x Ziam One Shots x

It don't run in our blood

Summary: Zayn and Liam’s relationship was on false pretenses.
All the lazy kisses in the early mornings, and the lust filled nights are meaningless.
It was just momentary pleasure; just to escape their lives for a little while. 

Pairing: Ziam, duh xD 

Warning: Sad, really sad, depressingly sad. Read at your own risk. 

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It started in the summer of 2013, as it was meeting it’s end. It was our last year in high school together. I was going off to Law school and Zayn was going to stay in town. School was never really his thing, and only attended because at home was worse. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I counted his bruises in the comfort of night. We have always been close, relying on one another and never letting each other down. It was as if we were kindred spirits, mirroring each other perfectly. His voice kept me grounded, as I kept him afloat. His skin was softer back then, untouched by the crulity of the world. He was simply bent from the at home frustrations.

The days dwindled on and I held on tighter. I could feel life’s clock tick as my future came knocking. It was as if this packaged deal only had a ticket for one, leaving me restless at night. Zayn always reminded me it was going to be alright for me, but never promised for himself. I became more greedy for his touch as I knew one day I'd lose it. I reveled in his presence, making a special place just for him. His soft breathing made my heart pound faster as we hugged one last time. I kissed upon his sun kissed neck and told him to forget-me-not.



– ~ * ~ –



It’s been one year now since you’re no longer around. I feel like I’m always floating, never stable in one place. We lost the grip that kept us balanced. By year two is when I stopped eating. The feeling of my stomach being empty matched my heart and soul. No one never told me eating was something very important when you are lonely until I landed in the hospital. It wasn’t until the third year I begun to smoke away the emptiness instead. The feeling of the burning embers going into my lungs, momentarily eased the pain. He didn’t have a say about going away, and he deserves to have a chance. Happiness is something Liam deserves because he is real, physically and emotionally there.

By the fourth year, I was already packing my bags to move out of town. It felt too empty for only one of us, so I moved to the city. New York, the capital of find yourself, more like lose yourself.

Now on it’s fifth, I spend my days painting away the emotions on a blank canvas like my heart. I could no longer wear it on my sleeve so I put it on a board. Letting your heart be so open for everyone to see is to real, when I am feeling dead. I hadn’t realized till now with my paint stained clothing that I suffered my first heart break.



– ~ * ~ –



Two shots of whisky in and I can feel my head tingle. It’s becoming a habit escaping the house to go for a few pints lately seeing that Danielle is bitchy again. She's a nice girl, pretty, and a bit exotic looking. We met in my last year of law school, and have been dating for three years now. It’s been seven years since I moved away from my hometown, and all the drinks in the world can never let me forget it. The daily stress of work and cases can really ware you to the bone. It leaves my mind wondering at night, sitting alone at this bar. My thought travel to when my head was a virgin to the world, pure from the daily lies and secrets. Not allowing yourself to be who you are so you can fit in to what everyone else wants you to be.

My mind says I’m into her, but my heart tells me otherwise. I proposed to her three weeks ago and I am already regretting it. Pressure from the outside, is caving in and making me feel numb to the world. I try to drink it all away so I can feel the whisky tingle in the back of my had, reminding me that I still have to try. Pretend I’m happy, look the part, at least give it time and effort and see if I can just grow into happiness.



He would most definitely want me to be happy.



– ~ * ~ –



My 28th birthday is in week, signaling its only a few month away from being 10 years. In those long years, I’ve met a girl. Her blue eyes were new for me, which were outlined in black thick makeup. Her gaze was intense and had a sweet smile to match. When she looks at me it makes me feel so exposed, and vulnerable. I guess she leaped at chance. It’s been a year now since we started dating. I’ve started to work at a coffee shop again, go figure. I’m back to smelling like burnt coffee beans and mocha. The bitterness of the shop matches the past life i’ve seem to finally let go. I can barley remember your face now, only your eyes. They were warm from what I can remember, but now they’re at a distance. So far away, I can’t see you even if I squinted.

I’ve picked up a new addiction of inking my body. I’ve come to like the feeling of the burning of sensation of the ink being permanently embellished on my skin. It covered up all the scars and cuts from years ago you use to clean from me. I’ve got a few inks that are meaningless, and a few... that reminds me of you. Those were the first ones I got in the heat of the moment still broken from your lost, so it comforted me. Now I want to cut the very flesh off that even resembles you. It’s too painful to look at.



– ~ * ~ –



I was 31 when I saw you for the first time in 14 years. You were closing your coffee shop up on the corner of broadway as I was leaving a meeting on my business trip. Your skin was paler from what I can remember and your body became lithe. I nearly fainted when your dead hazel eyes made eye contact with mine. They lost their life and shine. You just stared at me in horror as I took steps towards you. I couldn’t help but hug you even though I felt your bones break under me, leaving your body limp in my arms. I quickly lead you too the hotel I was staying at as not even a single word of dialogue was yet to be said between us. You just followed along willingly wanted this just as much as I me.

That night is when I found out what life had done to you. As lust crept up our spines as we attacked each other in hunger. No, we were starving. You just let yourself be so easily taken under me as we fucked the night away. I could feel you fold under neath me and shiver in disbelief we were now one. It was a long night as we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other, grabbing, kissing, biting anything we could get a hold of. We were both in ecstasy as we rode each other along in our pleasure into the depths of the night. We just prayed to ourselves that the morning would never come.



But of course, it did.

– ~ * ~ –



When it hit dawn, the sun peeking through the cracks of the blinds, I could feel the warm rays touch my skin. You looked so different now. Your hair was buzzed, feeling soft under my wandering hands. You were big now, muscular; losing that little chubbiness I use to love to cuddle. Your face was more firm, older as stubble linger across your chiseled chin. Your skin was rougher under my roaming hands along your arms as the hair was thicker now. Your smell however was the same. That sweet musk that made me fall asleep many times in your arms before and your loud breathing that kept me alive. Your chest still did that thing were it would beat louder when it was touched. I pressed my lips against your brilliant ones again and again until you woke up and kissed me back.

We kept falling into this same trap over and over again over the years.

Our relationship was on false pretenses. All the lazy kisses in the early mornings, and the lust filled nights are meaningless. It was just momentary pleasure; to just escape our lives for a little while.



You were already married with two children and a beautiful wife. You were a working man and needed to support your family.

And I was in a single sided relationship with a girl I’ve never muttered the three words I’ve craved all my life you refuse to give me.

It’s not your fault though. Life robbed us at a young age of the happiness of what could have been. It screwed us and forced us into a daily routine we are simply reacting to. It was a permanent reminder of how cruel life is.

Now we live in a life of regret and confusion as we wait as each day goes by, so we can lust in the night for what we crave.



Never being able to escape each other now,

and never obtaining our desire for each other.