On your knees // Bandom

56. She

"Hey," Hayley approached Jamia.
Jamia smiled at her, "'sup.'
Hayley sat down next to her and crossed her legs, suddenly suspicious of Gabe and Ashley.

She opened her mouth, but Jamia didn't notice.
"Have you done the history homework?" She asked, throwing Hayley off.
"I- uh, yeah, do you want to copy?"
"Please, I was gonna ask Frank, but he disappeared."
"Sure." She pulled her book out and gave it to her, "And, I was wondering, do you," She tore at the skin on her lip. "wanna go out sometime?"

Jamia froze for a moment, but, no, it wasn't a date? Right? They were friends and it wasn't weird at all. She didn't even like Hayley. Or maybe she did, maybe that was why she didn't know how to answer this.

She took a deep breath, "Of course."
Hayley grinned, "For real? Cool. When are you free?"
"This weekend?" She started coping down the homework.
"Saturday?"
"Sounds good. You wanna get food, or...?"
"Lunch? Kiyokos?"
Jamia nodded, and finished her work with a dot. She passed the book back and stood up. "See you then,"

Hayley: bitch I did it.
Ashley: fr?
Hayley: date on sat. honestly im so happy
Ashley: told you she liked you babe
Hayley: fuck yeah
Hayley: im hyped
Ashley: xx good luck

Jamia: frank? help
Frank: whats wrong?
Jamia: i think I like Hayley
Frank: yesss
Frank: Lindsey Ballato can fuck off
Jamia: yeah but now I have to hang out with her
Jamia: like we're getting lunch on saturday and im scared
Frank: don't be
Frank: you should just tell her
Jamia: but after lindsey and everything, she feels like one of my only friends (no offence) and I don't wanna lose that
Frank: i get that, but don't just wait until it gets difficult
Jamia: I don't even like like her. Its just kinda, so maybe when it gets to being serious, ill talk to her
Frank: you better
Jamia: alright says you
Jamia: when did you tell Gee? hmm?
Frank: actually i told him I was in love with him after our first kiss thanks very much
Jamia: ...

~

Brendon lay on Ryans bed and watched him pack. They still had a few days of school left but he was leaving tomorrow to spend a week and a half at his moms house.

"I'm gonna miss you."He told him.
"Good."
"I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Valentines."
"I'll face-time you."
Brendon pouted, "It's not the same."
"Also I have like three of your shirts."
He waved his hand, "Keep 'em. You can remember me by them when you abandon me."
"Bren, I haven't seen her since I met you."
"Thats a weird way of putting it."
"But technically true — for me. Anyway I know we're not close and I don't see her often, but she's still my mom."
"Sorry."
"It's their fault, not yours."
"I know."
"And its for less than two weeks."
"But its in the holidays, I'll be so lonely!."
"Babe, you have more than enough people to replace me."
"Replace you? No. Never. Just distract me from your loss."

The front door clicked open, "shit," Ryan muttered.
"He doesn't know I'm here?"
"Does he ever?"
"He likes me though, right?" Brendon checked.
"Yeah, but, not us."
"What about your mom?"
"Fuck knows, Arden might have talked to her."
"It'll be ok."
"Maybe, either way, dad's home, so you shouldn't be."
"Just some platonic packing?" Brendon suggested.
Ryan laughed, "Friendly filling?"
"Non-sexual stuffing?"
"I'm gonna miss you so much."
"Of course you are."
"Shut up, come sit on this suitcase."

Brendon got up and cracked his knuckles, Ryan pulled a face.
"How many jumpers are in this?"
"Her house is freezing. You should come, sometime."
"I'd have to stay over, though, and it depends what she says, right?"
"Yeah, I'll message you when I've talked to her."

Ryan zipped it up and then leaned down and kissed Brendons forehead. "Thank you."
"No problem. I might just stay sat here so you can't leave."
"Forever?"
"Forever."

