On your knees // Bandom

58. Hideaway

Dallon knew Ryan was leaving town. Brendon texted him that same night, moaning that he'd left to never return (for two weeks). If he'd called him six months ago, with those complaints and the pain in his voice, and the confirmation that his boyfriend was gone, Dallon would have gone round there.

And maybe he will, maybe Brendon will get cold and lonely and try to recreate a golden memory, and they'd have one last night before... before fate would step in and he'd be frozen in time, and Dallon could pretend he'd never left him.

How quickly everyone forgot Ryan S. Not Dallon, but he had convinced himself that he loved him in a different way to them. He came here, broke his heart and then Awstens, and left in a blaze of glory with a sheet over his face.

They forgot Ryan R, too, his past was erased and scraped clean of all of them, and he returned. The party, the accident - they all think of them, but with less and less regularity.

It was like they had all sunk in the ocean, drowned amongst the foamy waves, but now they were just standing in it, trying to dry off. The sun would come out, and they would tilt their faces to its rays and try not to remember how wet their feet still were. Then the tide would come up, for a few hours, and it'd be a struggle all over again.

There was a knock of Dallon's door that evening, even though it was practically night by then.
"I'll get it." He called, and walked across the landing to open the door.

It was Gee.
"Hey," They began, "Can I sleep here tonight? Shits gone down with like, my family, and Frank, and... I mean, you are my Romeo?"
"Yeah, of course. Maybe don't call me Romeo in front of my parents?"
"Sure. Thank you."

"Who is it?" His dad called.
"My friend. Can he stay the night?"
"Who?"
"Gerard?"
"Oh, him? Sure."
"Cool. Thanks."

Gee followed Dallon upstairs.
He. Gerard. Him.

"Hey, Dall?" They asked, once in his room
"Yeah?" Dallon was putting stuff from his bed onto his desk.
Gee bit their lip. "Juliets not a guy." They said, praying that it would be enough.
"I know? -oh."
Gee shrugged.
"Whatever," Dallon smiled at them.
"Cool." They flopped onto his bed with a soft 'oof'.

Gee sat up. "Can I put on music."
"Sure."
"I'm still friends with your speakers."
"Friends?"
They waved their hand dismissively. "Partners? Connected? You know what I mean."
"Yeah, not too loud or my dad'll be annoyed."
"Or your sisters?"
"They won't care."

"What happened with your family?" Dallon asked. The concern was there again, where his eyes didn't care at all, but he was asking after him and Gee was forever enamoured in some senses.
"I- I haven't seen them since Christmas."
"They kicked you out?"
"I left. I went to Franks and just... didn't come back."
"Oh."
"But Franks pissed at me, and I don't know why, so you're-"
"Backup?"
"Something like that. A good friend?"

What did Dallon want from this? He asked himself. Did he want to comfort Gee, tell them Frank was just having a bad day and it would all turn out fine

Whatever he did, he had some power here, and it was getting him high. Drunk off Gee's eyes as they talked about their world falling apart, as they confessed all their secrets.

"You can stay here as long as you like" Dallon told them, even though it wasn't really true and his parents would be pissed. "I'm here."

~

Frank went home alone for the first time in a while. He felt more alone on that walk home then he ever had. There had always been the possibility that everything would be okay, before, but now he knew. Now he'd got the answer he hadn't wanted, and it left him like this.

It wasn't Gee's fault. Well, in some senses they could be to blame, but he didn't; he just couldn't stand to share his pain with them. He didn't know where they'd go tonight, but they had friends, they'd be fine. Him, on the other hand?

Linda was there before him, working from home on her laptop in the lounge.
"Mom..." He sat next to her, heavily.

She finished typing and shut the lid. "Whats wrong, Frankie?"
He looked at her, and the loneliness gave way a little, just enough to give way to the tears.

He cried like a kid, like someone heartbroken, like a million other people falling apart. Hurt. All of the emotions washing over him, out of him.

Linda let him. She hugged him, without knowing why he needed the comfort, and she let him cry. She was curious, of course, as to why Frank was here and not at his dads, and why Gee wasn't here at all.

"Frank?" As the tears slowed, she moved him so she could see him. "Whats wrong, baby?"
"I'm gay, mom. And I have a boyfriend - Gee."
"I know, honey."
"But you still love me, right? It doesn't change anything? You still want me?"
"Of course I do, Frank, you're my favourite son, and favourite child. You're perfect." In her head, he may come a little short, but now was not the time to bring it up.
"That's what I wanted dad to say."
"You told him." it was barely a question.
"Yeah." He swallowed. "Thismorning." He started crying again, and she continued to hold him.

She was gonna kill her ex-husband.

~

Frank rang Gee just after Dallon had fallen quiet — asleep. They got up off the mattress on his floor and locked themselves in the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," Frank began.
"Its okay. I'm at Dallons."
"Its not okay. I should have explained, and I shouldn't have kicked you out. I'm really sorry."
"Have you been crying?"
"Yeah, a bit."
"What's wrong?"
"I- I came out to my dad."
"Oh. Shit."
"I love you, Gee. Sorry I didn't say that thismorning, I-"
"Stop apologising. Its okay. I understand."
"You can come back to mine whenever you want. I just needed this evening."
"I get that."
"Thank you."

Dallon wasn't really asleep, and he heard the whole conversation through the thin plaster wall that separated his room from the bathroom. His power slipped away as Gee embraced someone else's comfort.

He rolled onto his back and stared at the cracks in the ceiling, watched them form a map above his head, as they often did. Looked at the little houses made of disrepair, there was one for Taylor, and Awsten, and Brendon. Everyone lived in his little fantasy and obeyed him.

Gee could leave, and never return, just like they left their family, but soon enough he'd have Brendon, and that was worth the wait. He'd be his, and only his, the way Awsten was forever more in his possession; he could never love anybody else. Dallon liked him best like that.

~

In Hayleys opinion, this was her and Jamias second date. They had gone to watch a movie and Hayley had taken her hand under the glow of the screen. Their eyes had met, silently asking if it was too soon to kiss. Then Jamia looked away, embarrassed.

Jamia was starting to like her so much it killed her. Why did she have to be that one lesbian that falls for their closest friends and ruins everything? It wasn't fair on anyone.

Jamias heart flipped, hyperaware of Hayleys fingers brushing hers as she reached for popcorn, then sliding their hands together. Best friends.

Hayley held her hand tighter as the tension increased on screen, and Jamia lost track of the plot or the characters as all of her attention focused to that one point where she could feel Hayleys pulse. That must mean Hayley could feel hers, too. She took deep breaths to try and slow it.

Something funny happened on-screen. Something Jamia entirely missed. Hayley laughed, and she wanted to kiss her just too see her reaction: if she'd kiss back before pushing away; if she'd let her down gently with that painfully forgiving smile; If she'd laugh, so surprised and incredulous, and the humour would turn to disgust. Whatever happened, there'd be no more holding her hand in the dark, not for anyone else too see, just because she wanted to. Jamia couldn't risk that.

She let their hands rest heavily on the armrest, even when her arm went numb. All the pain of staying in the same place, too afraid to move. Story of her damn life.

Hayley wondered where her message of 'kiss me, please' had got lost.

An// yo if you like Spiderman or Love Simon go read 'spiderspier' its gay thanks love you