On your knees // Bandom

46. That One Song

"I have a question," Ryan began.
"Go ahead," Brendon stopped laughing to answer.
"Who said 'I love you' first?"
"Oh, me, by like a month. Obviously."
"Like a month? Seriously?"
"Uh huh."
"Re-enact it," Ryan dared.

Brendons eyes lit. "Okay, so, picture this. Two months into our 'open' relationship. We're on your couch," He shifted, tangling his legs into Ryans, shifting a little closer. "A bit like this, and my hair falls into my eyes and you push it back." Ryan complies, running a hand over his head. "And I'm speechless, except instead of saying nothing, I tell you I love you."

"I can see that happening." Ryan told him, and Brendon could feel his breath.
"Mmm."
"What about me? When did I eventually say it?"

"So its a month or so later, and we're alone, and you kiss me, I don't remember where, but I'm like," Brendon tilted his head back exposing his neck. "Fuck, I love you. Because at this point I've committed to saying it. And you, like, almost casually, say 'love you too."

His face was still looking up, and his lips were just slightly open. Eyes unseeing, recalling.

Ryan kissed him, pulling him back into the present. "I love you," he said into his mouth. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Brendon pushed him away, "Don't you wanna hear the next bit?"
"Go on,"

"I'm like 'do you mean that?' And you kinda shrug but I make you look at me," He put his hands up to Ryans face. "And you say of course you do. Of course you mean it." He shook his head, "It wasn't of course, though. It was never of course with you."

His eyes were too expressive, too deep. Ryan looked into them. "What did you say?"
Brendon shook his head. "I just shut up and let you kiss me."
"Are you ever glad I got amnesia?"
"I can't not be, right? I don't have a choice."
"But do you prefer me now?"
"You not recognising me and not remembering us, that was the worse- I can't be glad about that. I can't like that memory."
"It's not about that. You know that."
"I know."

Brendon offered a bittersweet half-smile and Ryan kissed it softly. He was better at being a boyfriend when he didn't have the strings and past attatched. Brendon knew this, hence the mixed emotions. He liked this new version, but he couldn't say he liked it better, because that would erase their beginnings. And begginings are oh so important.

~

So, Ryans neck snapped. From a fall, or being hit, or any number of things. It snapped like the band on Awstens wrist.

Jack: you ok?
Jack: I heard what happened.

He hadn't spoken to Jack much since he moved, and he missed his optimism and spirit. He was the one that was always down for dumb plans.

Awsten: his neck was broken.
Jack: shit, man.

Awsten had heard about wasted youth a million times, that innocent oblivion. Uncaring and foolish and addictive. He wished it were his.

He wished he could forget about death and prejudice and pain, lose himself in being a teenager.

He wanted to stay forever in the immortal feeling of kissing at golden hour, or driving with the windows down and the volume up, or dancing around your best friends bedroom to your old favourite song.

Instead of this empty lonely feeling. Instead of endless silence and horror and his adams apple stuck in his throat.

Awsten: I miss him, and i miss you, so I keep just thinking he's like... just in Houston like y'all, and I can see him soon and if i message him he'll reply and then.
Awsten: and then it hits me he's fucking gone
Awsten: y'know, I've only spoken to one person since he died. His dad. 22 words. I havn't talked aloud to my friends or family. I just can't.
Jack: dude if you ever need me, im here. We all are actually, if you need us.
Jack: and i/we miss you too b
Awsten: we can meet up winter break in like February
Jack: hell yeah imma plan a welcome home party
Jack: unless parties are suddenly off-limits bc of... y'know, Ryan.
Awsten: I'll be okay. Plan away.
Jack: oo imma invite Elijah/Sam/Kellin/Viking they might even get high
Awsten: sounds fun
Jack: you wanna get high?
Awsten: idk dude i'm not even speaking rn
Jack: you don't have to if you don't want to b
Jack: I don't even have to have a party i just got excited.
Awsten: no, its good. It'll be fun.
Jack: hell yeah

Jack wasn't good at comfort and advice and sympathy and all of the emotions lost people needed, but that was ok because Awsten was sick of them anyway.

