Broken Child

forgiveness

I need To run . the snake is following me
Im scared
"Someone help me" I scream
"Help" I scream again
But my voice is unheard
Even I cant hear my screaming
I hold my throat and I can feel it
The coller on my neck is choking me . I can't breath
Am I dying
Is this how dying feels like
The snake is coming closer

And closer

And closer ....

I can feel ot squeezing my legs

My stomach

My neck

I can't move

I can't breath

"Help . help me please"

"Wake up Andy . wake up " Alex yelled shaking Andy to wake him up from his terrible nightmare
Andy woke up gasping for air
"Help ...help...me ...snake..help" tears were running down his and his shaking boney hands were on his throat "collar... Can't br..breath"
Alex panicked while trying to figure out what Andy was saying
"please Andy breath there is no collar.. Just breath "
Andy looked at Alex like he is not real . he thought he was still trapped in his nightmare and that Alex infront of him is just a cruel memory that his mind created
His eyes looked through Alex and his hands grabbed Alex's face "y..you are not real? I want...to go .. Back...I did not lie..." Alex looked back at Andy letting him speak whatever was on his mind .. It was like Andy was sleepwalking
Andy put his head on Alex's chest to feel him more "it was ...not me..who lied...it was Will...he did ...I didn't want to..you told ..me not let ..anyone touch me..like that ..that day..funeral...I was alone..he..he..told me you hate me..." Andy was sobbing and Alex's tears were running like rivers
"He..did ..that...just like the bad man...he told me ..no say anything..coz..you won't believe me..coz you will kick me out .."
Andy then looked back up at Alex
"I'm so..sorry...I can't tell you all this..you will not believe me..but you kicked me out ...I miss you..I miss you so ..much" said Andy smiling and falling on Alex's shoulder asleep.. Leaving a shocked Alex.
Alex was out of breath. His heart was beating faster and faster he could hear it . he put Andy on his pillow and examined him. His hair.. His face.. The bruises and scars that are so inlove with his weak body they never seem to leave .
From what he understood . is that his cousin. Will. Raped Andy the day of the funeral. And he threatened him not to say anything witch means that Andy had to deal with Will all that time . he lived in fear all that time .and on top of it . he forced him to stay with him . as Alex put the all the links togather and be realized what he has done. He destroyed him when he was suppose to protect him and keep him safe.
He walked out angrily grabbing his car keys and heading to Will's

...

"These are them?"

"Yes .." jolly said looking at the men infront of him

"And here is the address you told me to look for"

Jolly took the piece of paper in his hand and read it "this easy?" he said smirking

"Yes .. This easy. Have a good day sir "

...

"Alex  ?  Do you know what time it is ?" Will said rubbing his eyes from sleep "have you been drinking again ?"

"Did you rape Andy ?"  Alex just shoved the question on Will's face
Will's eyes widened
"What ? Are you crazy ? 
"DiD YOU RAPE ANDY IN MY FUCKING HOUSE " yelles Alex grabbing his cousin from the collar of his shirt
"What ?no I told you .. That sick bitch was all over me " and that's when Alex's fist collided with Will's face in a punch that broke Will's nose
"Oh my nose .. Alex my nose ugh"
Alex's punching went on for a while until he was satisfied and until Will wasnt moving
"BASTARD.. YOU BASTARD HOW COULD YOU " Alex was yelling and gasping for air while tears running down his face
"so stupid I'm so stupid SO STUPID"
he was hitting his head with his bloodied fists. He felt so guilty . for not listening to Andy. For not giving him a chance to speak...
...

"Alex.." Andy wisphered with a shaking voice When he saw Alex asleep on the couche . a bottle of wine in his bloody hand. He hurried to bring a cloth and water from the kitchen to clean Alex's hands from blood "Alex ..w..wake up "
He winced feeling the pain on his knuckles "outch ow ugh"
"I'm sorry .. I'm ..did I hurt you ? I'm sorry.. Are you okay ? "
He sigh "it's fine Andy .. I'm okay andy" walking up to his room with Andy following behind him
"Wh-what... happened ?"
"Its nothing Andy dont worry "
He grabbed Alex's hand to his chest "but you ...are...hurt "
Alex sighed and leaned on the wall
"Alex... Please .. Do you want me To call Tony.  You should rest .. You want something ? Any..anything? Coffee? Just rela.."
"I'm fine Andy I said I'm okay . and I can make my own coffee okay ..it's just ..it's Will ..I had a fight with Will"
Andy flinched at that name that brought bad memories ..
."God I'm so stupid.. How could I let that happen to you.. He .. He raped you .. He hurt you.. He threatened you ..I'm so stupid I was angry I was blind I didn't realize it I was so selfish ..I'm so sorry please forgive me please Andy .." he knelt In front of Andy begging for forgiveness

Regret is one of the most cruel feelings . it kills you deep inside and it will goes on even when you reach forgiveness .
sometimes saying sorry is not enough because when you break something it's hard to get it back to the way it was before but at the end the day . we are humans and we make mistakes . the most important thing this is not being forgiven but its learning from the mistakes we make and make sure to never commit them again ..
Ever..