Love Pretends -Summers Brothers

CHAPTER 21 A LOVER'S PROMISE

Xiennah's POV

Chole was so furious. We we're in our usual place, sheltered under the only tree in the school's football field. He was so angry that he punched the tree with his bare hands! "Chole please stop!" I hugged him from behind. "Please calm down! Whatever is bothering you, we can talk about it. "You can't help me," he said coldly. "Just tell me please. Is it about your brother?" But instead of answering me, he just looked away. "Chole, you can trust me. Whatever is your problem, you can tell it to me. I'm very willing to listen." He just looked at me and there I noticed his pained expression. And there it hit me. It's not about his brother but it's about her; his first love. I felt hurt suddenly. It's a big possibility that he's still in love with her. "D-do you still love her?" I tried to steady my voice but failed. I fisted my hands, feeling my nails slightly buried in my skin so that the pain I'm feeling will be directed there. Maybe I'm a masochist for asking such question with an obvious answer. But I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. "Chole, please tell me honestly. Are you still in love with her?" He just looked away. "I-I don't know, Xiennah. I'm sorry," he looked down. "What about me? What will happen to me... to us?" I suddenly turned my back so that he'll not see that I'm already crying. I really hated it every time someone sees me cry. I wanted to act tough all the time even in moments like this because crying will not help in solving problems. And I hate it that I cry so easily all the time. If only I could become much stronger but I couldn't. "Xiennah..." I laughed trying it to sound genuine but it sounded too fake instead. "What a stressful day! Anyways, I forgot my notes in my lockers. I need to get it to study for tomorrow's quiz. Bye, Chole" I'm about to leave when Chole suddenly grabbed my hand. "Wait! Xiennah, are you crying?" "No you idiot! Why would I?" I quickly said looking down. I don't know how I could manage to talk to him casually while I'm crying secretly. He tried to turn me around and lifted my chin to face him but I resisted. "Please look at me, Xiennah," he said gently. "Don't worry about me. I understand, Chole. You're just confused. I know you already moved on from loving her. She's just from your past and I'm your present. Chole, you're just confused okay? It's me this time, right?" I said still looking down while my tears kept on flowing. I don't know if it's only meant for Chole or am I also trying to convince myself too. "You just need time to figure everything out. So I'm giving you one. I'll go so that you can be alone and clear things out and I'll just be here waiting for you. I'll wait for you Chole," I said then left. I felt as if my feet were too heavy and still gets heavier the farther I'm walking away from him. Maybe I was half expecting that he'll stop me and immediately clear things out. That he'll eventually tell me that he indeed just confused and that I'm the one he loves this time. That he's choosing me over her. Or that he'll run towards me and hugged me from behind, apologizing for hurting me awhile ago. Or he'll suddenly shout saying that he was just kidding from the start and that he's already moved on from her a long time ago and that he's just making fun of me. But he never did a thing. When I was far enough that he'll not noticed me crying, I looked back at him. And there I saw him in the same position, head bent down. And when I saw him wiping his eyes, there I realized that he was crying too. He was in fact shaking. I'm not that naive to think that he's crying for hurting me. "She's here. But don't let your hopes up. She came here for me." His twin brother's voice kept on replaying in my mind. He's crying because of her. He's crying because his first love loves his twin brother instead. He's crying because he can't have her. He's crying because he's still in loves with her. But the more he cried, the more pain I felt knowing that I couldn't save him from that heartbreak; that all I could do was to cry while looking at him from afar. Being helpless sucks. Worst, I just love a broken man that I thought is already fixed but not. But I did promise to you Chole. "Just hold me and I'll not ever let go. Or even if someday people will try to break us apart, I will never ever give up on us. Even if you're the one who seems giving up, I'll be the one to fight... for the both of us. And if at the end, you left me, I'll still be waiting for you, unless you wanted me to let go, then I will." I'll fight for you. Even if it's against her, even if it's your first love, even if I know that it's a losing battle, even if I already know the outcome, even if it'll not be me in the end, I'll still fight. I'll fight a losing battle, even to risk my heart, I'll still will... because that's how much I love you.