On your knees // Bandom

22. Caught In The Middle

Dallons mum knew Ryan by now, knew him well enough that when he appeared at her door she let him in, telling him that Dallon was upstairs.

Dallon himself was on his bed, curled up with his knees tucked into his chest, and his face tucked Into his knees.
"Whats wrong." Ryan comes to sit next to him.
"No." Dallon shook his head. "You're not meant to ask that."
"Im your boyfriend. I'm exactly meant to ask that."
"No, you're not. Because you don't want the answer."
"What do you mean?"
"You just want to hear that you make it better, but you don't."
"I just want to help, please just talk to me, Dall."
"What if it's about my boyfriend?"
"Then he should know about it."
"What If someone kissed me?"
"Did they?"
"Brendon was high,". He spilled back the lie Ray had told him. "He didn't mean to, but Ryan, other Ryan, saw."
"And?"
"And now nobodys seen them. And it's my fault."
"It's not your fault."
"You don't know that."
"He kissed you, thats not your fault. You don't even know that somethings wrong."
"You don't understand."
"Try and explain." Ryan was persistent, but then Dallons phone rang.
"Its Brendon." Ryan nodded.

"Dall?"
"Im here."
"I just... this is your fault, all of it, but I need to talk and you're- you're the only person I actually want to talk to."
"What is my fault? What happened?"
"Ryans in hospital."
"Shit."
"He got ran over, because we fought..."
"...Because of me."
"Yeah, exactly, But I need... someone to cry on."
"Is Ryan ok?"
"He's fine, but he doesn't know me. He hit his head and he doesn't fucking recognise me and I..."
"And you want to cry on me?"
"Yeah, I don't want it to be you, but I is always you."
"Ryans here, other Ryan."
"Kick him out."
"I.."
"Please, Dall, you know what this could do."
"You've kissed other people."
"Its different with you."
"Why? Are you still..."
"I was never in love with you. But you love me and Ryan can tell, and you knew that when you kissed me."
"I don't still love you."
"Bullshit."
And then the doorbell rang.
"But I'm outside your door."

"You need to leave." Dallon tells his boyfriend.
"No. Im not leaving. You need to be okay for me to leave."
"Brendons here."
"So? Hes the one who blames you."
"Ry... please."
"Dallon I cant do this."
Brendon walked into the room, and Dallon, for the first time, untucked his knees. Ryan saw that, saw the way he seemed to relax, and nodded. He wasn't needed here.

So Ryan left, and Brendon curled up beside Dallon on the bed, tucking his head into the others boys neck.
"Hey," Dallon said softly. "You are Brendon fucking Urie and you are Ryan Ross's boyfriend."
"Why'd you do it?"
"I don't know. I had a plan but... this isn't how it ended. I'm sorry."
"You had a plan? You wanted us to break up."
"Yeah, I did."
"Because you liked me?"
"Because I thought you loved me."
"I don't, Dall, and I've told you I don't."
"I know. Im sorry." Dallon put his arms around him, and pulled him in. "I'm so sorry."

~

Gee was round at Patricks again, and they were meant to be watching a movie, but were mostly just talking, and honestly Gee didn't even know what they were meant to be watching.

Then Frank texted.
F: come over?
F: mums not home
F: not like that. Its scary
G: sorry babe im at patricks
F: please?
G: ask jamia
F: she'll laugh at me
G: sucks to be you xx

"Who was that?" Patrick asked.
"Frank. He's home alone."
"Oh. Ok. You go."
"What? No I'm with you."
"Yeah but you know what home alone means."
"Patrick. I'm here with you, and unless someone dies this is where im staying."
"You don't have to."
"Yeah, I do. I spend loads of time with Frank."
"Okay." Patrick looked round the room, searching for something to change the subject to. "Are you wearing lipstick again?"
"Lipgloss. Totally different."
"Sorry" he replied sarcastically.
"Patrick." Gee's tone changed to serious "I think I want to tell you something."
"Go ahead."
"I'm... uh, I don't think I'm a guy." Gee was aware of everything in that moment. Their hands touching in their lap, Patricks slowly opening mouth, their breath warm on their lips.
"So you're a girl?"
"No."
"Neither? Both?"
"I don't know, I don't know anything."
"Gerard..."
"Gee."
"Gee, I... I think I might want to tell you something, too."
"Yeah?"
"I think I.. I might like you."
"Really?" Gee smiled.
Patrick shrugged. "I thought I was straight but... I don't know. I keep googling 'how do you know if you like someone' but I think if you're searching that, then you definitely like them."
"Probably."
"And I know Frerard isn't going to change or anything, but I still wanted to tell you."
"Its always nice to know someones into you."
"Also the gender thing... seeing you at the Halloween party helped."
Gee laughed. "Maybe I should start wearing that shit to school."
"You totally should."
"Might get beat up."
"Frank can fight."
Gee rolled their eyes.

