On your knees // Bandom

37. crushcrushcrush

Mikey had thought that ending things with Pete would give him clarity, which it did. It also got him lost.

It was slowly dawning upon him that he had no real friends of his own. Nobody that wasn't just a mutual friend of everyone.

He used to have Pete and Gee, but your brother and your ex-boyfriend aren't really friends in their own right.

He put his headphones in and turned up the volume until it hurt. He tried to get lost in someone else's troubles. What petty squabbles they all had, what love and pain were oh so important.

His phone buzzed.

Bren: yo anyone wanna double-xmas-date?

He and Pete would have in a heartbeat.

Frank: absolutely. Where?

Mikey remembered the times he and Pete and Frerard and Ryden had all spent afternoons falling in love together.

Bren: coffee at that cute place??
Frank: 'that cute place'
Ryan: Kiyoko Koffee
Pete: dude u 4got ur own bf a coupla months ago how do u remember a coffee place?
Ryan: we went recently lmao

Mikey turned his wifi off. So the messages would stop. So he could have a chance to not be constantly reminded.

~

On boxing day, Ryan Seaman opened his front door to a certain Awsten Knight, his hair newly died red. Firetruck red.

"Hi," Awsten said, swaying from foot to foot, nervous.
"Hey," Ryan responded. Trying to take his eyes off the red.
"You like the hair?" Awsten asked. Risky question, all considered.
"Lilac was cuter..."
"-you think I'm cute?"
"-Red's hot, though."
"You think I'm hot?!"
Ryan shrugged, and stepped away from his door, gesturing for Awsten to come in.

"Is it weird that I'm here on boxing day, and I've never even met your dad?"
"Well," Ryan bit his lip. "You're about to." He considered warning Awsten, but then again he shouldn't have to.

Ryans father wheeled his chair into the hall. "Ry, is your friend here?"
"Hi," Awsten wiped a hand on his jeans and reached out for his hand. "Im Awsten."
Ryans father took the outstretched hand and shook it. "You can call me Eric."
"Oh, okay," Awsten smiled again.

Ryan led the way to his room.
"Thats why you didn't want me to meet him, right? You thought I'd be weird."
"No, I knew you wouldn't. He just works late often, and..."
"But you've 'known' before. And been wrong."
Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

Awsten sat down on his window-ledge. "Okay, but can we circle back to you calling me hot?"
"I think I called the colour hot, not you."
Awsten rolled his eyes, and fixed him with a look of annoyance.

Ryan looked right back at him, unblinking, turning it into a contest. After a moment, Awsten blinked and lost and Ryan grinned in satisfaction.

"I think I'm going to be hurt either way," Ryan said.
"Huh?"
"With you. I don't wanna get hurt, but I'm going to. Whether or not I like it."
"Depends how much you care."
"Shit, AK, you know I care."
"Do I? Maybe you should tell me?" He teased.
"You know more about me than anyone else. More than anyone has or ever will, probably. You're who I turn to for everything. I can't lose you, I can't deal with that."
"So you're not flying in case you fall?"
"Basically."
"But you do like me?"
"Yeah,"

Ryan was silent, thinking, turning it over and over in his mind looking for a solution. If this were a book what would he do?

"Just tell me what you're thinking," Awsten said, again.
"Okay, come here."
Awsten obeyed and sat next to him on his bed.