unpolished [lams]

Chronicles Of An Announced Death

A/n: Okay so tag yourself. I'm John.

Subtle.

Alexander Hamilton doesn't know about that word. Or it's meaning. Or anything related to subtleness.

So when he liked something — or someone — he didn't bother in hiding it.

In this particular case, he liked John Laurens. No. Liking is an understatement.

He simply, completely and utterly had the must ridiculous adoration and desire towards John Laurens.

And John knew it. Not that Alex had verbally expressed such feelings but...

Everybody knew it, actually.

"Hey Alex, wanna come — ? "

"Sure John."

"But you don't know what I was going to say."

"Do I really have to?"

"Alexander." John deadpanned.

"John?" He smiled sweetly. A red strand of hair falling over his face. He blew it off crossing his violet eyes.

John chuckled and tucked it behind his ear. Alex bit his lip at such action.

"Alex, do you know how to say no?" John asked jokingly.

"I do." He nodded. "Just not really when you ask me things." Shrugging, Alex started walking, John following behind.

And John had a problem.

Well, not really a problem but he just didn't know how not cause a situation about the situation.

Complicated much?

Point is. John did knew that Alex liked him.

But John didn't like him back.

And not because Alex was an unlikeable person, neither he had feelings for someone else. He did not like girls, so that wasn't the reason either.

He totally loved Alex's orangish curls, and his freckles and his blue almost violet eyes. He also loved his small size and curvy legs. His pale skin and perfect smile. He loved how big mouthed he was and big minded too.

But he apparently couldn't love him enough.

See, it took forever for John to comprehend about his Aromanticism.

And he didn't want to hurt Alex's feelings.

"Hey I like you but I don't enjoy relationships or romance. Like, we can bang and stuff but I'll never like the idea of having something with you or anyone. I'm okay with just friendship. Still really fucking like you, though."

Remember about subtleness?

The word, also, wasn't in John's dictionary.

"So, where are we going?" Alex asked, licking at a lollipop he took from his bag.

"Uh, my sister is having a party on Friday, and she asked me to bring a friend."

Alex nodded. The word friend didn't really bothered him. He considered that a friendship base was the start of a romantic construction.

"Nice, why me though?" Who says he had any patience, after all?

"Because you like me, and you'll be the perfect date." He said, not really filtering his words. "Even though I couldn't never really date you, or anyone."

Alex stoped walking. Looked at John seriously, not really letting the sting of his heart get in the way at the moment.

"Come again?"

"Yeah Alex, aromatic people don't do relationships."

"And you're aromatic now?"

"Always been."

Alex slowly nodded. Grabbed John's hand and with his free fingers brushed a blonde lock. His eyes watering, he smiled and kept walking, still holding John.

John didn't mind. He knew he probably said it too frankly.

"I'm sorry Alex."

"Don't take pity on me, please."

"I'm not." John shook his head. "You're wonderful Alexander, look at me. " He made the walking stop and turned Alex to face him. "You're beautiful, smart, funny, charismatic, creative you're fucking adorable and adorably fuckable. Like hot as hell." He made Alex blush. "But I can't promise you anything, because I'm emotionally incapable of loving in a romantic way."

Alex looked at him. "How can you say all of those things without feeling anything?" He urged

"Because not liking romance doesn't mean I can't see the beauty in you. Doesn't mean I can't desire you in a physical way. Doesn't not fucking mean I won't notice how much of a keeper you are and you have no idea how much I wished I could love you like you deserve to be loved."

Alex said nothing. He just tiptoed and placed a kiss on John's cheek.

"I love you."

"I know, and I'm very sorry for that."

Then they walked in silence.

A broken heart holding a guilty one.

*****

Did I just came out to all of you?

Welp, that escalated quickly.

And yes, you can have sexual attraction and not like romance. You can be any of the letters on the LGBTQ+ and still dislike romantic stuff. And you can be a romantic little shit and not feel any sexual attraction.

Do research before commenting anything...

I love you guys. ❤