Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

62

CATALINA

I raise my numb finger to ring the door bell to my house. I see two of them, it's all a multiplied blur. I feel light headed and woozy. Physically, I think what I've seen has made me sick. I keep seeing it. I closed my eyes and bang my head against the steering wheel at least ten times, but the image never went away.

Catarina opens the door. She smiles when she sees me, I watch that smile turn into a frown when she looks at me. She eyes my entire body head to toe until her eyes widen in absolute horror.

"You're bleeding." She gasps.

"What?" I speak in a breathless voice as I furrow my eyebrows.

I don't feel any pain or maybe I don't feel it because of the shock. I look down to see crimson red droplets of blood trickling down my legs. When I look at them, I feel it. I feel my insides being squeezed together and a sharp sensation stabbing at my lower abdomen and I gasp.

"Oh my god!" I look at the giant red stain of blood splashed on my dress. I don't know what it is.

"Let's go." She runs inside to grab her keys and slip on some shoes. "Just be calm okay? I don't know—"

"Okay." I interrupt her. I try to cooperate and stay calm and rationalized, but between all the blood and the throbbing pain in my gut I can't help but choke back sobs and groans.

The car ride that's usually about ten minutes away seems to take millenniums. Ten minutes is too long to debate between focusing on the fact that you're bleeding from God knows where or that you just saw your aunt lying on the floor with a bullet hole in her head. When I think about Katherine, I don't feel the pain. My mind goes blank and I stare out of the car window. It isn't until Catarina assist me into the emergency that I begin to focus back on my reality.

"We need help!" She speaks loudly in attempts to get someone's attention.

I feel so weak that I'm leaning entirely on her for support, I can barely stand up on my own.

"What's wrong?" A nurse rushes towards me with a wheelchair. She gently takes me from Catarina's side and places me in it.

"I don't know." Catarina speaks for me. "She's bleeding and she has bad stomach cramps."

"Are you pregnant?" The lady tried to roll me to a secluded area and ask me questions at the same time.

"No."I shake my head. "I don't think I am."

"and you're sure of this?"

I shake my head no again. I can't be sure, but I don't think that I am. I'd know if I was, I would've had morning sickness or some subtle signs.

"Okay." The triage nurse lifts me from the chair and gently moves me to a stretcher. Too scared to ask what's happening I look up at Catarina who puts her hand on mine in a comforting way. "Okay Catalina, I think you're having a miscarriage. Is that possible?"

"I-I don't know." I stutter.

"Have you had sex this past month?"

I nod my head. At the beginning of the month and pretty much every other day after that, but she doesn't care to know that much and I can barely speak so I won't be able to tell her.

Catarina intertwines our fingers as she stands beside me. I lean my head back and squeeze my eyes shut to suppress the pain. Where's Ashton!? I don't know what's wrong with me, but I want him to be here. I try not to cry. I sniffle as I try to get rid of the approaching tears.

"It's going to be okay." Catarina leans down to tell me.

and everything is anything but okay.