~

Frank arrived home and walked into the living room where Jamia and Gee were on his sofa, a bowl of popcorn between them.

"I have your stuff, ba- Jamia?"
"I came over, if he can live here so can I."
"That's not how this works,"

He almost decided to argue, but then designated it a problem for later and dropped the bin bags of Gee's clothes. He turned to Brendon and Ryan, "Thanks so much."
"No problem."
"For real," He hugged Brendon. "Thank you."
"It's alright," Brendon replied fondly. "See you tomorrow."
"Okay, see you both. Love you, Ry."

As they left, Frank ignored the clothes on the floor and turned to his boyfriend and best friend.

"Can you put on Mario Cart?" Jamia asked.
"So you come to my house, take my popcorn, and ask me to do stuff for you?"
"You're not used to this?" Gee wondered aloud.
"Shut up." He started to set up the game anyway.

Behind his back, Jamia threw a piece of popcorn at Gee, who giggled.

He turned around.
"I thought I was meant to be the only one not third wheeling."
Jamia laughed.
"Sorry but im stealing your boyfriend."
"On what grounds?" Frank fell into the sofa between them.
"They're nice."
"Jamia you can't just steal my boyfriend."
"Give me one reason not to."
"I'll be so sad I'll sing Taylor Swift."
"Oh god no. You keep them."
"Isn't it meant to my choice?" Gee cut in.
"And what is your choice?"
"Jamia."
"You should keep in mind that stealing other peoples toys on the playground won't make you many friends..."
"Nope. Shut up. Back to Mario Cart character selection."

Frank sat back onto the sofa and Gee instinctively pulled him closer.
"Nope, you chose my best friend over me. You don't get to touch me."
"You have a Swift lyric for that, too?"
"Probably," He leaned in, despite his objections.
Gee kissed his forehead, "Who you gonna be?"
"Yoshi?" Frank replied.
"Wasn't talking to you. Jamia? Darling?"
Frank pouted at the nickname
"Princess Peach, the lesbian goddess." She replied.
"Cute."
"Yeah, I believe she is in love with Rosalina."
"I don't think Rosalina's in Maro Cart."
"But she's in mine and Peach's hearts."

"If you're such a lesbian, Jamia," Frank interrupted. "Why are you stealing my boyfriend?"
"Because Gee's not a guy."
"You got me there," He admitted.
"And..," Gee contributed. "As you are gay and Jamia is a lesbian both of you would have equal interest in my gender, or lack thereof."
"Fuck." Frank said.
"Yeah, don't have an answer for that, do you?" Gee pushed.
"I mean you're literally making me sit in your lap, but you're clearly not into me."
"Its called friendship."
"Friendship?" Frank echoed.
"Uh huh."

Frank turned around his seat and kissed them, and they immediately dropped their controller and reciprocated.

"Im definitely gonna win, by the way." Jamia said, trying to ease the tension.
"I kind of... don't mind." Frank said, slowly.
"What have you become?!"

He kissed Gee's jaw and watched their eyes flutter. "Made up your mind yet, Princess?"
Gee swallowed. "I don't think that is allowed."
"I don't think I care."
"God, can you two... not."
"This is totally your fault,." Frank said, distracted.
"But they chose me, didn't they?"
Gee dragged their eyes to her. "I mean, Jamia, I love you, and you're beautiful and everything..."
"But I won't do the kinky shit and Frank will?"
"Something like that." Gee admitted, but their eyes were back on Franks.

"I won." Frank announced in a self-satisfied voice.
"Gee? Yeah, maybe, but Mario? Sorry but Peach just came first." Jamia crossed the finish line as she spoke, leaving Gee and Frank spinning in dust at the sidelines.
"I can catch up."
"Bet."

In the end, Jamia still won.

An// im rereading throam. Big mistake.
Stream turbulent.