Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

49.

I did nottt mean to update this fast but this chapter deserves comments, I'm tired of y'all trying me 😔😔😂😂. (Mainly cause I'm just lost like is it boring, do y'all like it??? Like idk)

AUGUST

Kaden's store has been a safe haven to me for as long as I can remember. When my dad would argue, I'd come here. When my mom left us, this was the first place that I came. When I was about seventeen years old, I'd count the number of blocks from my house to his store. It's seven. Seven blocks and one crossroad away.

I didn't show for a while as everything went on with Catalina, but now that it's settled, I'm always here. I help out just to remind myself of her. I think it's my favorite place more so, because everyday she shows up for the same time. I'm not obsessed with her, I just like seeing her. I think there's a thing with humans and loving the things they can't have.

I haven't seen her since I gave her the letter two days ago. Lucky for me, it's given me time to think about what I'd say if she ever brought it up. But there she is. Walking hand in hand with her charming, wasn't killed in the hospital shooting, doctor crush— well, boyfriend now. According to Melody.

"This is my boyfriend." She holds her hand up to show me that it's intertwined with his as she leans closer to him.

As if I don't see they're holding hands and don't already know that they're dating. I'm pathetically in love with her, not blind.

I don't understand what her purpose in doing that is. Is it to make me jealous? or show me that she's happy without needing any validation from me. I can see that she's happy, there's no need to prove it.

She looks happy, and noticing it is absurd, because I'd never noticed that she didn't look happy before. I was so used to her sad, shrewdish face that I never thought of it as sad or shrewdish. Seeing her with a natural smile on her face, her hair well kept and neat, with her skin glowing makes me think twice. How is it that I'd never seen her genuinely happy?

I couldn't make her forget all her worries, and I knew her before she lost her mother. It speaks volumes about the way I thought she felt about me. It makes me second guess everything I've ever thought. With some of that reflecting, a bit of guilt goes away. At least if she didn't like me as much as I thought, I don't have to feel as bad as I used to about what I did.

"Okay." I want to say something else. I don't want to just pass up the only chance I may get to talk to her like I don't know how much she despises me.

"Yeah." She nods her head.

There's no way she could've possibly liked the both of us in her lifetime. She's... something different when she's with him— from the smile to the jewelry on her arm and neck— and I hate that it's so noticeable. If I couldn't tell how she felt about him, I wouldn't be analyzing this in my head. I probably would've never doubted the feelings that I know she once had for me.

I can't bring myself to say more to her though. I hate that because I know that the next time I see her, she'd probably be married or pregnant. The fact that I know I have no right, and don't want to intrude holds me back too.

When she walks past me, I find myself spinning on my heels to let my eyes follow her. She laughs at something he tells her. She doesn't look back to see it I'm still looking, because of that, I know that she doesn't care.

I won't let her just pretend I don't exist. A surge of jealousy rushes over me and I speed walk to catch up with them.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask.

"No." Catalina scoffs. "We're not doing this. Okay? You told me goodbye, remember?"

He turns around to look at me, but just like her he pretends that I'm not here. That's fine. I don't want to be his friend, I'm trying to convince his girlfriend that she's in love with me.