Broken Child

night talk

It was 3am
When Andy was in his bathroom feeling sick and throwing up after a horrible nightmare . he grew so used to it but it still makes him sick and scared . because they are so vivid and  Real ..
He grew up . he can handle it on his own now . after every nightmare he would go to the batbroom and take the blade from the hiding spot and cut deep in his skin .
It became a ritual now after a nightmare comes the selfharm to keep himself busy from thinking about the night terrors. He hates night time anyways . it was always so bad at night .

" If you are good boy . I'll keep the light on "

All his dark memories and thoughts would invade his head at night . the shadows he sees at night. The voices he hears at night . the pain he feels at night .It's the time where he knows that he is alone . and nobody can ever save him . it's the time he hurt himself . and punish himself if it's needed. Living became such a hard task for him . it's like a complicated math problems that are too hard to find a solution for. But he still tries hard anyways .but just not for himself but for Alex . he knows that Alex is going through a lot and he is trying so hard to be there for him.  Even if he is being pushed away . he still tries and he will keep trying .
It's in Alex's nature to push people away when he is depressed or angry . he has anger problems that he can't control . and he is defenetly not noticing the amount of pain and sufferings he is causing. To himself and to Andy , but it's Andy's nature to keep feelings to himself when it came to Alex. He doesn't like showing him how hurt he is . because the last thing he wants is to see the regret look in Alex's eyes. No he prefers suffering alone than seeing others suffer . especially Alex. He means the world to him .
You see Alex had everything .he had parents he had a brother and friends . and it's hard for him to accept the idea of loosing them. He keeps thinking about them . missing them .and wanting to be with them .
But Andy had nothing . he only has Alex all he thinks about is Alex and making him proud and happy and comfortable .

Six more cuts coverd his left arm and four covered his right arm. But as soon as he finished he felt the regret eating him up . he knew how much Alex hated when he hurt himself. But he Will make sure to hide his scars well.
He led on his bed and put his hand under his pillow when he felt a piece of paper that he hid there. He remember

'I want to be your friend'

Should he call . or should he not
What if it was just joke . why would someone like jolly would want to be friends with Andy . jolly was so strong and confident. While Andy was weak and fragile. He thought.
Will Alex be mad at him? . should he maybe give it a try?. So he called.
Seconds later he heard a deep and a raspy voice...
"Hello?"
Andy's eyes widened , he recognized the deep voice jolly had .out of stress he quickly ended the call holding the phone to his chest with shaking hands. The shaking got worse when he felt the phone vibrating  in his hands .
"Hello" said the deep voice again "this is jolly.. You called . may I know who you are ?" all jolly heard was breathing .. Hard breathing "hello ?"  he said again .
Andy gained the little courage he had and said a small "h-hello"
Jolly got up from his sleeping  position to lean on the bedhead "who is this ?"
Andy's lips and hands were shaking . he never done this before he never spoke on the phone with someone other that Alex before .
"Um..uh...jo..um jolly?"
Jolly stood up with wide eyes . he knew this voice .. He knew this fragile broken voice
"A-Andy ?" now he was shaking too
"Andy ? is this you Andy?"
He remembered . he didnt forget about Andy . not even a minute , his image was carved in his head from the moment he saw him . how could he forget him
"Ye-yes" Andy said
Jolly was running all around his room "Andy is everyrhing okay? . are you okay? . how are you ?"
How could he care about Andy that much . he doesnt even know him . but he somehow feels him . his sad eyes and sad face got straight to Jolly s cold heart and made it warm . he could feel again . he felt alive again
"L-last time.. You...uh ...You said..to me ..that..you said ...that you ...I...that ..I can..be ..um f-friends?"
Jolly caught what he said and chuckled softly . how cute. he thought
"Yeah Andy . I said that I want to be your friend . only if you want of course . um do you .. Want to be my friend ?"
Andy smilled and nodd excitedly
"Andy ?"
He then realized that Jolly on the other side cant see him nodding
"Yes..I ..want...i want...to ..be..your.. Friend "
He heard jolly laughing "great Andy I'm so happy. "
"I...I..am too...I happy..I..I..never..had friend... Before ..only one ..but she said ..she can be ...friend..but ..her name is Lisa..she is doctor .. But she not friend anymore ...she ask lots..of things.. I not like..talking about"
Jolly heard the way Andy was speaking . he never heard him speak only few words.. He liked it when Andy spoke . he felt like he could listen to him speaking the whole night
"I am your friend now Andy .. So tell me how are you ?"
Andy looked at his scars and said with shaking voice
"Oh..I..I am ..okay..I think...I ..i did ..something..bad .. I h-hurt my arms ... And...and... Alex.. Hates when I do this...he is going...to be mad.. But ...but ...I will not ...tell...you will not tell him...right ?"
Jolly pictures what Andy did in his mind.  The picture that he grew used to it . he knew exactly what Andy was talking about he sighed
"No Andy I will not tell him.. But listen ..promise me ..next time when you want to hurt your arms call me first ? Okay Andy promise me "

"I promise"

...

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