Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

14.

CATALINA.

"Since you're my friend now I just figured that you might as well start treating me accordingly." August says to me as he rakes leaves into a huge garbage bag.

I can't wait until this month is over. No more cleaning the yards after school and most importantly no more being forced to see him everyday.

"I never said we were friends."

"What's understood doesn't need to be said."

"When I asked you to be my friends I was feeling very confused and desperate." I clarify. "I didn't plan on asking again."

Maybe he's being my friend out of pity because I broke my ankle. Whatever it is I don't need his sympathy. You'd think that since I'm pretty much useless to any after school work that I wouldn't have to show up.

However, since it would be "unfair" to have August clean everything up by himself I have no choice but to do the bare minimum like wiping off the outside tables, or closing the umbrellas. Any trash above the ground is the trash I take care of.

"Have you ever been in love?" August randomly asks me.

I don't know if he thinks just because he calls himself my friend that I'm supposed to immediately open up to him or what.

"No. I have not, why does it even matter?"

"It doesn't, I was just curious." He shrugs. "can I ask why not?"

"I don't know? I've never liked anyone enough to love them. Why haven't you been in love Jesus." I grow frustrated even though he's only asked me two questions.

"Might want to take a chill pill." He annoying raising a suggestive eyebrow.

*********

I wrap up a pound of turkey breast and slap it on the counter for the customer to take. The line is moving way too fast for me to bother with all that 'have a good day crap'. Besides, Kaden only needs my help to keep it moving not my hospitality.

"Did I ever tell you about this lady you remind me of?"

"Yeah you have. Several times. You never said anything about her you just keep saying it.....every single time you see me." I roll my eyes slightly.

"Her name is Katrina, I graduated school with her. She still shops here from time to time. I can't figure out what it is about you though. Maybe it's the hair."

I no longer care to explore the what-ifs.

What if she's my mother? What if I never spend years as an orphan? What if this... what if that.... none of it matters anymore. Besides, I don't know much but I have a strong feeling that whoever the lady that gave birth to me is, she's a few years younger than Kaden is anyway.

Otherwise she'd have no reason to give me away.

"That's great." I mumble sarcastically.

I huff and take the gloves off of my hand. I've been dealing with meat so much today that I forgot what fresh air smells like. I lean on the counter and wonder more about this 'Katrina' woman.

I know I said I don't want to explore the what if's but I can't stop thinking about the possibility. The chance that I'd at least get to ask why I wasn't good enough for her? I want to ask her why she didn't do so little as sign my birth certificate. I know none of that will actually help me progress in any way, but maybe it'll satisfy this void inside me that can't seems to be filled by any amount of happiness.

"Hey- Hiiii." August grins when he realizes that it's me standing behind the counter.

"Either you restock your fridge every weekend or you're stalking me." I roll my eyes and lean on the counter with one hand.