Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

17.

CATALINA

"So how do I start?" I stare at the Google Search engine with no idea of what I'm even supposed to be typing in.

"Well in all the shows I watched and research I did they usually just type in a full name and location." He explains.

"You did research- never mind." I have more important things to worry about, like the fact that I don't even know her full name.

"I don't know her first name."

"Just type in DeLaRosa followed by the city."

Maybe if I'm lucky I'll find a name with a K in it.

"What about that?" He points at one of the names I mindlessly scrolled past. "Catarina Delarosa."

I shrug my shoulders as I click on it. It's probably not her, but checking can't do any harm. That's why I'm here right?

It opens up an Instagram account, but the girl who pops up looks way too young to be anyone's mother. In the recents there's pictures of her in a cap and gown, at a pep rally with friends, and once again she looks too young.

"No... she's definitely like 18. There's no way I'm older than my mother so-"

"but your names sound so much alike and she kind of looks like you." He says which causes me to avert my attention to the screen.

"Okay... what are the odds that someone has blonde hair like I do? Plus I don't know- she's way too prettier than me for us to be related." I tilt my head to observe the picture closely.

Her eyes are a glistening, light blue, her lips are full and nicely shaped, and her hips spread wider than mine.

"Never." August shakes his head and moves in front of me to look at the computer screen. "You're an easy ten, she's like a- I don't know.... an eight."

"Eight?! Are you out of your mind?"

"No."

"You gave me a ten and her an eight?" I chuckle. If he's not high he must be something else.

"Yes because you're beautiful. So is she but- I don't know I just think you-" he cuts his sentence short before finishing it, and doesn't even bother to change the subject so I don't as why.

He knows me well enough to know that I won't ask what he was going to say.

I've noticed that he's told me that more than any one else has in my life. Besides my mother slipping it in ever once in a while to remind me that I am.

August says it any time I say something to downplay my 'beauty'. I don't really see it, but lucky for me I'm not a person who dwells on looks. So my beauty- or lack thereof doesn't bother me.

I follow the girl for some odd reason before I go back to scan through other options. Nothing.

Click after click it all seems to be the same. I had scrolled through so many that google hadn't even bothered to keep showing me the "DeLaRosa's" of Portland, but any ethic last name they could think of.

"I quit." I close the computer in frustration and sit it aside.

I knew this was pointless before I even started. Even if I had found her what the fuck was I going to do anyway? Ask her a few questions? How was I supposed to build a relationship after all this time anyway?

"It's alright." August says to me.

"No it's not. Besides the fact that I was completely stupid for wanting to look for her to begin with I'm much more of an imbecile for thinking I'd find her."