Regular

Heartbreak

I know I haven't posted in a while, but here it is!

*****

That replayed in my head. His face, his stories... I didn't know whether to call him Dad or Master anymore. I mean, he's always been my master, but he's really my dad. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't talk to Issac about this--I'd start crying. I could still taste the sorrow of Dad's words in my mouth. I could still feel his wanting within his words--his wanting to be my dad. I could hear the regret of his leaving when he talked about Mom. I saw the look in his eyes as he spoke. I couldn't believe this was happening.

My master was my father.

As I walked along the pond of the house, I tried to clear my head. I debated Darnellel's proposal. Once again, I was only seventeen. How could I marry? Did I even want to? Was Darnellel great? Yes. Was he loving and caring and respectful? Yes. Would he stick with me for the rest of my life with all of this bullshit drama that happened? Probably, probably not. When someone proposes to you, you have to consider all options. Marriage... It's a piece of paper and rehearsed words.

They say marriage is "for as long as they both shall live"--I like that line better than the other one. But two out of three marriages end in divorce. Plus, after you get married, then there's the apartment, then the decision on whether or not I want to carry a baby boy or girl in my stomach for nine months. For guys, they didn't have to worry about most of this stuff. But yes, they would have to get a job to pay the bills, make enough money to buy a house.... Again, so much to consider.

This would be a good time for my mother to show up. These were the things that moms helped their daughters through. Moms are a girl's best friend. Moms wipe away tears, moms interrogate boyfriends--so do dads. Moms... Moms are really important. Moms help daughters make huge decisions. They help them pick out the perfect prom dress. They help them do their hair, they tell stories to each other. But my mom was god knows where, so I had to do this alone.

It'd been a couple weeks--maybe a monthish--since the proposal. I knew I had to give him an answer. Soon. And... I wasn't sure I wanted this now. I wanted to be young while I still could. I didn't want to grow up so fast, so young. I sighed, knowing what I had to do. I had to let him down easy. I wasn't breaking up with him--I just didn't want to rush this. I walked inside the house and found Darnellel in his room.

"Kate," he smiled at me, closing his book.

"Darnellel, hey. Look, about the proposal.... I... I don't think I'm ready yet. I mean... I've been thinking really hard about this and I don't think I should. That we should. Not yet. We're still so young, and we should be enjoying it while we can," I said.

He stood and walked to me. "I understand."

I exhaled. "You do?"

He nodded. "You don't want to get married. You want to be young, wild, and free."

"I wouldn't say 'wild' and 'free.' Just--"

"Don't," he stopped me. "Just don't."

"Darnellel, I'm only saying no to the proposal. I'm not saying no to us," I looked in his eyes.

"Goodbye, Kate," he said.

"Wait," I grabbed his arm. "Are you seriously breaking up with me because I won't marry you right now?"

"I'm breaking up with you, because your head is not clear," he yanked his arm away and left.

"My head is clear!" I yelled, knowing he couldn't hear me.

The pain of the heartbreak ached in my chest. Why was he being this way? What did he mean by saying my head wasn't clear? I mean, it was clear enough. I just couldn't get the feeling od rejection out of my body. I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted to be with me wherever I went. I thought all the wrong things. Love is the trick of the heart, and the fool of the mind.

I went to Harvey and he was reading the newspaper. I stood and waited, not sure what to say first. He had made my life hell. He was the reason I was in this mess. If he could've just left me alone, everyone would've been fine. But he was just as confusing as Master. He captured me, but has barely done anything to me. Was he waiting for me to die out of pure randomness or something?

"Are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to tell me what you want?" he asked, not looking up from his newspaper.

"What do you want with me?" I asked.

He looked up at me and looked over me. "Excuse me?"

"You captured me to use me as bait for my brother. But the entire time I've been here...it's been strange. You haven't really done anything to me. You just brought me here like it was a normal thing," I said.

"Nearly three months since you've been here, and you just figured that out?" he chuckled at me.

Had it really been that long?

"Look, Kate," he stood. "If you don't wanna be here, then go. I figured if you were here, Issac would eventually give up his powers. Sure, this hasn't been the typical kidnap situation, but there's a reason for everything I do. You want to go search for your parents, go. You want to be normal, go. My plan failed. So go."

"Why wait three months to tell me this?" I asked.

"Again. I thought I'd have Issac's powers by now," he shrugged.

"Fine," I said, walking off.

I went back to my room, grabbed my cloak, and walked out the door. I've always hated goodbyes. So I just left. Darnellel was mad at me, Issac would be fine without me, Erica would leave soon maybe, and Fay probably didn't care if I left. I walked around, trying to decide which way to go. Right? Left? Straight? North? South? East? West?

As I took my path, the wind picked up slightly. I knew what I had to do. I had to find my mom. I had to get answers. I had to forget the old Kate that believed good could come from everything. I had to find my reality.