Tally Marks (Thomas Sanders PolySanders/LAMP fanfiction)

16

I know I said I wouldn't miss another update, but I procrastinated on writing this and also was busy, and some other things are going on right now so I haven't been able to focus much, so sorry. I'm trying to get as many extra chapters of this book and Haunted High School done as I can while I have the time and am feeling somewhat mentally okay, and I'll do my best not to miss an update again.

Logan had arrived home nearly two hours ago. It had been late, so he was hoping to get to sleep soon, but after a few minutes it was clear to him that sleep was not going to come very easily that night. He had laid down, closed his eyes, and almost immediately his thoughts ran wild.

He was worried. He had felt it ever since he left Virgil's house. He wondered what it was that caused him to panic like he had. He had said to Logan multiple times that he was scared-but what had scared him? What had caused him to worry that much?

He understood that the other had anxiety, and it could have been any number of things. However, that was one of the worst attacks he had that Logan had ever witnessed. Of course he was going to be concerned about what started it.

He went over several theories in his mind, but he didn't have much to go off of if he wanted to figure it out. Virgil seemed to purposefully say very little about it, so he couldn't be certain of anything. Then again, there wasn't very much that Virgil wouldn't tell him or any of their friends. So perhaps, Logan thought, Virgil being vague actually could help him in figuring it out.

Logan frowned, shifting in his bed so that he was sitting against the headboard instead of lying down. He was too worried now to possibly be tired, so what was the point of laying in bed? He continued to think of what Virgil could possibly not want to tell him about. What could be so bad that he couldn't tell any of them?

It was strange of him to go to Logan for help. Usually he would talk to his boyfriend about what was upsetting him. He supposed he could understand why he hadn't talked to him this time-Roman was out of town, so it was likely he was worried about annoying him. However, that didn't explain why he didn't call Patton.

Logan was not stupid. He understood that both of their friends were much better at handling situations that dealt with feelings, and especially Patton. It seemed obvious that he would be picked before Logan, so why had Virgil contacted him instead?

Logan sighed, shaking his head at himself. It was pointless to think about these things. Perhaps he simply wasn't thinking and picked Logan's name at random. It was entirely possible.

He knew he needed to stop thinking about Virgil for the night. He needed to sleep, and the more he thought about Virgil the more nauseous he felt. One thought led to thousands more, and he wouldn't be able to rest tonight if he didn't stop thinking.

He couldn't stop himself from being worried though. He remembered the way Virgil looked when he offered to stay-he seemed to like the idea at first. Then he had told him no, and when Logan asked again he snapped. He couldn't help but wonder if he had done or said something wrong, or if maybe he also had something to do with Virgil's anxiety attack.

Logan suddenly realized that he hadn't been this worried since the day he found out about Patton's two new tallies. It had been exactly the same; he couldn't focus, and he felt sick. He couldn't stand knowing that someone he loved was hurting and there was nothing he could do about it, so it made sense that he would be just as worried now as he was then.

Logan paused, frowning. Someone he loved... but it wasn't entirely the same, was it? Sure he cared for all of his friends more than anything, but of course he cared about them in different ways. He wasn't in love with Virgil.

Was he?

Logan quickly shook his head at the idea, tilting his head back so it hit the bed behind him, staring up at the ceiling. Of course not. He couldn't be, he told himself.

Then he remembered what had happened the night before at Patton's house. How he had been thinking of both of them-thinking about Virgil. He remembered feeling something, and then his wrist had itched. When he looked down there was nothing, but then Logan remembered that he had done the same thing before.

Over a year ago was when it first happened. When he first started to feel something for someone. For Patton, specifically. He didn't get his first actual tally mark for a long time, despite knowing there was something he was feeling.

For months he kept feeling the same annoying itch, every single time he was around Patton. He ignored it every time. He couldn't possibly be falling in love with his best friend! He just couldn't. He was too scared.

So he continued to ignore it. Any time he found his mind drifting to his friend he immediately thought of something else. Every time he felt it again on his wrist he would wait until it went away. He never acknowledged it. He knew that the second he payed it any attention it would be real, and he would have to admit it to himself.

It wasn't until he found out about Patton's mark on accident that he even really thought about it. He had been devastated to find out that his friend had a mark. So devastated that he couldn't ignore what he was feeling any longer. He finally admitted to himself what he was feeling, finally acknowledged the itch he had felt for months, and his tally mark finally appeared.

He had never been happier when he finally looked down and saw that his new mark was black. Terrified too, but really he had just gotten lucky.

He wondered briefly if the same thing was happening all over again, but immediately he stopped himself from thinking about it. Patton falling in love with all of them... that made sense. His boyfriend was already an incredibly loving and kind person, and he cared for all of them. When Logan thought about it it really wasn't even that surprising. But him? That was an entirely different story. He couldn't love more than one person. He never even thought he'd fall for Patton, and definitely not for Virgil.

Logan knew the itch was there again. He knew there was something he was feeling, but he couldn't face that just yet. He had only experienced unrequited love once in his life, and even though it turned out well in the end that time it didn't mean this would. He didn't think he could go through that again.

So Logan pulled his blankets up to cover himself better, laying back down and trying to push his worried thoughts about Virgil away. It was hard, and he was still up for another hour trying to calm himself down enough, but eventually the itching stopped, and Logan fell into a restless sleep.