Missed Opportunities // Dan Howell x Reader

Chapter 49

TW: eating disorder, ptsd

Update: I still suck at keeping it past tense

Chapter 49

Y/N's POV

It was like a nightmare. It was as if he was standing right in front of me. The flashbacks I got seemed so real. So vivid.

I was shaking- no, trembling. Scared for my life. Humiliated. Used. Crumbled into a little ball of paper that could no longer be ironed out.

And yet only a second later I was back.
In the real world. Faced with Dan's head hanging low.

And a look asking for forgiveness. To give him a chance to explain
But I remembered from experience how fake those looks could be. So I ran.

I ran back into the hotel and into the elevator. When I reached the top I practically dived to my bed. This was my sheild from the world now. I will stay here.

...or so I thought.

"Y/N?"

Maddie's POV

"Y/N?" I asked after I opened the door to our room with my key card and let Zoe in.

"I know it reminds you- ...
I know you think-
I..." I said stumbling over my words. I knew how she was feelings- as her best friend it was my job to know.

"He... is gone now." I said. Being careful not to say his name at the moment. We haven't said it in years.

"This is Dan we're talking about" I started to say as Zoe sat next to her and rubbed her back, "He's nothing like that jackass. Whatever is happening I'm sure you'll figure this out. But for right now, let's calm down, take a break from Dan, and dance your problems away." I giggled trying to make her laugh even though I knew she didn't want to. That was just the awkward side of me showing.

"Yeah Hun, it'll come back around. Right now it's portant that you take a breather." Zoe added, trying to help me out (even though she had never actually met the monster of an ex-boyfriend y/n had).

We all touched up our looks one last time and left.

Specifically making sure y/n was confident with how she looked.

Y/N's POV

Fat
Ugly
Nothing.

She's better than you.

have you seen yourself?

She's skinnier..

What have you been eating? Gross.

You know Dan liked it, her hands all over him. That's why he looked so guilty. He got caught, i bet.

Good for nothing.

"Leave me alone" I yell in my own head to my brain for feeding me so much bullshit.

But no matter how hard I tried. I still believed it.

--

"Y/n! Come here!" I saw a one of a kind soul yell my name. It was Thomas. Thomas Sanders. He was standing by the snack table, petting a dog. As I made my way over, the owner politely took her away.

"Who was that?"
"I don't know. I just saw a dog and needed it in my hands" he giggled

"You should try one!" He said while handing me a small (smol) Madeline rapped neatly in a napkin. The tiny pastry made me feel sick. You don't want to get fat.

"No thanks."
"Are you sure?!"

I turned to see Dan talking to Phil, Joey, and Daniel with her close behind. She smirked at me and continued to make herself a part of the conversation.

She'll judge you. They'll all be looking

So I won't eat.

Good.
You'll show her.
Empty.
You have to be empty.

"Yeah, trust me. I'm all good." I smiled at him. But I knew a part of the smile was fake. And I think he knew it too. I quickly made an exit as soon as I could... Which was when Joan came and distracted him for a few seconds.

I ran back to Zoe and Maddie to hopefully forget about the situation.

~~ Tímę ßkîp ~~
(brought to you by Tanacon)

Y/N's POV

It started to get late. Once our pannel and overall first day of Vidcon was done, we all went to the party that was being hosted on the rooftop for all the featured creators in the hotel.

I passed by Dan in the hallway and before I could run off he grabbed my hand.

"I'm sorry Cat has been attached to my hip. She's been obsessed with me for years now." He started to explain

"Are you ashamed of me?" I cut him off in thought

"No. As soon as she laid her hand on me I told her I wasn't single."

"But you didn't mention me. Did you? I'm just some big secret now..." I said kind of bitterly

"Hey! We both agreed that we weren't telling the public yet. Who knows what Cat would have done with that information?!" He said as his voice got louder and more concentrated on our eye contact

"That doesn't mean you're supposed to be with other girls in front of cameras, Dan! Once something serious happens, you're supposed to tell the truth. Not run into the sunset with her all day." I snapped

"Being with Cat is hardly the sunset."

"I don't care! ... Whether it's heaven or hell it's supposed to be us." I choked on my words as my vision started to get foggy.

"It doesn't matter if you tell her you're taken. You didn't move her hand, or ask for mine." I started to think out loud

And so I left.
---

A/N: yikes... pretty intense... Sorry

(No I'm not😏)

Jk. Jk. ALSO! THANKS FOR 5K READS IM FLIPPING MY SHIT. AUTHOR-CHAN IS SO PROUD OF Y'ALL.

-Lei <3