~

Hayley tapped her nails along her coffee mug. She'd painted them especially for the occasion: orange and gold. Jamia had texted that she'd be ten minutes late, ten minutes ago.

She watched the door. Her mocha was half full, the whipped cream dissolving into the coffee. She took another sip. Distracting herself, she opened her phone, looked through instagram. Found herself on Jamias contact again.

What if she'd bailed? Decided she didn't really like Hayley, and a date was an awful idea. So she'd got off the bus and gone home. In Hayleys mind, it was entirely possible.

12 minutes had passed since the message when the door dinged, and there she was.
"Sorry." Jamia sat down next to her and unwrapped her scarf. A goddamn scarf.
"Its fine." It was, now, all the relief was making her a little ecstatic.
"No, its not. The bus was stuck in traffic."
"Its fine." She repeated. "Although the waiter has approached me twice, acting like I've been stood up."
Jamia laughed. "I would never."

It wouldn't be standing up, anyway, because it wasn't a date. She was just kidding, and Jamia was fake laughing, because what if? What if it were a date?

Hayley smiled at her over the top of the menu, and she dropped eye contact. It was too much, to stare. However much she wanted to, wanted to know the details in her eyes, she wasn't allowed to. Hayley looked down and she sneaked another look, watched her eyebrows furrow as she concentrated.

"I like your nails." She said.
"Oh?" Hayley grinned at her, "They might be a bit too halloweeney for February, but..."
"They're cute."

Cute. Was cute a step too far? It wouldn't be for anyone else. Neither would be sleeping in the same bed. Everything she did she overthought.

"Do you wanna share something?" Hayley asked.

Something. Something shared — a memory and a romance and an afternoon.

"Like what?"
"Nachos?"
"Sure. With salsa?"
"Obviously. I'm not an animal."
"So glad we're on the same page."

Jamia was unaware of how ironic that was. How funny it would be, to comment on them both being in sync, when she still thought nothing of this, and Hayley was falling, falling hard.

There was always the test: imagine kissing them and see how you feel. Jamia didn't buy it, to be honest, but she watched Hayley drinking from her mug. She imagined how she would taste. How her hands would feel pulling her close, closer, closest.

All too fast, she didn't want to stop picturing it. Feeling the ghosts of her hands on her. Shit. Maybe she did want that. Lindsey and Frank floated away, dissipated into the warm air that smelled like coffee and bread. Hayley was in front of her, and real, and so fucking far away.

~

"Ryan!" His dad called up the stairs. "She'll be here in half an hour!"
"Okay!" He shouted back.

Brendon grinned up at him, "You wanna know how much I can do in half an hour."
"I know full well."
"Not well enough."
"My dad doesn't even know you're hear."
Brendon reached out for his hand. "I'll be quiet."
"Shut up." He laughed, and stepped closer.
"I'm not gonna get to kiss you for two weeks!"
"One and a half."
"Too long."

Brendon pulled him even closer, tilting his face up, pleading. Ryan kissed him.
"Love you," He mumbled, against his lips.
Ryan fell onto his knees to be at Brendons level.

"Ryan!" His dad called up. "Bring your bag down!"
Ryan pulled away, "Coming!"
"What are you doing?"
"One sec, dad!" Then, to Brendon, "Sorry, baby."
"Call me baby again, and I might consider forgiving you."
"Stop. You're embarrassing yourself."
"Mmm, c'mere."
"Less than two weeks." Ryan reminded him.
"More than one."

He pulled Brendon up by his wrists. Brendon groaned. Ryan picked up his suitcase. "You're going out the window, yeah?"
"Yeah. Bye."
"Bye."

Ryan kissed him again, softly. In either of their defence, this was the longest they'd be apart since Ryan lost his memory. They held on a little longer than necessary.

Ryan and his suitcase left, and Brendon stayed in his room, on his bed, until he was sure both him and his father were both out of earshot.