Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

25

"I don't like you back." I admit truthfully. "At least I don't think I do."

I don't think about boys because I know it's never going to happen. I remember when I used to have crushes but they never worked out the way I intended them to so I just stopped all together.

"I wasn't expecting you to. Plus it isn't a 'I want to date you' like, it's more of an admiration thing." August explains.

"So you wouldn't date me?"

"Hypothetically. Maybe, but we're way too complicated to make it work in such a short amount of time."

I sigh in defeat, not sure what to say to him.

I can't tell him everything is going to be okay, because I don't know that. I don't have any reassuring words or any 'last words'.

I've never been with someone during their near death days. I always imagined it'd be with them sick in a hospital bed, knowing they're going to go someday; but how do I come up with last words for someone who is sitting in front of me in perfect condition?

"Why do you keep saying stuff like that? How are you so sure you're going to die!?" I scoff out in anger.

I'm more mad at the situation than him, but the universe isn't going to give a damn if I yell at it.

"Even if I don't die, my life will never be the same. Either he dies or I do, there's no way around it." August shrugs like that's just it.

He shrugs like he's done everything he can to keep it from happening and nothing worked. Like he has no other choice but to give up.

"What if we run? Well you- I have to stay." I sound frantic as I try to think of a way out of this.

I won't let this just be it.

"That'd be putting you and your family in danger and I could never do that."

"I don't want you to die." I tell him.

I didn't think it mattered, but it does. Why do I all of a sudden care so much? Four months ago if someone had told me he was going to die I wouldn't care because it wouldn't impact me at all.

Now, it's just weird.

"You think I want me to die?" I can tell his emotions are all over the place because he lets out a nervous chuckle.

"We can- I don't know!" I huff in frustration. "Okay uhm I can pretend that you gave me a reason to absolutely hate you-"

"Right... which will just make him want to kill me even more. No big deal." August looks at me like I'm insane.

"No. Okay so I'll just make something up so that he believes I whole heartedly want to help him, but I'll actually be helping you. Does that make sense?"

"A little."

"Basically I'm going to set you up to set him up. It's easier to do than explain."

August only nods his head. I guess he understands what I'm trying to say.

"Christian is like a psychopath- sociopath cross breed. So if I don't do this perfectly, he'll notice and most likely lash out." I warn him.

In other words I'm trying to let him know that this isn't destined to work out. Even if it does, the only way for it to fully work is for him to kill Christian before Christian kills him. Which will make him a murderer and change him forever.

He might even start to resent me further down the road if it works.

"Have you even done this before?" I cant help but ask."because you don't really seem to be afraid."