Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

4.

August's p.o.v

"Since when do you care about my safety." She scoffs, pushing me further away from her.

"Since I realized that if you hadn't followed me you wouldn't even be in any kind of danger."

"Well who's problem is that? Sounds a lot like mines so leave me alone."

That's kind of what I expected. Why would a person who's used to be alone be desperate for the company of the person she actually doesn't like?

She practically grew up in solitude; unlike everyone else, she's not afraid to be lonely. In fact, I think she's scared to not be lonely.

"Why don't you just focus on something else instead of how much you hate me." I tell her, but I know she won't give it up until I start acting like she doesn't exist all over again.

"Hard to do when you're making me hate you more and more each day."

Hate is a strong word, I've used it a lot in my time but never actually meaning it. How could you really hate anyone?

I wanted to hate my mom for walking out on me and leaving me with the man she was running from. Always feeling like it was my fault; having to grow out of the guilt is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Eventually I found myself not hating her.

I thought I could hate the world at one point, but that was too hard. Discovering that hatred was something I couldn't bare, I just begin to isolate myself from everyone around me.

"You need a therapist." I suggest and Catalina mugs me from the distance she's standing. "I'm just sayin, alone isn't for everyone."

"I made myself get used to it."

How does a girl like that really not have any friends? Obviously she doesn't want any, but looking at her you wouldn't perceive her as the impulsive, loner type.

"Since when are you decent anyway?"

"I'm only indecent because I want to keep people from talking to me or trying to be my friend. However, you're already here and acting like that makes it harder for the both of us." I add the last part especially, so she can stop being so uptight. I'm not trying to get close to her so she doesn't have to make sure I stay away.

"You'd actually be an exceptional person if you weren't so bent on keeping people away."

"I guess you'd still be a horrible person either way."

"No, I just genuinely don't like you."

"Understandable." I shrug.

Genuine isn't the best word to use for describing her dislike, but I let her have her moment. I think everyone who sees me automatically assumes I'm ignorant if they ever get to know me.

Believe it or not I'm actually a mean person, I just don't have a reason to be everyone's perception of nice. I don't think there's a such thing as nice, because if so, no one would ever be alone.

"So what should we do?" She finally speaks to me with some human decency. Her shoulders relax ever so slightly.

"Continue acting like the other doesn't exist and pick up trash." I respond in a cavalier tone, walking away from her and towards the trash can on the other side on the freshly cut grass.

"but where's the fun in that?" She scurries behind me in her blue vans, the ones she managed to make sure you couldn't see where she's tied the strings.

"The fun is when you didn't like me." I explain, tossing the white garbage bag into the dumpster.

I never knew Catalina talked this much, I never knew she could even give me any other look than a dirty one.