Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

15.

CATALINA

"You come and you ask a girl on crutches to take a freaking walk with you. Am I supposed to take you serious?"I ask August as I scoot in the chair and put my crutches against the wall.

"The fact that you're handicap did not register when I asked." He defends himself.

I roll my eyes and tap my fingers against the table while we wait for our food in silence. Of all the times I've been around here, I never knew about this place. For the neighborhood it's in, it's really nice on the inside.

"Do you know what you want your future to be like?" He's the first to break the silence as always.

"No..." I shrug, as I see that even I've just come to that realization.

To say I'm an adult, I never even thought about my future, and I don't have too much time to stall on it either.

"Well why not?"

"I don't even know. Most girls my age should have everything mapped out by now, and I'm just- I don't know." His question was a real eye opener.

"If you haven't noticed by now." He leans over closer to me so I can hear his low tone. "You're not like most girls your age."

"and what is that supposed to mean?!" I fold my arms, and begin to glare at him.

"I wasn't trying to offend you I'm just saying that... you're just different I guess."

"Different like what though?"

"Can't explain it, but nice isn't one of the things you are. You don't seem like the kind of person to picture a family and a wedding." He elaborates. "Besides, who are you going to invite to your wedding anyway?"

I scoff before letting out a laugh. I guess he's right actually. "You I guess. I don't know."

"I thought we weren't friends."

"No, but we talk. So I can invite you and my mother can invite her friends and family and yeah I guess."

August let's out a low chuckle. It's odd to see him laugh at something I said, because usually he's laughing at me and not with me.

Maybe we can sort of kind of attempt to be friends. If it doesn't work out (which it probably won't) at the very least, I'd get to say I experienced the whole friend thing at least once.

*******

I search through my mothers drawers in desperate search for my student I.D. I did not pay as much money for that thing as I did just to lose it and not be able to eat in the cafeteria.

I remember burying it in her room because it was so fucking hideous but now it's no where to be found. I'd ask her where it is if she wasn't at work 24/7.

I pull out a huge container filled with papers from her closet. If it's going to be anywhere it's definitely with the thousands of elementary drawings, report cards, and cards I've given her over the years.

I furrow my eyebrows as I pull out a closed beige envelope from the box. On it, is my name written in an unfamiliar handwriting. I turn the envelope around to notice that it's still sealed tightly with the words 'Happy 18th Birthday' written on it.

That's odd, considering my 18th birthday was two years ago. Before you ask, yes I'm 20 and I still live with my mother but that's only because she wants me to focus solely on school and not buying a house and paying rent- because she claims it'll maximize my stress.

I sit on the back of my legs and look closer at the envelope, not sure if it's even for me. Then again, why else would my name be written on it? No one even knew my name until my mom gave me one- the woman who pushed me out of her hadn't bothered to attempt.