Only In Jannah

19: Confessions

Hidaya smiled inhaling deeply as a swish of wind caressed the skin on her face, she loved it there, she loved the perfect view she had of the sun as it moved to kiss the ocean. The silence was blissful, there was only one other family and two young lovers out on the shore with them. Khalil looked at the smile spread on his wife's face from the corner of his eye which gave him contentment, he was happy she wore a smile, he was happy she wore a smile because of him.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your viewing" Khalil took a quick glance at his wristwatch "We should get going it will soon be magrib" He didn't like putting a stop to their little adventure if he had his way they both would sit there enjoying the tunes of the dancing waves often corrupted by the chirping of birds, inhaling the sweet scent of sand mixed with water as they watched the birds bathe and play in the water.

Hidaya stood up being followed by Khalil who picked up her veil which they had sat on from the ground and shook off the dust causing the wind to run through it, the veil flew into his face displacing all other scents. All he smelled was her and he loved it, he let the veil sit on his face for more than a few seconds, letting the scent dance on his nostrils, seducing him. Hidaya pulled off the veil and wrapped it around herself with him watching, he tried to get back into default mode which was difficult. Her scent had altered his function.

"I wish we didn't have to go" Hidaya gave him a pout, he thought was cute. She turned to face the water again appreciating the art in its natural form.

"We can always come back, Hidaya" He slipped his hand behind her, bringing her closer "Come on" They both walked in silence back across the bridge to where their car was parked, they both settled in.

"Hey-" Hidaya called in a low voice after a brief moment of silence, she was unsure if that was the right time to say what she had in mind but it was now or never "There's something I've been meaning to ask"

Khalil was about to buckle his seat belt, instead he let the strap go turning to face her "Sure, what is it?" Hidaya kept her eyes focused on her fidgeting fingers as she mentally told herself it was the right thing to do, they were a team and team members needed to work together.

"Is there a reason why you want a surrogate?" the words weren't music to Khalil's ears, in fact as soon as he heard them his heart skipped. He was hoping she would never ask since she didn't the first time he told her about his plan. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing as he opened his eyes to look at his wife again.

"Honestly, Hidaya I kinda hoped you would never ask. I told you my past..." He trailed off adjusting his seating position so he was facing forward "I'm going to come clean" he swallowed -hard- "I pray you don't leave me for this" Hidayas face was covered with worry and so was her mind, she saw the way his shoulders sunk, she could see that he was disappointed in himself.

Hidaya took a deep breath herself, she wasn't ready for what he was going to tell her and she knew it would either make or break them but she had to know. She would roll the dice.

Khalil's head hung low, deep down he wished he didn't have to tell her in person "I haven't always been a good person, Hidaya. No one knows this part of me, not even Mahmoud" he sighed "Ava is my ex girlfriend, there were many more before her and I used to hurt them...so much" he spoke while looking up, lost in his own memories with pain written all over his face, he could see it all. How his conquests would never return, how they would throw themselves at him and after getting a piece they would wish they didn't. "I used to drink" he closed his eyes letting a singe tear cascade down his cheek "party, gamble. I was a monster and I'm afraid I may still be" he held onto the steering wheel as he rested his forehead on it.

Hidaya looked at Khalil with admiration, she was proud of the man he had become. Only a few people would give up a life like that, being rich, that was heaven on earth.
"I've lost everything, my parents, Anwar. You're the only good thing left for me and its in the past, you are a good man. Okay?"