Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

31.

*MENTAL HEALTH WARNING** Hi, this is a really emotionally intensive chapter. I'm talking saddddddddd, no exaggeration. So if stuff that like bothers you or could put you in a dark mood there's a "++.." for where it ends (still sad though) but if you don't want to read it at all just dm me for a summary if you feel skipping a whole chapter is missing too much.

========

and in an instant, he shoots.

Every thing moves in slow motion. Even the bullet that pierced my mother's heart before I even blink an eye. It glides across the room.

Christian's loud yelling as he tried to jump in front of her is in slow motion. The blood hitting the three hundred dollar carpet falls from her in slow motion.

The only thing that isn't slow is me as I run from where I'm standing to see her passed out on the floor. Her white shirt permanently stained

"No!" I scream, every sob that chokes out sounds like a loud scream. I can feel this pain in the depths of my heart, unlike anything I've ever experienced before.

"Please please please." I repeat looking at her lifeless body, but it doesn't stop me from shaking her vigorously like it would wake her up.

I can feel Christian step beside me. I swallow harshly, tears streaming down my cheek. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest I can feel the pain inside of me, the worst pain I've ever felt.

"You can't leave me again. Please don't." I lay my head against her chest, weeping.

I don't hear her heart beat or her soft breaths. I can't feel the rising and falling of her chest like I imagined. My first time being in her arms and she's not even really here.

"Catalina-"

"No. She's not- she's not dead. She can't be."

"We have to go." I hear his voice crack as well, he just won't show his pain.

"I can't leave. She's- I can't just leave her here." Like she left me all those years ago.

"I'm sorry!" I cry out loud. "I'm sorry, I'm not mad anymore. I forgive you.Please don't leave me, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I love you- I just didn't know how to say it."

Christian places his hand on my shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze, while I grab her hands.

"You can't leave!" I jerk her forcefully. "I don't even know you yet."

"We have to go." Christian repeats.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not until she comes back."

"She's not coming back!" He yells at me.

"She has to. She owes me this! I can't-"

"I know. I know." He pulls me closer to him, into a hug.

"She's gone and I don't- we barely got a chance." I cry helplessly on his chest.

I didn't know I could feel such an excruciating pain. I didn't know something that wasn't physical could hurt you so bad. It does though, more than anything I've ever been through.

How do I say goodbye? I'm not even ready to say goodbye, I didn't prepare anything. Her death was the one I was least concerned.

"I know we have to leave, but can I please say something?"

Christian moves his arm from around my shoulders to let me go back to her. I don't get too close, I turn back around to him after looking at her laying there, quiet and helpless.