too amazing tonight."

"Would you like to talk about it?" Logan offered immediately, ready to push his feelings aside to help Patton again.

"No," Patton said quickly. "I don't want to worry about it right now, honestly. I'd just like to talk to you and... try to forget about stuff."

"Then I suppose we need something to talk about," Logan pointed out, both of them going quiet once again as they thought. A minute or two later Logan heard Patton gasp suddenly, feeling slightly concerned before he began talking.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to tell you earlier, Marshmallow did something adorable earlier and it was the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Logan laughed as Patton launched into a story of something his dog had done, and already he was beginning to feel better. He forgot entirely about recent events and all of his worries, all of his focus on Patton and his story.

The two of them still stayed up late that night, but for the first night in a while they went to sleep feeling happy.