On your knees // Bandom

48. Teen Age Riot

So apparently the lack of talking didn't stop Awsten facetiming. He was a diva and needed audio and visual (and iMessage not sms, but thats a different issue). If he was texting them as he saw them, that was fine.

Awsten: otto im begging you don't chop off your hair I will cry.

"Okay!" Alex clapped his hands together and Otto laughed, startled. "But it would look good."

Awsten: no! It would not.

"Yeah, okay, look," Alex pulled Ottos face toward him. "So he wears that dumb hat all the time-"
"Not all the time," Otto complained.
"But like at the moment the hair just falls beneath it. What if: his hair was just below the hat. Like just below, and it would be more curly and curl around the bottom of the beanie. Adorable?"

Awsten: better concept tho:
Awsten: otto with longer hair.
Awsten: like disney Princess, down to his feet hair.

Otto laughed again. "I am a Disney princess."
"In tangled she chops her hair off," Alex pointed out.
"Y'all know Awsten would murder me if I did that."

Awsten: I'd take the cut off bits and put them in a locket and keep it around my neck forever

"Ew!" Alex pulled a face.
"I think its kinda romantic." Otto told him, tongue in cheek.

Awsten: exactly!!

Alex rolled his eyes. "Speaking of, Awsten, you coming up for valentines?"

Awsten: idk probs not. Im coming half term

Otto pulled a face, "We could have gone on one of our classic double dates, me and Travis, you and Geoff."
"I think sometimes y'all forget I have an actual boyfriend."
"You're not invited, then."
"Hey! Thats rude."

Awsten: dude how long have you even been dating now?

"Uh, a year at New Years, so like 54 weeks?"
"Who counts in weeks?"
"I do, apparently."
"Thats- Shit."

Awsten: whats wrong?

"We've got to go. Love you, Awsten."
"We do? Okay, bye!" Alex waved at him and Otto turned off the camera.

Suddenly, just like that, he was alone. Alone in his room, in his head.

He missed them so much it hurt, he wanted to be the one playing with Ottos hair and planning double dates for people who weren't truly couples.

Ryan was still the best thing about moving,  and he was gone. There were other people that meant something: Frank and Ryan R etcetera, but they weren't him.

It sucked that his Houston friends never got to meet Ryan, but there were a lot of things he'd have liked to do and they didn't get a chance to. So many memories they could have made, so many endings that would have been better than this.

They never got to have sex.

It was a dumb thought, and unfair, because he hated the people who only wanted him for that. But it was still a rite of passage that Ryan would never get.

He just wanted to not be thinking about it. Just for a second. Please, God, let him forget. But then, if he did, he'd have to remember. Remembering is the worst part.

~

"Sometimes I wish I could run away," Gee admitted.
"Why don't you?" Frank asked.
"People. Patrick and You, mostly. Mikey. Shit, Mikey makes me feel so guilty."
"You needed to leave."
"No," Gee shook their head, "I wanted to. I left him, and he's going through shit and I left him."