Broken Child

Heaven

⚠TRIGGER WARNING ⚠

'worthless'

'trash'

'waste of space '

'slut'

'animal'

And a lot more words that I heard all my life, at first I didn't know the meaning of some, but with time I grew to know them, memorise them by heart that it hurts deeply , and it hurts even more when you know they are true

I'm worthless, it's true the only thing I'm good at is being a toy and sometimes I mess it up...

I am a waste of space, I'm just body with no soul with no future, with no life of my own...

I am a slut, I let them do what ever they want with the body, I don't say no, I don't fight, I don't protest, I just let them...

I am an animal, that's how I'm treated, that's how I live since I can remember
Hidden from the outside world
Chained to a wall
Starved and beaten...

......

I am eating

I am sleeping

I am breathing

I have clothes on

I drink water

I shower

I see outside

I see trees and cars

I have books

Pens and a stuffed cat

Alex..... Alex my savior
He teaches me, takes me outside
He gives me hugs and forehead kisses
He gives me food and water and a bed and a room
I never had a bed before, I never ate this much, I never showerd every day
But Alex allows me to have all these nice things
Alex never beat me, never hurt me

'' and they lived happily ever after... Huh that was nice right Andy ''

Said Alex cutting my thoughts

''uhuh yes.... Nice...'' I whisper back at him cause he told me I should speak more

'' um... Alex ?''

''yeah ?''

No matter How nice he was, I always had to think about the abuse, I'm always scared to mess up, or that he will be bored and beats me I have to make sure of it

'' will.... You... Um... W..whip Andy ? ''

There was silence then he looked at me and sigh

'' why would you think that ?''
He always does this, answering my question with a question

'' um... Not know... Just.. think... Andy do something bad.... Sometime ''

'' Andy... Even if you do something bad I will never fuckig whip you I'm not crazy... Andy little one, I will never hurt you, or let anyone hurt you, I'll protect you always ''

No one ever said anything like that ever to me

'' why... So Nice to Andy, Alex ?''

'' well.... Because you deserve to be taken care of, you deserve love, you deserve kindness, you deserve happiness,.... And no one had the right to hurt you that way ever ''

'' but... I is worthless anim...''

'' shut... Dont you ever say that again okay, you are none of what's in your head, hell Andy, you are just a child and I love you so much you are like my little brother ''

He went to look for something then came back with a picture in his hand
In the picture I could see Alex and mister Thomas and a woman and a boy, they were smiling and happy

'' you see this boy ?''
I nodd

'' he was my little brother and this woman was my...um my mother''

He took a deep breath and continued

'' you know what get ready I'm taking you somewhere ''

.....

The place looks peaceful, I could hear the silence, and by silence I mean the sound of trees talking to eachother and birds singing happily

'' Andy, could you read this for me ?''

I look at where he told me to read

'' s...Samu..el ?.. Winter ''

''its Samuel and we used to call him Sam.... He died years ago, he... He Was hit by a car, he was your age ''

He had tears... Why...
I reach to whipe them

'' please... Please no cry... Please ''

He took my hands in his and put them in his chest, he looked at me with a sad smile on his face

'' I'm crying because.... I miss him so much.... And I wasn't there for him when he needed me, and I blame my self every day, but I'm happy now... You know why ? ''

I shook my head no

'' because I have you now. You are now myself little brother that I will protect with my life ''

I am his little brother now ? He wants me to be Sam ? What if I don't do good ? What if I'm not like Sam

'' where Sam is ?''

'' this is a grave Andy, when people die, their bodies are buried here but thier souls go to a better place a good place where they are happy forever, with no pain, sorrow, regret, there is no hate, no abuse... Everything is just peaceful.. This place is called havean Andy "

'' Sam is there ?''

'' I'm sure he is ''

Heaven, where good people go when they stop breathing, they bury the body under ground and the soul goes to havean, but only for good people

I remember bad man telling me that when I stop breathing he will fu'ck me even when I'm dead and then he will throw me to the dogs to eat
I was so scared, so scared to die in that dark place..

'' um... I... Go where when... Die ''

'' I'm sure you will go to havean, with Sam and... Michael Jackson ''
He said smiling

'' can I.. . To go ? ''
He looked surprised and said
'' go where ?''

'' havean ''
His silence told me that I said something wrong, is he mad,? will he throw me ?
''i... is... sorry. I d...''

'' Andy, you will go but not now, you are young and you have alot to live, alot to see, you have a lot of books you need to read and music you need to listen... ''

''but... ''

'' what. Tell me whats on your mind ?''

'' you say.... In Heaven.. No hurt... No pain... I want go there... Now before.. You take.. I.. Back to bad man..

''andy I will never..''

'' no.. Bad man say... When I die... He.. Still use... Then he throw this to dogs... But I want go now... Please ''

'' Andy listen... I will never take you back to that guy never.... I promise I'll make sure you go to havean, you will, but just not now, now you have to live and try to be happy, and heaven will always be there waiting for you... ''

I nodd as he hugs me tight to his chest
If being in his arms isn't heaven

Then I don't know what heaven is....

.....

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