Palpitations in Love

Drunken Honesty

Why does it tear me up inside
To hear your voice & advice
When I know I simply can't abide
By what you think is best for us
I just keep filling the void
& I know someday someone will make me a happy & grateful boy
But you left this shockwave that's rippled
All throughout my being
I feel broken & lost & crippled
Especially when you preach about love
It's all decent enough & pure of heart
But when does it start to apply to me
Or to you for that matter
When all it ever has been is a series of calamitous clatter
Do you even know how much of you still lingers in my chest
I know I've spit it out many times in between shakey breaths
But I don't know if you realize I've really tried to let it all go
You think I've moved on but it surely isn't so
I was backed into a corner with only two options
To heed your advice or wallow in the mishaps & losses
Then you made your way back & I couldn't have felt more helpless
But nonetheless I still held a stupid blind hope
Maybe it's just a shitty way to cope but fuck me it hurts the most
When I hear you talk of love & forgiveness
When your own kind words turn wicked & vicious
Because despite the good intentions it seems to fall flat
At least when it comes to what you & I had
But don't get me wrong I don't want that
I want us to grow, for you to be a place for me to nest
& for I to be a place where your roots can digest
All the things you crave & need
So why does it have to be
That when I say I love you
You say it's not that simple you see
Love takes work & I'm no stranger to labor
But maybe I'm just drunk & you're just greater
Bigger & better than any before or after
Somehow you're in my life chapter after chapter
I just want us to be.
That's all I could ever hope to achieve
For you & I to love endlessly
Before we're stripped of our humanity by the inevitability of assured mortality
Only death is certain but we could add love & create new verdicts
I love you, I love you, I love you
& you know I do
But it all sits stagnant in my heart, growing old & bitter & blue