There goes my heart beating,
'Cuz you are the reason.
I'm losing my sleep,
Please come back now.
I held my knees tightly to my chest, tears running down my cheeks like a storm. I tried to get up, tried to do something but all I could do was sitting on my bed crying my eyes out.
"Rye?"
I looked up at Mikey seeing he was also crying, I shook my head and turned my back towards him. It's my fault, it's all my fault Brooklyn and Jack got in that accident, it's my fault Brooklyn got into a coma, it's my fault Jack had a broken leg and arm. If I just didn't argue with them it wouldn't have happened.
I didn't let the boys in not even Jack, even though he told me it wasn't my fault. But I needed Brooklyn and needed him badly. I haven't slept in a week, ever since the accident I shut myself out, not letting anyone in. I didn't eat good, I had dark bags underneath my eyes, my body had gotten thinner, I didn't even went on runs anymore..
And there goes my mind, racing.
And you are the reason.
That I'm still breathing,
I'm hopeless now.
My mind had been racing with every little thing that happened, how Brooklyn looked when the car slammed in on us, or how Jack screamed for both me and Brooklyn, how I couldn't help any of them, or how I just had a few bruises and scratches and Jack and Brooklyn had it way worse.
"Rye."
I looked up at Andy to see him standing in the doorway with Mikey and Jack behind him. "We know you blame yourself Rye, but do you really think Brooklyn wants this? Your literally killing yourself if you continue doing this! We have a change to lose Brooklyn.. Don't let us lose you to." Andy was by the end of his words sobbing as Mikey just had teary eyes, and for Jack.. Well he had turned around.
"I'm sorry."
My voice was raspy due the fact that I haven't spoken to anyone in two weeks time now.
Andy shook his head and ran to me hugging me for dear life, "Please Rye we can't lose you. I can't even lose Brooklyn, and I know he'll be fine, but - but what if he don't?" Andy was a whimpering mess by now. Mikey and Jack both sat down next to me both of them holding my hands and Andy's hands.
I'd climb every mountain,
And swim every ocean,
Just to be with you.
And fix what I've broken.
Oh, 'cause I need you to see,
That you are the reason.
The boys had been visiting Brooklyn over these weeks, well all except for me. I just couldn't get myself to see the state he was in right now, but today was the day I was going to see him.
"Rye, come on!"
Andy's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as I opened my bedroom door to see them already in clothes and ready to go. Mikey walked towards me and pecked my lips quickly before holding my hand and dragging me with him and the other two to the hospital.
Andy opened the door to Brooklyn's room, Mikey slowly pushed me inside knowing I needed a push.
I gasped at what I saw, there he was laying on the hospital bed, pale, bruised up, cuts all over his face, tubes in both his arms. He just looked horrible, not the living soul he was last month.
I slowly stepped forward, shaking. I held his soft hands in mine which where just plain cold. How did I do this to him? He must hate me when he wakes up.
I felt tears fall down my cheeks as I held his hand closer in mine, I layed my head on the bed, sobbing.
There goes my head shaking,
And you are the reason.
My heart keeps bleeding,
I need you now.
If I could turn back the clock,
I'd make sure the light defeated
the dark.
I'd spend every hour of every day.
Keeping you safe.
My hands where shaking badly as the doctors pushed me out of the room, tears visible again. "What's going on?" Andy asked as he walked next to me, "He started having a hard time with breathing, probably with the tube he had in his throat." I mumbled looking away from the door. Mikey grabbed my face between his hands before looking me in the eyes "Rye, baby, please this isn't you're fault. Brooklyn loves you, we love you." Mikey kissed my lips gently. And I let myself melt into it, just forgetting the world for a little bit.
"Family of Brooklyn Wyatt?"
I pulled away towards the nurse as Andy nodded "We are his boyfriends." He stated and ignored the dirty look the nurse gave us. "He's awake now." She stated more harshly then friendly. I pushed her aside and threw open the door seeing Brooklyn sitting on the bed, instead of laying on the bed. I felt my knees gave out underneath me as I fall on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
I felt Andy's soft hands slowly lifting me up and out of the room, he made me sit down against the wall as he sat in front of me.
"Rye look at me." Andy held my chin so I had to look in his eyes, "I love you so much baby... Please stop crying." He gently wiped the tears away before kissing my cheeks. "Brooklyn isn't mad at you, I promise." He said looking me straight in the eyes and I believed in no matter what.
We both went back to the room and I immediately hugged him, sobbing in his crook of his neck. Brooklyn wrapped his arms around me as good as he could, "I'll be you're light saver Brooklyn." I whimpered out before kissing his lips softly. Brooklyn smiled and kissed me back, only to be pull away after a few seconds. "I love you Rye, this wasn't you're fault at all.
I'd climb every mountain,
And swim every ocean,
Just to be with you.
And fix what I've broken.
Oh, 'cause I need you to see,
That you are the reason.
Brooklyn got home today and I still felt horrible about what happened, I wanted to fix things with not just him, but the others to. I had hurt them when Brooklyn was in a coma, I shut them out as well, even though they needed me more then ever, but I didn't care... All I did was sit in self pity in my room..
I shook my head and sighed as I looked in the mirror, I was going to make dinner for the guys, with candles and make it a special evening for us all.
"Alright Ryan, what are you up to?"
I looked at the doorway seeing Jack leaning at it, with a smirk on his pink lips. "Just something for my boyfriends." I grinned before pushing him into the Mindy room where everyone was seated. "Guys I made dinner tonight." I announced as I pointed to the kitchen counter where the food was standing but under a big towel. The boys smiled and they sat at the couch as I served them their food, I lit a small candle on the table. We all eat happily together and just talked about random things, and also what Brooklyn had missed.
Soon it was midnight and we where all cuddled up together well me and Brooklyn on the couch, Andy, Mikey and Jack on Andy's bed. I smiled as I held Brooklyn in my grip tightly before falling a sleep with him close in my arms. The boys will always be my only reason to breath, to live and to love. I don't want to fight with them, or make them cry anymore. They are my everything and without then I'm nothing. I'll do anything for these boys. I smiled as I felt Brooklyn's grip tighten on me.
That you are the reason.
I don't wanna fight no more,
I don't wanna hide no more,
I don't wanna cry no more.
Come back. I need you to hold me,
(You are the reason)
A little closer now, just a little closer now.
come a little closer. I need you to hold me tonight.
I'd climb every mountain,
And swim every ocean,
Just to be with you.
And fix what I've broken.
'cause I need you to see,
That you are the reason.
