On your knees // Bandom

2. Could It Be Another Change

Gerard Way liked to say he was a basically a band kid without the talent. He was generally regarded as some sort of under-sung child art prodigy, and he could even write decently, but a guitar? Which end do you blow into again?

Yet he still hung out with the musically gifted, sat in on practices sketching concentrated faces. He loved the atmosphere, the music, the people. Most of his friends lived in a stave-centric world so he attempted to visit, and besides, band boys were cute.

The scene on Monday was not an unusual one, Mikey studying his bass studiously in one corner, Pete trying to make him smile and Gerard drawing them. Patrick was on the drums, talking to Ray about god knows what but it was probably very optimistic. Brendon was sitting on the piano, an illegal act that he blatantly ignored the rules on, he was holding a mic loosely and flirting with Ryan. Dallon wasn't there, had a detention for calling people gay, administration didn't believe it was a compliment.

"Who ya texting, Ry?"
"Why do you care?"
"I'm your boyfriend."
"Open relationship, babe"
"Still involves me knowing who you're hooking up with."
"Im texting that guy Frank from the other night, and I'm not planning on hooking up with him"
"Thank god, he's tiny, his dick is probably pencil-sized"
"Shut up, Bren"

Silencing his boyfriend, Ryan turned to the whole room and stood for a moment to command his friends attention,
"Hey, so, you know that kid Frank from the fall thing? He basically has no friends and either eats lunch alone or joins Jamias table of witch friends. So he can come up here for the foreseeable future?"
"Sure"
"Who's Frank?" Gerard asked.
"Your replacement for the fall party. I think he's the year below us?"
"Frank Iero?"
"How should I know?"
"Short, cute, lip piercing?"
"I think thats the one. Cute?"
"Yeah totally, he sits next to me in maths"
"Can it my my mission to set you two up?"
"Is he even gay?"
"Yeah could you not tell?"
Gerard just blushed and shrugged.

"Im dubbing it 'mission Frerard'"
"Pete that's amazing can I marry you?"
"I have a boyfriendddddddd"
"Shame"
"Oi!"

~

Frank Iero lacked a lot of things, he lacked height, patience, attraction to women, etc. He would even go as far to say he lacked musical talent, but that was simply untrue and him and his guitar fitted right in amongst Ryans #squad.

He didn't exactly arrive at the right time, Brendon was mid handstand and everyone's attention was fixed on him. Dallon had his arms outstretched to catch him if he fell but Ryan was on a table in a corner on his phone, the only person unconcerned with Brendons predicament.

Nobody noticed him as he leaned against a wall next to Mikeys bass.

It should be noted that the bass was bigger than him.

It hit him as he looked around, his eyes skimming over boys who looked remarkably different in electric light and landing on Gerard. Both Gerard and Mikey were laughing, and Frank kicked himself as he realised how alike they looked.

Looking up suddenly, sensing the feeling of being stared at, Gerards eyes made contact with his. Frank automatically dropped his gaze and tried to contain his blush.

Gerard hid his smirk. Mission Frerard was going to be easier than expected.

Frank found himself talking to Ray and Mikey, playing together with ease and relaxing under Rays smiles and Mikeys dry humour. His eyes kept flicking to Gerard though, as though he was playing a game to see how long he could stare before the other boy looked up. What he didn't realise was that the game was two-sided.

He was easy enough to ignore in Maths, when he was either concentrating on work or meant to be looking at him, but now Frank was participating in only some of the conversation and music, and Gerard was sitting on a widow-sill doodling a cartoon microphone and amp. 

Whenever Gerards eyes were focused on his graphite covered page, Franks were on him. Yet it was reversed when Franks eyes were only on his guitar. Gerard kept finding himself entranced as Frank made his own versions of the songs he loved.

They both jumped as the bell went, and as Frank put away his guitar neatly, Gerard leaned against the wall, watching him.

"Hey, Frankie?"
"Uh- Yeah." Frank decided right there and then that Gerard calling him 'Frankie' was going to be the death of him.

"We have maths next?"
"Yeah."
"Also, I heard you play 'Unlovable', you're good. Do you like The Smiths?"
"I love them" Franks whole face lit up as Gerard mentioned his favourite band.
"Well, I got two tickets for my birthday, and I was going to sell one of them them last minute, but do you wanna come?
"Are you sure? How much are they?"
"Yeah, and thats on me, won't cost me anything"
"I..."
"10th of October. You free?"
"Uhhh, I guess. I really don't wanna..."
Gerard cut him off "It's a date."

He didn't bother to redefine that.

~

Do I love him?
Does it matter?
If I do, should I make him happy?
If I don't want to, do I not love him?
Do I need to love him to do this?
Do I love him?
Does it matter?

He was meant to be in the moment but all he could think about was this never ending circle of doubts.

Pete Wentz was the definition of all talk. He could tell the world what he wanted to do, he could whisper to Mikey enough to make him blush, he could promise he was going to perform.

But when it came down to it, two boys one bed, an empty house with only the boy he was supposed to love inside it.

He was pathetic and couldn't do it.

They were making out, and Mikeys shirt was off when Pete pulled away.

"I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"For this. I can't do this."
"What? Why not? You've done it before. I know both of the people you've done it before with. Is it me? Do you not want to fuck me?"
"Theres....I...uh, I've done it with three people, or more like I've let it happen with three people. Its not you."
"What is it this time then?"
"Im really sorry, Mikey, im so sorry"
"Pete...... its okay just talk to me"
"Im not comfortable with this. With any of this. Im all goddamn talk and I even look away from sex scenes in films and I can't do this"
"Pete, hey, stop crying babe, its okay. Just talk"
"I....I love you Mikey, and I should want this, I should enjoy this, but I keep letting it happen and I can't do this"
"Is this a thing then? Like......whats that word, I've heard Gee use it but I can't remember"
"Asexual? I don't know. I don't really know what that is, I don't think I can label anything, Mikes, I definitely like guys and girls but I can't even come out as bisexual, because im not sexually attracted, I just....."
"Do you wanna go into the deep web, aka tumblr, and try and figure this out together."
"I guess"
"Okay, babe, just breath"
And he did, he finally exhaled.

The house was empty for the night, and so the two boys stayed up until almost dawn, drinking hot chocolate and trying to apologise.

Mikey needed to apologise, because he didn't really get it, because he felt like this was personal, because he wished the other boy would like him the same way, because he felt guilty for all of that. Because he didn't say 'I love you' in return.

Pete just didn't understand what he was, or what he wanted, and he saw each of Mikeys silent judgements and blamed himself, because he should want this, he should enjoy this, and he just didn't.

~

They'd left it at 'open relationship' - because Brendon was a fuckboy who thought he'd 'accidentally' cheat and Ryan couldn't deal with commitment.

There was something special between them, though, and Brendon liked sappy romance and Ryan made fun of anything to do with love, but they worked.

Ryan had started the relationship as a fuck and forget thing, he thought Brendon was pretty and liked the way the other boy would do things just to make him smile. Now there was something more, but neither boy would admit it and the original 'do what you want as long as you tell me' still stood.

Brendon was always horny, but genuine love, or whatever version of it he may have, was reserved for Ryan, for each time the other boy made him laugh, or feel safe, or just held him because the world was crumbling too fast. Reserved for the boy who cared far too much and hid it far too well.

An// sorry it took me so long to update. I finished my other fic and yeah. Vote/comment to make me smile 😊