~

Ryan returned to school on the Tuesday. After everything, he only missed a week. Brendon came back the Monday before, so he could explain the situation.

He walked Ryan to school, and Ryan was warming to this strange boy he inexplicably loved, so he appreciated it.

They saw Gabe, of all people, first.
"Hey," he approached Brendon, hands interlinked nervously.
"Its Gabe." Ryan nodded.
"I'm sorry about, y'know."
"I've told him everything."
"He doesn't understand what it meant, though."
"Can you stop talking about me as though I'm not here." Ryan cut in. "I understand enough."
"You didn't even remember your boyfriends name."
"Gabe shut the fuck up."
"Or what? You'll make me?"
Brendon wanted to take a step forward, his posture straight, so that Gabes height seemed irrelevant, and tell him he didn't want to find out. But there was Ryan to consider, and this wasn't a first impression, but it wasn't far off.
"Please."
"Spare me your begging, pretty-boy."
"You think I'm pretty?"
"I think you're all looks and nothing to back them up."
"So what was Saturday? Nothing?"
"Bren.." Ryan touched his arm, and he was reminded of who this was about, who this had always been about.
"I don't need you." Brendon told Gabe, his tone steely, and let Ryan pull him away. Let the feeling of Ryans hand over his return to natural. Equilibrium.

They saw him again at play practice. Ryan had, of course, forgotten his lines, but it was okay because they still had their scripts, and this was only the what? Third practice? Even the author doesn't remember.

"Are you sure you can learn your lines?" Gee stopped to scene to check on Ryan, who was stumbling through his script.
"Yeah, yeah. I don't have homework, so its a nice thing to do to keep me occupied."
"Teachers figure since you don't know who are are as a person you don't know maths?"
Ray sent them a 'too far' look but Ryan laughed.
"Yeah, basically. But I can actually remember school stuff, it sucks. I don't know your name but if you want algebra questions answered, I'm your man."
"You mean that literally? Because I have a ton of algebra to do... Also, I'm Gee."
Ryan looked confused. "Gee?"
"Gerard." Brendon murmured from offstage.
"Gee." Gee insisted, because this was almost, almost, a chance to start over. Ryan nodded. "Franks boyfriend?"
"The most defining factor." Frank contributed from hall.
"Guys..." The drama teacher had been happy to let Ryan re-evaluate his life, but he had spent enough time with the cast to know he should stop Frank and Gee's relationship conversations straight away. Or rather, gay away.

Gee held eye contact with Frank for a moment longer, then got to one knee in front of Ryan.
"Good father, I beseech you on my knees" They clasped their hands in some form of prayer, and let the fake pain show through their face. "Hear me with patience but to speak a word."

Frank turned back to his conversation with Ryan.
"Brendon said that the reason Ryan actually left my house, was that there was an argument between them, and somehow it was Dallons fault. Have you two talked about this or am I overstepping."
"Its fine." Ryan sighed, brushing his hair behind one ear as he formulated a response. "They kissed."
"Ryden?"
"Bren and Dall."
"Damn. Im new to this but didn't they used to hook up loads, before like... you. And the monogamous shit."
"Yeah, and I think Dallon still likes him."
"That sucks,"
"I don't actually know what to do. I think he's trying for me, and I really like him. But this can't happen again."
"If he kisses someone else..."
"He claims Brendon kissed him."
"Why would he? I don't wanna cause problems but I think he's lying to you."
"I do too."
"If you two break up I'll have your back, and if you don't wanna do that, and sort it out maturely, then I will also totally support you."
"Thank you. Thank you so much, seriously, Frank. You're the best person I know."
"First of all thats ridiculous."
"You want to come over after school? Help me sort stuff out?"
"You're not gonna do it in person?"
"Hells no. Didn't we just say in English the other day that direct speech build tension?"
Frank laughed. "Meet at the bottom of the hill after school."
"Sounds great."

An // surprisingly. I am actually alive.