Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

42

"No. Wait. Stop!" My words come out all together due to my nerves.

From the look on Christian's face I don't think I'll be able to talk him down. I can't imagine that anything I say will make him not want to end the man who murdered his mother in cold blood right in his face while he stood there helpless.

If I had to pick someone who hated August more than I did, it'd be Christian. Not only did he take away the most important person in his life, he brought pain to those he cares about in doing so. Christian still feels like it's his fault, so I know that he won't hesitate to project that feeling on someone else. The only way for him to avenge our mother- he told me himself- would be in August's death.

I stand there in silence. For a split second I wonder if I should let him follow through with it. Do I really want this to be how it ends though? Someone dying right in front of my face again. Another death caused by a personal vendetta.

I always thought that I wanted August to die. I guess that's cause I never really saw it as something attainable. It was nothing more than a day dream for me. Seeing him so close to death brings up an emotion inside of me that I hate. I don't know what it is that causes me to feel sympathy for him. Suddenly all the thoughts of the human side of him come flooding back, and I don't want him dead anymore.

Christian barely turn around to look at me. "Stop?"

"Yes."

He turns back around- as if he was going to pretend I wasn't there- and moves his foot to secure his hold on August.

"Catarina is in trouble!" I blurt out.

I feel odd at the fact that I can't tell if I had said it more for her sake of for his.

"I don't play like that Catalina." Christian says to me through his clenched teeth. "Come up with something else."

"I'm not lying."

I hate always sounding helpless. Always having to convince someone why something is important to me; It's tiring.

"She's not." August speaks like he's afraid that his voice will trigger Christian. "That's why I came here. Two guys- they took her coming out of class-"

"If you wanted to help her, why'd you come here instead of following them!?" I raise my voice in panic.

I can only imagine how scared she is, and the thought alone brings me an indescribable feeling. I just hope that she's okay. I wish that I didn't have to worry about her so much and she could fend for herself, but I know that she's not built for a situation like this in any way.

I notice how Christians moves his foot ever so slightly, loosening his hold on August. He does it as the idea of Catarina being in danger registers with him. I see August glance at the movement in his feet as well. I can only hope that he's genuine and is here to help.

The only thing I wonder now is if getting Catarina home safely is more important to Christian than killing August.

August isn't stupid. He pretends to not notice Christian's moment of weakness. "I did, I know where she is. I didn't bother to help her because I knew she wouldn't trust me."

"and we should believe you why?" Christian is back to his unforgiving, illogical self. "Do you believe him?" He turns around to look at me.

I glance in August's direction, making brief eye contact with him. I've only seen him look genuine so many times since I've known him; at least what I assumed was genuine. Thinking about it now, that look that I once found comfort in could've been a facade too.