On your knees // Bandom

21. Almost Forgot

An// yes I think im funny

"Brendon?"
"Im sleeping,"
"Its a Tuesday."
"Fuck." Brendon opened his eyes and met Gabes gaze. He must have fallen asleep.
"School?" He offered.
"Do I have too?"
"No, but we have play practice, right?"
"Great. Everyone can see me do the walk of shame."
"Were you even in yesterday?"
"No."
"So not technically walk of shame?"
"Shut up. Do you have toast?"
"Yeah. If you get up."
Brendon rolled his eyes and checked his phone. He had missed calls from his parents again, but they probably understood because.... Ryan. Fuck. Ryan. Nobody knew and Brendon had just slept with someone else and... fuck. Thats all he had to say, there were no other words that could hold all of that. His head hurt.

Gabe came back in.
"So... what happened with you and Ryan?"
"Uhh," It was too early for this. "It's too early for this."
"Okay, okay. Toasts downstairs, I'm having a shower."
"Mmmkay." Brendon fell back against the pillow, he wanted to close his eyes, call for five more minutes, but the dark just sent flashbacks, the blank look in Ryans eyes, his immediate defence of rebound.

He didn't go to school, he went to see his boyfriend, if they could still be called that. On the way he picked up flowers and a record, because Ryan might appreciate it, and because he felt so goddamn guilty.

"Hey," Ryan was alone when he walked in, and Brendon knew this because Arden had texted that they went home to shower and eat.
"Hi." Ryan replied cautiously "Sorry about yesterday."
"Its... Whatever. I'm Brendon."
"Brendon."
"I was your boyfriend."
"How 'was'?"
"Until yesterday, I guess."
"Wait, do my parents know I'm gay."
"Again, as of yesterday they do."
"Right. And im sorry."
"Its not your fault."
"It is."
"Its not, I, I cheated."
"What?"
"Last night. I panicked and got high and hooked up with some guy from school."
"Well... I can't be mad because I don't really know you, and I'm sorry for saying that but its true. And its far worse to forget your boyfriend than to have some form of rebound after.... that."
Then Brendon was crying, and Ryan didn't know what to do so he just slipped his hand into his.
"Okay, I'm-I'm sorry for crying, do you want to just... get to know me, then?"
Ryan raised an eyebrow, which was difficult in a head bandage.
"Not like that! Just... I'm Brendon. I go to your school, it's nice to meet you."
Ryan grinned. "It's nice to meet you too,"
"Yeah, and I love the record."
"What a lucky guess,"
"Totally."
Ryan smiled. "Not sure im one hundred percent a flower person, though."
"Yeah I panicked."
"Do they mean anything?"
"White lilies? No. Daisy's do but I couldn't exactly get a bouquet."
"Daisy's?"
"Daisy chains. I used to make them for you, and you complained, but I didn't buy it."
"You made me daisy chains?" Ryan tried not to laugh.
"I really liked you."
"Im so-"
"Stop apologising. Its not your fault."
"I got ran over.."
"Because we fought and you got upset so I forced you to leave the house alone in the dark, and then cheated? This is all on me."
"My mom blames you."
"I blame me."
"Please don't."
"I ruined us. Over and over again."
"What happened to getting to know each other?"
"I already know you."
"I don't."
"Can I help with that?"
"I have my phone, can you like... talk me through my contacts?"
"Totally."

~

Gee was round at Franks again, and they were curled up on Franks bed watching Netflix.
"So..."
"Hmm?" Frank replied.
"You're eighteen now..."
"Yeah?"
"And you've taken your lip piercing out..."
Frank was smiling now "Yeah?"
"So? Is it an invitation?
Frank blushed. "Do you want it to be?"
Gee bit their lip. "Actually, we need to talk."
"Oh."
"I'm... I don't think I'm a boy."
"You're trans?"
"I'm don't think I'm a girl either, I don't really know."
"Well, at least you're not breaking up with me."
"Theres that."
"And honestly? Yeah I took out the lip ring for you, but I don't know if I'm fully committed."
"Me neither."
"You say that love and in love are different things, but I disagree. And so I am in love with you, whatever you identify as, whatever you want to do."
"Really?"
"Really."
Then Gee kisses him, and Frank just smiled into the kiss, because here they were, his stupid love proclamations accepted.
"You want to do this?"
And Gee could feel the love in his kiss, his smile, the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice.
"Please."

