On your knees // Bandom

20. Perfect Places

An// the music vid looks like a Drarry fic lmao
Also there are probably lots of triggers this chapter so just message me if you need anything tagged and ill do it from now on.

"Brendon." Ryans mums tone wasn't exactly welcoming as he walked in, but she softened as he turned to face her, because he looked broken, so, so, broken.

Brendon crossed the room and sat down in he seat next to Ryans bed, picking up his hand, he started to apologise.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry and I... this is my fault, Ry,"
He was cut off by a "Why is this your fault?" From his mother.
"I, uh, it's my fault he was walking home alone and upset."
"So you did this?"
"Im sorry."
"You don't deserve to be here," she started to stand up.
"Mom." Arden stopped her. "You can't make him leave," he lowed his voice "look at him."
"So his supposed best friend kills him..."
"He's not dead." Ryans dad cut it. "He's not dead."
"And he's not Ryans best friend..."
Brendon saw the second half of the sentence coming and shook his head at Arden frantically. To no avail.
"-He's his boyfriend."

"What?" Ryans mom stood up. "That's not true." She looked at Brendon.
"Why would your son lie to you?"
"So you-you convert my son to your ways and then get him ran over? Is that it?"
And then Brendon was crying again, choking on air and doubling over as hot tears fell down onto Ryans bed.

Brendon didn't know how long it was till Ryan stirred, he cried and argued with his parents and answered calls from his mom, shouting at him for irresponsibility, but at least his explanations were adequate.

Until Ryan opened his eyes.
"Dad? Mom?" His voice was raspy and Arden immediately went over to the counter to get him a drink. Brendon and Ryans mum locked eyes and silently agreed that now was not the time to mention his outing.
"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. You're..." his father was repeating an anthem of promises that nobody could be sure of. Brendon was just blinking back tears and holding his hand far too tight. His mom was the only one with the presence of mind to press the call button.

"Im sorry, Ry, this is my fault."
"No?." Ryans voice was still barely there. He looked Brendon dead in the eye "But I..." Brendon looked at him with desperation. "I don't know you."
"Ry..."
"Im sorry."

Two nurses came in, and one started checking various vitals, while the other softly asked questions.
"Ryan, honey, can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?"
"...three."
"Okay, great, and do you know who the president is?"
Ryan paused. "Trump. Unfortunately.".
"Okay, do you know who this is?" She pointed at his mom.
He nodded. "My mom."
"Do you know what happened to you."
"I.... no."
"Nothing?"
"No, I'm sorry."
The other nurse gave her a nod and she smiled and waved her hand in a dismissive move, she left.
"What about two plus two?"
"Four."
"What is your favourite song?"
Ryan shook his head, his eyes wet "I don't know, thats not memory loss im just bad at decisions."
"Okay, honey, breath. Does it hurt?"
"Yes, my head hurts, so badly."
"Okay, we'll get you something."
She pressed a button and he relaxed slightly, and Brendon wanted to take his hand, but he couldn't, because each look was met with a blank stare. So he just left.

He'd been at the hospital for 18 hours, so it was now 11pm and he'd missed school, and he really couldn't care less, so he found some bar off a dark street where he knew a few people from his school dealt.

From across the room, Gabe Saporta saw Brendon Urie and his eyes lit up.
"Brendon!"
"Gabe," Petes lying, cheating, ex.
"You don't seem peachy."
"Ryan doesn't know me." Brendon didn't care to explain that further.
"Well I have some, stuff. So im sorry for your loss, have something on the house."
His choice of words was an irony not lost on Brendon. But now he was Gabe, Petes lying, cheating, ex, with pills. So Brendon smiled and took one, because fuck it he wanted to be somewhere else, up in the sky with diamonds or at least not in this fucked up universe.

So Brendon was high, and Gabe was babysitting, and Gabe would protect him, he was sure, Gabe was his friend.
"Ryans doesn't know me." He repeated, because he knew he wouldn't be believed, because he wasn't in that universe anymore, so it didn't matter. But it did matter because every-time Brendon shut his eyes he pictured it, blood on the road and Ryans tears reflecting in the headlights. The blank stare.
"Sucks, man." Gabe was just agreeing with him, going along with his friend.
"And you cheated on Pete."
"Yeah, and im sorry about that."
"You are?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
And he still saw Ryan, Ryan smiling and dancing and talking with him. But now he didn't recognise him, and it was his fault. This might be cheating, but cheating had already ruined everything, so who cared.

So he reached forward, bunched Gabes shirt in his fist and pulled him closer, kissed him hard. And Gabe kissed back, knowing that it was rebound, but boy was Brendon Urie hot and he wasn't fully sober.

Gabe pulled away first.
"Brendon."
He smiled, "Gabe..."
"Ryan?"
And the unbidden images came again, a montage of this boy who had meant the world, and Brendon had ruined it.
"Doesnt fucking matter."
And Gabe nodded, and kissed him again, tasting the aftertaste of the pill still on his tongue, and guilt crossed fleetingly across his mind. It didn't stop him.

Brendon tried to go on tiptoes but he couldn't stay up, his balance wrecked, so Gabe lifted him up onto a bar stool, then dragged his lips across to whisper in his ear.
"My place? Its a block away and my dad isn't home."
Brendon nodded, and leaned back. His pupils were blown wide, and Gabe didn't know if it was him or the drugs, but he didn't really care, and sent a silent apology to Ryan as he tipped the bartender and pulled Brendon off into the night.

It wasn't dark outside, the windows all still lit, cars still driving home, street lamps joined by people with nowhere better to be.

It was, as promised, only a block to Gabes house, then up three floors in a lift that had a wide mirror that they were probably not the only people to make out against.

Gabe pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, barely stopping kissing him; a practiced gesture. Brendon didn't care, he had been to Gabes once before and remembered it just well enough to push them both into his bedroom.

"You sure you're ok with this?"
Gabe paused, because he hadn't tried the pills he gave Brendon, and because this all screamed of immorality.
"Yeah, I just need..." Ryan out of his head. "You."
Gabe kissed him, ran his fingertips along Brendons hips, but Brendon didn't want feather light touches, couldn't feel the gentleness, he needed to forget.

Gabe let him forget.
Gabe was there for him.
Gabe was his friend.