Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

30.

Look what I found under my mattress lmaooo. I did this by my grandma house when I left my journal. Bro it did not get that serious. Front and back on the chocolate box.😂
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I'm not prepared for whatever is going to happen next. I know that there won't be a happy ending for any of us except August. You'd say he's outnumbered but all I see is three different options that will destroy the other two no matter who he chooses. So he has the upper hand.

"No wonder your name is so stupid." Christian mumbles to himself in realization. "He picked it out."

"So you want me dead because what?" I ask August.

Although my mother's story of their history was vivid enough, I can't understand why that four year old boy would grow up to want  every member of that family that.

I was never even a member of the family, sure I have the last name but I wasn't even born at the time. I've never met my grandfather, let alone be guilty in any of his cruel and violent punishments.

"Lets just say you're collateral damage." August keeps his explanation brief.

"You don't have to do this." Katrina speaks. Her voice is shaking, it has been the whole time.

"What is it that your father used to say?" August speaks to my mom who's gun is visibly shaking in her hand due to her nerves. "Death is better suited for the innocent?"

I feel his gun nudge me in my side and I begin to think that this is it.

I'm going to die, right here, in my front room. With the family I've never known and won't get a chance to know watching it happen.

I can't stop thinking about all the times Christian tried to warn me. All the subliminal things he'd say. Like telling me that the less I knew the better, or telling me that I'd thank him in the future, saying that he's trying to make sure I live long enough to see my graduation.

He would've never hurt me or any one else. He just did what he thought was necessary for me to help him, and I messed it up. Why wasn't he just honest? Why'd he make himself seem like a lunatic? I guess he though me being afraid of him would be more effective than him having to earn my trust.

"I don't want to hurt you August-"

"That's not my name!" He snaps in frustration as she speaks.

"I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to." Katrina speaks cautiously.

I was scared at first, but when I come to terms with it, better me than anyone else. If I die, I won't have to watch anyone else die. If I die, I won't have to see any of them take someone's life. I can die believing that they loved me and would've done anything for my safety.

"but you know what Katrina?" I don't feel the head of his gun against me because he moves it. He moves it and points it at my mother. "You are innocent."

"If only you'd come to that realization years ago." Christian taunts in boredom. "Then maybe... I don't know- you'd still have some life to live after this."

"Could you not piss him off?" I glare at him. "Considering that it would only take him three seconds to kill me."

"Right... sorry."

"You think my father will care that I'm dead? Who do you think you're hurting?" I hear real emotion in her voice, it sounds just like it was the day she met me. She's nervous and scared.

"You. I don't care about hurting your father all I care about is making you people feel exactly how I felt. You took my father away from me and I had to watch it happen!" He's practically yelling. He's bulging with rage and it shows. "I was alone my whole life. Wondering what happened. You lied to me for such a long time.. always promising he'd come back."