Afterwards, Frank had gone to the bathroom, and came back in, still wearing barely anything.
"So? Gee not Gerard?"
"Yeah,"
"Pronouns?"
"Done some light googling there?"
"No, I have a tumblr, babe."
"I don't know. I'd like to try they/them though, just between us. And Jamia."
"Jamia?"
"She found out at your party."
"Oh, okay, whatever. And you still wanna be my boyfriend?"
"Of course? I just had sex with you?"
"I meant the label, idiot."
"Oh, yeah, I still want to be your boyfriend."
"You're not sure if you want your dick but you sure as hell want mine?"
"I don't not want my dick. You don't need dysphoria to not be binary."
"Yeah, I know, im sorry. Just a joke."
"It's okay, I love you, Frankie."
"Really?"
"Really."

~

"Should I look though our messages, then?"
"Maybe later?"
"Why not start with it?"
"Im a hopeless romantic."
"Cute."
"And I've also definitely sent dick pics and you don't know me well enough for that."
It hurt Brendon so much to say that, but it was true.
Ryan nodded. "Frank?"
"Hes great. You introduced him a month or so ago and now hes dating our other friend Gerard."
"Our most recent texts:
Me: me and Bren will be a bit late sorry
Frank: 😏😏
Me: shut up we're not fucking
Me: not yet...
Wait. We fucked?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Plural?"
Brendon shuffled in his seat "Yeah."
"I can't believe I don't remember this."
"Me neither."
"Right. Anyway, Lewis?"
"Lewis?"
"Next contact."
"I don't know a Lewis?"
"Uhhh, he texted u ok m8? Bren says you left but he looks high"
"Cringey text speak?" Brendon laughed slightly
"Yeah,"
"Must be Pete. Oh!, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III is his full name, must have been a nickname."
"Fancy ass name."
"Yup."
"Were you high?"
"No. I'd been crying so I blamed drugs, im good at acting."
"Damn. I'm sorry."
"Its okay. We both messed up. Dallon messed up."
"Dallon?"
"It's... complicated?"
"Which bit? Him or why you were crying."
"Both."
"Can you explain?"
Brendon pursed his lips, then nodded, and explained it all. Audrey. The open relationship. Dallon. The kiss. The wounds. And he tried his best to be subjective, and he's sure he wasn't entirely, but it wasn't bad, and it was a relief to explain like this, to talk about the untalkable.

"So you don't remember any of this? Of us? Your friends?"
"I remember my mom and dad, Arden. And I remember the feeling, y'know?"
"I don't know."
"I don't remember you, or our relationship, but I remember the feeling, its like I can't place you but I know I love you. I get the feeling that I want to kiss you, or whatever, I just don't know why."
"And me explaining didn't bring anything back?"
"No. Not at all, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologising, but maybe we can try and get to know each other again, but from the stage of liking each other rather than strangers."
"I'd like that."
"And you better believe imma pull some big ass romantic gestures."
"And I'll stay in bed?"
"Just get better, yeah?"
"I'll try."
"You better."
The weird tension was there again, that feeling that a kiss was imminent without it actually happening, the promise unfulfilled.
Brendon nodded, and Ryan felt like he'd disappointed him, yet again. But what else could he do?

An// Firstly sorry this took so long and isn't that good but I was totally gonna kill Ryan this chapter and had been planning his death for ages but then I watched too much Jane The Virgin and realised I couldn't live with him dying so this is the next best thing :/