On your knees // Bandom

53. Allie

Brendon was Dallons first kiss. But he was more than that: he was his first kiss over and over and over again.

He was his first kiss in middle school when they just wanted to play house. When he'd just started to realise he wasn't straight. It was the innocence of lips pressed together — no more than that. They called it a kiss, but it wasn't really.

He was his first kiss when they started drinking, sneaking cider into parties. When they were both lightweights and lost themselves in nothing. That was more of a kiss, that went further, but it still didn't mean anything in the morning light. It was like a promise of a future that never happened.

He was his first kiss for a dare, first 'seven minutes in heaven'. They were cute together and people knew it, they used it.
Brendon had kissed him without knowing how he felt, with all the passion of someone who didn't think of the consequences.

He was his first kiss that truly meant something. A lazy summer afternoon spent together, and then an admittance under the stars. Brendon leading, Dallon following.

He was his first kiss that had turned into more than that, even while he was dating Ryan, he was the first person Dallon had trusted unconditionally; with heart and body. He was the first, and the only.

So he claimed he never loved him? So he wanted to erase all of that? How could he.? He could dismiss the sex, say it was over, but how could he pretend it never meant anything at all?

Or perhaps it was the opposite. Maybe he had to disregard everything, because the smallest crack could have him falling down again. Dallon must still mean something, right? So why cover it all up, unless he had something to hide?

~

Gee ran across the school hall, which was definitely not allowed, and hugged their brother.
"Hi?" Mikey said, muffled.
"I just want to say I miss you."
"Alright."
"Honestly I thought I hated living with you, until I wasn't, and now I miss you. How are you?"
"Did you like, down a packet of sugar or something? You're even more hyper than normal, and that says a lot."
"I didn't sleep much last night so I've crossed the threshold from tired to hyper. Frank finds it hilarious."
"Of course he does." Mikey untangled himself. "Guess how Pete got to school this-morning."
"Sounds a little like stalking."
"-Gabe Saporta drove him in."
"No way. Like, Gabe?"
"Yes like Gabe. Fuck, he must have slept over."
"Didn't you say that he..."
"Yes!"
"Look, Mikes, whatever happened. Its not your business anymore, right?"
"I'm gonna go talk to him."
"Isn't he with Gabe now? Why would you put yourself in that situation? That is such a bad idea."
"Almost as bad as sleeping with the person who cheated on you after claiming you were asexual?"
"Sexuality changes, Mikes."
"So it was me? All along?"
"Just, be careful."
"I'm not going on an adventure, Gee." He snapped.

Pete was to be found flirting with Gabe backstage, despite having spent the last 48 hours with him. They'd clicked again, for worse or for better.

"Hey," Mikey approached him.
"What do you want." His smile dropped immediately.
"Just that, like, we said we'd stay friends, and we haven't."

They were both aware of the power imbalance here, Pete sitting down, having moved on, and Mikey initiating and asking for friendship.

"Just... out of the blue?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Nothing to do with me sleeping at Gabes?"
"You did?"
"Yeah." Gabe confirmed.
"Whatever, Pete, I dont care. I just didn't want to leave us like this."
"Like what?"
"You trying to make me jealous."

Mikey thought he'd figured it out, thought he'd seen right through Petes games and he was still wanted, still needed. He thought he had the control here.

Pete was amused, or, at least, he sounded it. "You think this is to make you jealous? Really?" He laughed. "I'm with Gabe for one reason, Mikes, because I want to be. I like him, I like being with him. Its no deeper than that, and it's definitely not about you."
Mikey was shaken. Be careful, Gee had said, and he hadn't listened.
"Sure." He said, but cocky was a facade fading fast, and he walked away with the image of Gabe staring up at Pete in his mind. He knew without looking back that they'd kissed in his wake.

"I thought you were with me because I was your backup — screw that — I didn't even think you were with me?" Gabe confronted him.
"Yeah, well, wanted Mikey to know It wasn't about him."
"So you played with my feelings?"
"I-"
"I don't actually care. I should, but I don't. I like you too much."
"Sorry." Pete kissed his cheek.
"I'd like you to mean it, though, next time."
"I did mean it."
"Right." Gabe looked away.
"C'mon, Gabey, I wouldn't go this far for just an option C. I do like being with you."
"You haven't even said we are together."
"Do you want to be?"
"Me and you don't work. We've got that."
"Don't we?"
"Test run, right? Five more days? And then..."

And then will it collapse again? Does he even want it to? Does he need to return? He was backup, second chance, last choice. Stuck helpless because he couldn't resist Pete, even if that sentiment wasn't at all returned.

"Yeah." Gabe swallowed. "And then,"

"Alright." Mr Ellengol clapped to get everyones attention. "We're going to do a full run, but Romeo and Juliet? I know you don't want to, but this time we're going to do the kisses as well. Sorry. Its a bit awkward for me to be instructing high school boys to kiss, but at least stage it, because you talk about it enough."
"Not a boy." Gee muttered under their breath.
"From Romeos entrance." He instructed.

The cast assembled. Turned themselves from high-schoolers to a court of the highest order.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss." Dallon tried to keep in the role. He was reasonably comfortable dating Gee by now.
"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."
"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"
"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."
"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."
"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."
"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged."
"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

He leaned down and kissed them, properly, with all the passion of his character — of their five minute since they met. Love at first sight. He kissed as though it meant the world

They kissed back, breathlessly. In a way Dallon hadn't really ever been kissed.
"Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again." The emotions were almost genuine.

They kissed again, joined together briefly, in their little bubble. The romance of a stage love that they knew the ending of already.
"You kiss by the book"

This time, perhaps, it would be one they wanted to read.