On your knees // Bandom

26. Sad song

Gee had snuck out into the dark, because Frank had been unable to sleep, and now they were returning home in the frosty early hours of late November.

They were not expecting to see Mikey curled angrily into one side of the sofa, playing some war game Gee highly disapproved of with the volume down.

"Mikes?" He asked, his voice low.
"Oh. You're back."
"I went to Franks for a bit."
Mikey nodded. "Do you think Frerard will stay together for life?"
"I..." Gee didn't know how to respond, but that was okay because they knew what Mikey was asking. "I don't think you and Pete will."
"Why not?" His avatar killed someone, pulling the trigger with no emotion and not reacting to the red splatter.
"Because you're sixteen and you're not sure, either?" Gee joined him on the sofa.
"We can't make it through?"
"I'm not saying you can't make it through this, whatever this is, I'm just saying you're not permanent."
"I love him. Like, seriously."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's important, but the most important thing is enjoying it. If you like him and like spending time with him then its good, if you're dreading seeing him then thats not so good."
"I do want to see him, but theres stuff. And he thinks he knows what the stuff is, and he thinks its his fault. But its not exactly that stuff."
Gee took a moment to process all that,
"You wanna talk about the stuff?"
"Who's stuff?"
"Anything. I'm just here if you need me."
Mikey pauses for a moment, then blurts out "Petes ace."
"Like asexual?"
"Yeah."
"Is that his stuff or your stuff."
"His stuff. He thinks thats why I'm- he blames himself and he thinks he's the problem."
"So what is the problem?"
"I guess its the same thing, but like, I don't care, not like- I still love him, or whatever, but he's changed. He's scared of what I think and thats affecting what I think."
"Maybe you should talk to him?"
"I'm just not sure he feels the same way anymore."
"Then you should definitely talk to him."

Mikey's doesn't respond, just twists the controller and kills someone else, then someone else, and then yet another nameless person. Theres no answer. Ten deaths later Gee gets up and goes to bed. If Mikeys coping mechanisms are violent video games at three in the morning then so be it. They're not sticking around for the massacre.

Mikey wanted to be in that world, where living or dying was far more important than relationships, and gay people didn't really exist anyway.

He didn't want to be here or take Gee's advice and talk to Pete, it was solid advice, and he knew it, but he didn't want to do it. He wanted to love spending time with him, he did love spending time with him, but then again.

There was always that then again.

The concept of permanence wasn't even a question to Gee's emo side. They told themselves that all life was temporary and they were insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Then there was their other half who was a romantic who wanted that illusion of forever. They wanted someone that loved them despite everything and kept them close till the end of time, even though they would likely not be alive for that. 'To death do us part'

They didn't know if that was Frank. They'd love it to be Frank, that'd be nice, to not have to go through proper heartbreak, to spend his life in the company of Halloween Boy. It was unlikely, but not impossible. It was the dream.

~

Taylor was coming home for thanksgiving
today, and the whole of the Weekes household was busy in preparation. She had got leave from her ballet school for a whole week, while her other siblings only got a long weekend.

Layla was cleaning her room, putting bedding down, dusting out the carpet.
Elle was cooking her favourite food, as well as the turkey.
Dallon was trying to remain impartial, because he missed her so much that one crack in his facade of indifference would break him. He'd sneak into her room tonight and tell her everything.

There were so many different versions on Dallon. There was the jealous Dallon who'd broken off his friendship with Ryan R because of Brendons choices. There was the lonely, broken, Dallon that felt like everyone he'd ever loved truly hated him, and acted out in revenge. There was the manipulator that hurt Ryan S. Most importantly: there was the version of Dallon that only appeared when with Taylor, because he was only half a person without her, and hurt others to make himself feel whole. It didn't work.

She was early, and Elle spotted her first.
"Taylor!"
She ran across the kitchen towards her and Layla turned off the stove so the house wouldn't burn down.
Taylor hugged Elle.
"Ellie." She whispered, and Dallons heart thudded in his chest.
Elle broke away and Taylor hugged Layla, kissing the top of her head.
"I've missed you both so much."
"We've missed you too."

They split from each other and Dallon made eye contact.
"Sup?"
"Sup." She nodded.
Then he crossed the hall in one step and hugged her with everything he had.
"Don't ever fucking leave again." He murmured.
"Did you miss me?" She mimicked Moriarty's Irish accent.
"More than you can imagine."
"Oh, I can imagine."

Dallons dad interrupted them, and Taylor hugged him too.
"Hey, dad. Miss me?"
"Its nice to have you home for a few days." He admitted, holding her softer than he'd ever even looked at Dallon.
"Whens mom home?"
"In an hour or so, you're early."
"Thought I'd surprise you."
"You always do, sweetheart. Hungry?"
"Absolutely. Has Elle cooked?"
"Yeah, so be nice."

Dallon followed them into the kitchen.
"I was wondering," she helped herself to crisps. "Can I go with Dally to school tomorrow?"
Dally
"Why?" His dad asked.
"I wanna meet his friends."
"I mean..." his dad would never refuse her anything, would he? "Sure. If you want to."
"I'd love to." She grinned.

She crept into his room that night, and he was already awake and waiting for her.
"So?" She asked, sliding into the covers on the other side, top and tail like they used to as kids.
"So what?"
"Whats going on?"
"You wanna know everything?"
"Everything." She emphasised.

So he told her everything. About Ryden and Ryan S and the amnesia and how lonely he was. It was nice to say aloud.

"I'm still coming in tomorrow."
"You sure?"
"Hella. I wanna meet these people, however they feel about you."
"Okay."
"Okay! Be excited!"
"Shh, people are sleeping."
"Fuck them."

~

There had been a double date, of sorts, where Frerard and Ryden got dinner and wound up in a dark park. Frank on one swing and Gee on the other, and Brendon and Ryan standing on one side, trying to feel normal. Gee and Frank were lost in meaningless conversation.

"Hey, Ryan?" Brendon asked, hesitantly.
"Yeah?"
"I just want to say, that if you want me to back off, I'll back off. I've been trying to help because I love you, but I get that I'm just another guy to you, so if you want some space or whatever... I understand."
"Thats not fair to you."
Brendon shrugged. "You need to be ok."
"I am ok. More or less."
"Mostly less."
"Okay. Here's the thing. I need to explain how I feel about you."
"You don't have too..."
"I do. I want to."
Brendon nodded.
"So theres part of me that loves you, and doesn't know why. I don't remember what we had but theres always that feeling there. Thats never gonna leave. Then theres another part, that likes you. Like, like likes you. But you're in love with me, and I can't reciprocate. I know that doesn't make sense but- "
"It does make sense. Half of you loves me but doesn't like me. Half of you likes me but doesn't love me. All of me loves you. I get it."
"You do?"
"Yeah, so whatever you wanna do, I'm good with it."
"I want to kiss you," Ryan says, quietly.
"Really?"
"Really."

Brendon takes a step forward and cups his face in his hands, and Ryan follows through and kisses him.
"I've missed you," Brendon murmurs against his lips.
"Im sorry."

An // sorry this took my ages but on the plus side I have a gf now :)